Monthly Archives

July 2009

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My Imaginary Boyfriend

July 26, 2009

Theo, Yasmin and Matthew… by Matthew Josephs …is ammaaaaazzing! Seriously, you would totes LOVE him. His name is Hawke (how cute?!), and he’s from Iceland. Or maybe it’s Greenland… I can’t actually remember. Whichever one means he sort of looks like an Eskimo. His skin is milky white and his long hair is pitch black. And O-M-G his body is like sooo f-ing sexy. He’s super tall—about 6’3’’—and is so grossly thin that he basically looks like an elongated child.…

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Date Rape

July 21, 2009

Bunny by Matthew Stone On Saturday night my housemates and I all sat at home, casually consuming date rape drugs and snorting lines of 2cb. This is what some might call temporary medication for our excessive and perpetual boredom. I offer this bit of information without comment and certainly without recommendation. 2cb is a vaguely new drug that I guess feels like a combination of ecstasy and acid. The date rape drug, more commonly known as Rohypnol, comes in the…

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Wet Dream

July 19, 2009

Photo Matt Irwin I’ve accomplished one of my life goals: I finally had a wet dream. Praise… whoever. For years I’ve been jealous of men for their ability to reach orgasm in their sleep. It just felt like yet another reason on the long list of reasons why men have it better than women. Ugh… to be the better sex. But now I too am part of the club, one of the gang. So, moving onto my next task: growing…

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Kill Me Now

July 13, 2009

Pic Steve Bliss I’m going to kill myself. The method: sleeping pills. It’s lame, I know. I wish I had the balls to kill myself in a way that was more epic or flashy or hip, like slitting my wrists whilst watching Clueless or jumping naked off the roof of my squat, but I’m just too much of a loser to go through with it. Yup, my death will be an anticlimactic death to end my anticlimactic life, and everyone…

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What Are You Wearing?

July 11, 2009

Originally written for Vice Fashion. These are the mutants that inhabit the hell that I live in (aka south London).. Is south London cooler than east London? We went to investigate by interviewing some of Walworth Road’s locals. Danielle AKA Guessforever, student Hey, you look cool. What’s this look all about?Danielle AKA Guessforever: It’s me, the style of me. What’s hot right now?T-shirts and cut jeans. You gotta cut the jeans. What trends do you hate?Everyone is trying to be…

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Noah

July 7, 2009

I’m gunna tell you a story. The story of me. But we don’t have much time so you gotta read fast. It shouldn’t take you more than a few minutes to get through this so don’t even think about getting up to piss or pausing to daydream because time is of the essence. Now breath in. So I guess I’m sort of like a God. A messiah, if you will. I can make people fall in love with me. People…

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Hate

July 5, 2009

Our new kitten, William (who I don’t hate) Do you need a reason to hate stuff? I don’t think you do. Arbitrarily hating things has been a passion of mine for some time now, and nothing but good has ever come of it. So in that vein here are a few things I hate for no reason other than I just do, and that I’m going to keep on hating because I feel like it. Lentils They taste like crap.…

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