Monthly Archives

January 2008

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I’m Dying

January 18, 2008

Oh my God. I’m dying. Literally dying. I’ve just had all four of my precious wisdom teeth savagely ripped from my mouth with a giant and unimaginably sinful set of pliers, and now my entire face feels like a bloody, swollen, minefield. I no longer believe in God. Now, this whole situation wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t for the fact that it was done in the most barbaric and evil of ways. For starters, my dentist is a…

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I Take it Back

January 11, 2008

I take it back. All those bad things I said about America—I was so wrong. My life has just been far too exciting recently. Hanging out in malls, grinding to hip-hop (badly), getting fat, saying “as if” and flipping my hair a lot—my life is one endless embarrassingly bad teen movie. And I love it. Like seriously. For once I’m not being sarcastic. I don’t know why I ever dissed this place. I mean, how can you criticize a country…

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