Monthly Archives

May 2007

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Random Acts of Kindness

May 29, 2007

My very virtuous mother recently lectured me on the value of performing random acts of kindness for those around you. This is in order to “cleanse the soul,” and ultimately “be saved,” as she so eloquently put it. Under normal circumstances I would have ignored this advice, preferring instead to continue on my journey toward complete self-destruction. However, burdened with the guilt of a particularly sinful week (sex, drugs, excessive masturbation, the accidental killing of a cat, etc) I thought,…

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Moon Cup

May 15, 2007

Me and Kerri in front of our favorite Bournemouth restaurant. We never actually make it inside.Some friends and I went to Bournmouth this past weekend for what was meant to be an innocent, drunken few days at the beach. Little did I know by the end of our trip I would be doused in the DNA of a fat lesbian. My life sucks. Three of the guys I live with in our South London Squat (a.k.a. “Squallyoaks”) are in a…

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My Epiphany

May 15, 2007

My house (a.k.a. Squallyoaks). I can’t have babies here.I’ve had an epiphany. I think it came somewhere between turning twenty one and buying my first set of tableware. I can’t be sure. But what I’ve come to realize is that all of this—the drugs, the sex, the suicidal tendencies—this isn’t who I really am. I mean like deep down or whatever. Me, I’m destined for greatness. No really, I am. My mother even said so. Well, she hasn’t said it…

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