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June 2009

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Right Now

June 4, 2009


Photo by Ben Rayner (P.S. That’s my hand.)

I’m sitting in my living room thinking about how badly I want to fuck that French guy from The Dreamers, Louis Garrel. He is just so… amazing. I want to slit my throat and bleed all over his naked chest, then cut him open and spend the remaining moments of my life curled inside his rib cage.

“Do I look more or less like a tree than yesterday?” Dale just stumbled into the room. He died his hair forest green last week, and since has worn nothing but brown clothes. He also carries around green food coloring in his pocket, refusing to put anything in his mouth that isn’t sufficiently grass colored. Sometimes I think Dale isn’t real, but that my mind is playing a practical joke on me.

“I think you’re having an existential crisis.” That was me.

“This house smells like fucking cat piss.” That was Dale.

Bunny is talking about how he doesn’t need sex. He’s saying, “I’m just not that into it. I hardly ever masturbate, and when I do I normally look in the mirror.” He sounds sincere but I sort of don’t believe him. Last week he sent me a text that read, “I just used your lube to jerk off. Liquid Silk looks JUST like cum.”

Kerri, Lauren and Hannah are packing for their trip to Venice this weekend. Combined they have a grand total of €98 for their four day trip. They’re bringing tents and sleeping bags with plans to sleep on the street.

On June 22nd our house is being torn down, leaving the eleven of us homeless. No one seems to care.

Bunny: “There’s a croissant that’s on fire in the microwave.” He’s dipping a raw, shriveled mushroom into a tub of butter. He’s chewing it.

Amy isn’t here because she’s in Switzerland looking at everything upside down. She flew out a week ago to participate in an art piece in which a group of people spend ten days in a house, wearing special goggles that capsize your vision. You can only remove the goggles to sleep. As she was leaving for the airport she said, “I’m going to find the least rank guy in the house and fuck him. Upside down sex sound hot.” We all agreed.

Over the weekend I went to Spain. I met a hot American lesbian called Molly Ringwald who took off my underwear and gagged me with them. I doubt that was her real name.

I took too much MDMA in Spain and now I hate my life and myself. I have no boyfriend, no direction in life, and am soon to be homeless. I… don’t… know… where I’m going with this.