Being the president seems like it would be really difficult and scary but it’s actually NBD. Anyone can do it. Well, anyone who is over 35 and was born in the United States, but those are literally the only rules. Crazy, right?

I’ve never voted because I always forget to sign up, but I do care about the welfare of the American people, and I’ve masturbated to Barack Obama at least four times, so I think that’s enough to qualify me as having an interest in politics. In keeping up with the race toward this year’s presidential election, I stumbled upon the lesser known candidate, Becky Rusher. Rusher is a 37-year-old single woman from Pennsylvania who currently works in customer service. She’s never worked in politics before and doesn’t associate with any political party, but she has a lot of really beautiful, libertarian ideas about freedom, peace, and equality that I really agree with. For example, Rusher is pro-choice, her view on gay marriage is “who cares?” and in reaction to the war in the Middle East she said, “Iran and Iraq need to grow up.” True say Becky, true say.

So Becky, what made you decide to run for president of the United States?
Becky Rusher: I’m fed up with the government telling us what we are allowed to do with our lives, what we should look like, and how to spend our money. This is supposed to be a free country. My biggest idea is to let everybody know that the government isn’t scary. They use $5 words and wear $3,000 suits to make it seem like other people can’t do their job. But it doesn’t take $5 words to run a country; it takes organization, leadership, and heart.

What does the government tell us we should look like?
They’re out there saying you’re not eating right, and that if you’re 20 pounds overweight you’re totally obese and a drain on society. Where is it going to stop? Now it’s our weight—is hair color going to be next? Are eyelashes going to be next? Suddenly, if you don’t have enough eyelashes you’re a bad person? They have to stop invading our personal lives.

You’ve never worked in politics before. On your list of previous jobs, however, you have “call center,” “ babysitter,” and “convenient store.” How do you think your work in those professions would benefit you as president of the United States?
Politics is all about talking people through situations and getting them to compromise. Well, every day in customer service I talk people through the different steps it takes to fix a problem. I can do that easily. To be a babysitter you need to know how to take care of people and make them get along. Politics is the same thing, just on a bigger scale. I also have a lot of life experience. When I was young my family moved around a lot. There were times when we were completely broke, living in a tent and going to food banks, and there was a time when my parents made $100,000 a year. I’ve been in all kinds of social situations, which means I can fit in almost anywhere.

You said you think Iraq and Iran need to grow up. Can you elaborate on that?
They do! Do you know what they are fighting about? Religion! How childish is that? I mean, come on, they need to grow up. Guys, you’re adults—or you’re supposed to be anyway. People aren’t always going to agree with you. Big deal. Who cares?

Seriously.
And the same goes for Congress right now. They’re all yelling and talking over each other and acting like a bunch of kids on the playground. It’s got to stop.

What is your stance on same sex issues?
It’s really none of my business who gets married to whom, and it shouldn’t be anybody else’s business, either. Marriage is between two people who love each other and that’s all there is. We have wars being fought and kids being abused and people killing each other, so on the grand scale of things I don’t care who anyone sleeps with.

And what about drugs?
It’s not our place to tell people not to fry their brains out. The government is not the parent. They can’t ground you for being stupid.

So really it’s all about freedom of choice?
Right. It’s my life, my body, my mind. It’s not up to me to tell my mom how to dress. If you want to risk smashing your head through a windshield by not wearing your seat belt, then go for it. We don’t stop people from bungee jumping, but that’s really dangerous and people do it all the time.

America loves God. Do you think the fact that you don’t love God will affect your popularity?
I’m not an atheist; I’m just not religious. I don’t think religion should have anything to do with the presidency; there is separation of church and state for a reason. If you try to impose the beliefs of your church on the entire country, especially now when we have such a mixed culture, it’s just going to cause even more problems down the line.

When you become present you get told lots of top-secret information, like about aliens and stuff. How would you handle this? Would you keep it private or share the information with the American public?
I would probably share 90 percent of it. I’m sure there are a couple things, like CIA stuff, that you have to keep secret because it puts people’s lives in danger, but everything else should be completely out in the open.

It seems like most presidents go gray from stress soon after being elected. If you went gray would you dye your hair?
Oh no way. I have gray in my hair now, I don’t care. I think it’s cool.

Also, being the president means you’d be, like, so busy. Would you be cool with basically giving up your life for four years?
Oh, yeah. I don’t have a life so I don’t mind.

So what’s up with foreign policy?
We give and give to other countries, but we have kids here going hungry on the streets. We need to take care of our own kids before we go and take care of Africa’s kids. We shouldn’t be out there telling other countries how they should live when, wait, hold on, we’re more screwed up than the are.

If elected, what’s one of the first things you would do in office?
I want to get the Secret Service back on track. They need to be doing what they’re supposed to do instead of just protecting the president’s family. And past presidents should no longer be paid, and the Secret Service shouldn’t be with them anymore, because they are no longer doing a job.

But I think they need protection to stop bad guys from trying to torture all the top-secret alien secrets out of them.
If there has been a legitimate threat on them, then fine. Otherwise they shouldn’t be with them.

On your website it says you’ve never been married and you think it’s best to have a single person in the White House. How come?
I think it’s best if politicians are single because of the sex scandals. Everyone in Congress has a sex scandal, but if you’re single you can’t call it a scandal, it’s just dating.

Are you dating anyone now?
No, I’ve been single for years. I’m so set in my ways now that for me to date someone he would have to be absolutely perfect. Also he’d have to be willing to put up with all my weird stuff.

What weird stuff?
Well, like wanting to run for president. I mean, come on, who does that? I’m one big oxymoron. I can go from babysitting to programming a computer in under an hour. It’s just the way my mind jumps back and forth with stuff.

Well, I wish you luck, Becky! You’ve got my vote!

Stolen from the Facebook of Petra Collins

Is everyone everywhere having anal sex all the time and no one told me about it? Up until recently I was still under the impression that anal sex was really “kinky” and rarely had other than by porn stars, “bad girls” and rap guy’s girlfriends. Apparently I was wrong.

I’ve had anal three times. The first was when I was sixteen, with my fifteen year old boyfriend. His dick was pretty small so it didn’t hurt, but it didn’t feel very good, either. It just felt like a more uncomfortable version of going to the bathroom, except in reverse. Afterward I made a mental note that anal sex was something that needn’t be explored any further. The second time was a couple years later, with some random guy I met at a bar. It was an accident–he drunkenly lost his way, then I screamed and told him to go fuck himself, and took the night bus home.

My last anal experience was when I was twenty, with my boyfriend at the time. We had been up for two days taking ketamine and MDMA and I was so out of it that I could barely feel my body anymore, so when he suggested anal I was just like, “Yeah, sure… might as well get it over with while I’m basically in a coma.” He then pounded away for what seemed like hours, and I just sort of laid there, trying to piece together a cohesive thought, lost in a drug delirium, essentially dreaming with my eyes open. To make a long story short, when he finally pulled out some gross “stuff” happened, after which I freaked out and started crying, and the whole experience was so traumatic that I vowed never to have anal sex again for the rest of my life.

The strange thing, though, is that I’ve always been really into anal porn. (I’ve talked about this before, in my Lady Porn Day post). I think it’s partly due to the fact that with anal you get to see the girl get penetrated, but you also get to look at her vagina at the same time. It’s like killing two birds with one stone, ya know? Also, as someone who is predominantly submissive in bed, I like the power dynamic that often exists in anal porn. I like seeing girls dominated, bent over, tied up, fucked hard, and “abused”, if you will. (It’s consensual abuse, so it’s OK, duh.) So basically I like watching anal and fantasizing about anal, but the idea of actually doing it was always out of the question.

Until last week. Hmm… my boyfriend is probably going to get mad at me for writing about this, but actually I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even read my blog anyway, so whatever.

What happened was: last week my bf and I got into a stupid fight. I can’t even remember what it was about anymore–something to do with whether a phonetic transcription of the gurgling sounds made by a Haitian zombie would be interesting to read. Really important. Anyway, I angrily stormed out of his apartment, then came back crying ten minutes later like a loser, after which we made up more or less and then just went to sleep. But it was the kind of “sleep” where you’re both still kind of mad so you sleep facing opposite directions to give off the impression that you don’t give a shit, but in reality you feel awful and keep going over and over the situation in your head, and all you want to do is hug the other person but you’re pride won’t let you. One of those. Anyway, I eventually managed to pass out, only to be woken up to him flipping me over onto my stomach and pulling my hands behind my back. Then without saying anything he spit on my butt and just started fucking me in the ass. (???) In my head I was like uh… what?, but I was so stunned that I didn’t say anything and just let it happen. But then I got so turned on by it because it was kind of rapey and intrusive or whatever that I actually came while he was fucking my ass. (?!?!) I was masturbating simultaneously obvs but it was still very weird and unexpected. And then I became so obsessed with the fact that I could cum from anal sex that I made him do it again the next night and I came again. It’s a miracle?

Obviously after this happened I told everyone I knew. However most people didn’t respond the way I thought they would. Everyone was just kind of like, “Yeah, great, we know, anal feels good.” But if they all knew, then why didn’t I know? When I told a girl I waitress with about it, her immediate response was: “I’ve been getting so much anal lately, I literally have a different ass now.” WHAT? A different ass? What does that even mean?! I actually just walked away from her when she said that, I couldn’t handle it. Then one of my other friends said that she actually finds it easier to cum from anal, because it allows her more space and freedom to masturbate since the dick isn’t constantly getting in the way of her rubbing her clit. And I kind of know what she means, actually. It’s kind of just like masturbating with a bit(/a lot) more anal stimulation. Plus it’s “dirty”, and it makes you feel like a porn star, which is cool.

I feel like I’ve entered a new chapter of my life.

This has been a good week: I’ve gotten three lovely art books in the mail! Luckily I have lots of interesting friends who publish lots of interesting books, who provide me with lots of interesting things to write about.

THE BODY BEYOND

The first is The Body Beyond, a book of photography by the artist Matthew Stone. The book is like a fairy tale; every time I flip through it I feel like I’m about to cry, wishing the real world was this beautiful. Here’s something that Matthew said in regard to the book that I really like: “Optimism is the vital force that entangles itself with and then shapes the future. I think all art is optimistic… for me optimism is creativity, it’s the force that enables or motivates people to do something rather than nothing.”

The book is a collaboration with Japanese fashion designer Yuima Nakazato. That might seem like a contradiction, since the photographs are all of naked people, but the theme for Nakazato’s Spring/Summer collection is “utopian nudist colony.” Get it? If you want to buy the book, you can do so on Matthew’s website.

GIRLCORE MAGAZINE

The next is Girlcore Magazine, a photography book published by the London based, all-girl collective Girlcore. I’ve written a post about Girlcore before–together they run an online gallery promoting new artists, photographers and illustrators, all of whom are GIRLS. This book is a collection of images from some of the finest artists featured in the Girlcore gallery.

The book was published by Pogo Books and you can buy it from the Girlcore Magazine site. There will be an exhibition at Orange Dot gallery in London to accompany the launch of the book, running from Feb 2nd-27th. The private view is this Thursday. You should go if you’re around!

Artists in order of appearance: Aela Labbe, Synchrodogs, Tatania Leshkina, Ellen Rogers, Aela Labbe, Boo Saville, Adriana Petit, Julia Corsaro, Ina Jang

JEANS

The third and final book is Jeans, an unbelievably sexy collection of images by the late Swiss photographer, Karlheinz Weinberger. The books was a gift from my lovely friend Piper Marshall at the Swiss Institute in NYC, who published Jeans.

Some background: In the 50s, Karlheinz Weinberger began documenting a generation of Swiss rebels obsessed with American culture. Raw, intimate and sexy, his photographs capture the eternal spirit of youth in revolt. Jeans showcases some of Weinberger’s earliest photography: homoerotic images of men in blue jeans. Denim clad boys are shot candidly in the streets, as well as posed in the Siemens-Albis factory, the industrial warehouse in Zurich where Weinberger worked for over 30 years.

The book is a facsimile of a self-designed portfolio created by Weinberger (1921-2006) in the mid-1950s. Though undeniably stylish, the images in Jeans are far more than a documentation of street style. Jeans were a badge of status and rebellion in post-war Switzerland; their scarcity, as well as the clothing’s close association with American pop culture, identified a working class of Swiss boys and girls dissatisfied with the conservative climate of the day.

These early experiments with documentary photography would inform his later images of ‘the Halbstarke’, a gang of Zurich teens who appropriated the look of the American rebel by making DIY, over-the-top customizations to their jeans and denim jackets, for example wearing huge belt buckles adorned with photos of Elvis and James Dean, and strapping their jeans together with nuts and bolts. Hot, right?

Over the past two days I’ve watched this video at least ten times. It’s an interview with an amazing woman named Roberta Haze, a 73 year old costume designer and former Broadway dancer. In it she discusses her views on life, love, sex, monogamy, one night stands, dating younger guys (her current boyfriend is 40), pussy tucks, Paz de la Huerta–all the important stuff, basically. Everything she says is just so perfect and honest and wise, and every time I watch it I feel more inspired by her words. I genuinely believe that if everyone thought like her the world would be a happier, more loving, more sane place.

My favorite part of the film is when Roberta talks about love, and how a key to a good relationship is being able to accept that everyone expresses their love in different ways, and that you can’t teach someone the right way to care about you. She says, “I’m trying to learn, at 73, to believe and feel and internalize that somebody loves me their way.” She say that being able to do this involves trust, and that even if your partner isn’t doing the demonstrative things that you have in your agenda, that you have to “let them love you the way they love you, not the way that you want to be loved.” (She goes deeper into it than that, so I suggest you just watch the video.)

I think this is such important advice. Love is complex–it doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone, and we can’t expect it to. We’ve heard it our entire lives: you can’t change people. But gosh, sometimes the impulse to try is just so strong. It’s so easy to get mad at our boyfriends/girlfriends for not acting the way we want them to act toward us, or showing us affection in the ways that we deem right.

Sometimes, when you’re in a relationship, it’s tempting to take on the role of the victim. We convince ourselves that it’s always our partner–never us–who doesn’t care enough, who is lazy, who was late, who started the argument, who was being rude or stupid or neglectful. But maybe, if we looked a little closer, we’d begin to notice the more understated things they do that we regularly overlook, simply because they’re not things that we immediately consider to be declarations of love.

Recently, my boyfriend and I got into an argument, prompted by my claim that he never goes out of his way to do nice things for me. I argued that I’m always doing special things for him that I wouldn’t do for just anyone–bringing him dinner, buying him books for no reason, rubbing his head for hours, etc. When I asked him what he ever does for me, he replied, “Well, I talk to you.” My initial response, as you can probably imagine, was something like “Wow, great, who cares.” As someone who constantly talks about my feelings and problems to everyone, and who spends every day blogging the intimate details of my life to an audience of anonymous strangers, the idea of simply “opening up” didn’t seem all that special to me. But then later on, when I thought about it more, I realized that he and I are inherently different in this way. He barely talks to anyone; he’s generally quite awkward, standoffish and Aspergerey. Like he’s the kind of person for whom a casual greeting with an acquaintance is a profoundly uneasy experience. However, before our argument, I guess I just never took the time to think about it. I didn’t consider that simply confiding in me could be perceived as a form of his affection, because it’s not the way that I do things. But now, post Roberta Haze enlightenment, I’m beginning to better appreciate that I get to be the receiver of his thoughts and feelings, and although they might not be gift wrapped, they are still valuable. Does that make sense?

And this doesn’t just apply to boyfriends or girlfriends, but it goes for friends and parents and siblings too. And I know it may sound obvious, but it’s good to remind ourselves not to criticize the people we love just because they don’t think and act exactly like we do, ya know?

Oh my god, I started crying while typing this. What is wrong with me? I hope I’m getting my period otherwise this is just embarrassing.

OK… Dr. Phil-like rant over :)