Monthly Archives

March 2009

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Slave Troubles

March 29, 2009

                                Our slave is such a dick. I thought the purpose of being someone’s personal servant was to constantly be at their beck and call. Apparently not. Our slave seems to think it’s totally fine to have this other “life” where he goes to this so-called “job” and has all these so-called “friends.” The little shit hasn’t been here in nearly two weeks! Who the…

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Self-Love

March 28, 2009

Hotties kissing by Matt Irwin Here is yet another installment of my weekly sex column for kids. Written for Platform Magazine: Did you know that fetuses masturbate in the womb? Well they do. And so did you, probably. That’s you, banging one out before you’ve even left the gate. A sinner before you’re even conscious enough to sin. This is what the birth of your existence looked like. You, a little globule of slime and shit, covered in your own…

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Slutever Forever

March 24, 2009

I decided I needed to kick Slutever up a notch, so I enlisted my graphic designer flatmate Lauren to help me mastermind a new and improved logo. This is a documentary we made about the logo-creating process. Editing and Garageband by Lauren Chillhard

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Shame, Self-Loathing and Financial Slaves

March 21, 2009

Is it just me, or does everyone have a slave these days? I feel like I’m the only person left in this socially crippled world without a personal servant. Slavery- it’s this year’s latest must-have trend. After our adventures with the house-cleaning slave, my squat-mate Kerri decided to take it one step further and get a slave all her own. She found the willing masochist through his personal-ad on GumTree. This slave is a bit different from the last one…

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Squallyoaks Fanzine

March 18, 2009

My squat-mates and I managed to get up off our fat, mold-infested asses once again and produced a fanzine, entitled SQUINX. In the past we have released the full-length album Now That’s What I Call Squallyoaks, put on a couple less-than-civilized clubnights, made some sketchy re-makes of Avril Lavigne music videos, and put on a festival in our house in which Foals, Ratty Rat Rat, and SHITDISCO all played in our basement, and a load of druged-up freaks completely tore…

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Perverted Sex Odyssey

March 16, 2009

Photos by Bella. I’ve been asked to write a sex column for the new youth culture magazine, Platform. It’s great, because now when people ask me what I do for a living, I can say, “Oh, me? I’m a columnist,” rather than “I suck dick for crack.” Actually, I don’t even need someone to ask me what I do in order to say ‘I’m a columnist.’ I can just wander around all day saying ‘I’m a columnist. I’m a columnist.…

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