Monthly Archives

July 2008

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Dreams Can Come True (If You Live in a Squat)

July 21, 2008

    Normal people have dreams where they’re flying, or conquering the world, or fucking celebrities. Fortunately for us Squallyoaksians, we don’t dream that big, rendering our wildest fantasies attainable in the two hours of the day that we actually manage to get up off our fat asses. My flatmate Dominic, for example, had a dream last night that our bathtub turned into a pond. And now, a mere three days later, it has! And it’s beautiful. Our new pond…

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My Boyfriend is Gay

July 15, 2008

i-D I knew it was too good to be true. Now, don’t get me wrong. My boyfriend has always been a sensitive guy. I like that about him. I don’t mind the fact that he constantly wears pastels and occasionally enjoys wearing my nighties when we have sex. But there’s being sensitive and then there’s just being a massive gay, and he’s treading dangerously close to the line. I had an idea that something was up about a month ago…

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The Vice Guide to Living for Free

July 9, 2008

Some of my poor, free-living housemates (also known as Ratty Rat Rat). About a year ago the media experienced a brief obsession with freeganism. Word got out about all the ways you could avoid blowing your hard-earned cash on life’s little necessities, and all of a sudden it became trendy to live for free. Everywhere you looked there was were hipsters, crusties and alternative dads rooting through trash with these looks on their faces that said “Fuck you, corporate swine!…

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My Vagina Does Not Do Bar Mitzvahs

July 3, 2008

Following my last blog post concerning my vagina’s PR company, I received this infuriating email. The nerve of some people. I don’t often put on my blog-vision spectacles, but I had to see a little of what you’re talking about, and bam! It was like-at-first-sight. Tell me more about your vag-tastic P.R. stunt. I got a little cousin who’s got a bar mitzvah coming up. You think I can book your vagina for the reception? Maybe conduct some of the…

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