Monthly Archives

August 2009

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Intern Part 3

August 31, 2009

Stan eating My search for an intern is finally complete. I ended up not choosing any of the losers that actually applied for the job because they were all way lame. Instead I went with Stan—a random kid I found in the grocery store and thought was hot. Stan is nineteen and from south London. He’s been my slave for four whole days now and he’s super great. I love having him around so much that I’ve actually asked him…

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New Squat (Again)

August 27, 2009

The ten of us have moved again, this time into an abandoned office building near Elephant and Castle. Moving sucks massive d, but to be honest I’m actually really glad to be out of that last house. First of all it was way too small—everyone splitting rooms, sharing a single bathing bucket… ugh. Also we only lived there for two months but somehow we managed to fuck it up it to the point that it’s going to need some serious…

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Everyone Hates Me

August 24, 2009

Self portrait by Matthew Stone Writing this blog has become the bane of my existence. Along with being the foremost reason my ex boyfriend and I broke up, it has continued to alienate both my friends and family ever since I started writing it two years ago. My friends hate me. My ex boyfriend hates me. My parents definitely hate me. I’m beginning to wonder whether it’s all really worth it. But, as I’ve said before, I don’t write with…

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Intern Part 2

August 20, 2009

Pegah and Julia. Both virgins. So far my search for an intern has been extremely successful. Far more than I had predicted it would be, anyway, as I didn’t think anyone was actually dumb enough to volunteer for the position of changing my tampons / acting as my human bench, without any promise of pay or future gain. But apparently I was wrong. Looks like there are loads of sick fucks out there just begging for the opportunity to render…

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In Search of Freak Boyfriend

August 18, 2009

I love you I’m into freaks. Really tall, deathly thin guys who look like they’re dying, deaf guys, guys who seem like they might have a slight mental retardation – basically anyone who looks like they were bullied at school. However, since immersing myself within a universe of hipster trendoid fucktards, I sometimes find it difficult to meet the sort of guys I’m looking for. So, in search of my freak boyfriend, I’ve put an ad up on gumtree.com advertising…

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Great Day

August 14, 2009

Squatley Crew Yesterday was a great day. Let me give you a little run down of what went on. 8am: Woke up feeling nauseous. Ran to the bathroom where I puked red wine barf all over the tiled floor. Crawled back to my bedroom in pain. 10am: Woke up suddenly again, this time after having a nightmare about primordial dwarves who turned out to be shrunken models. 11:30am: Woke up a third time and realized I was late for work.…

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Even My Intern Has An Intern

August 7, 2009

Bunny by Tom Beard Everyone has an intern these days. Even my intern has an intern. Except I don’t have one. I feel like the only person left in this socially bankrupt world without an overqualified personal servant. I can’t go on like this. I’m just far too busy and important to not have a slave. If you ask me, intern culture is completely fucked. Like, everyone is always talking about how slavery is so bad or whatever, but aren’t…

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Let’s Talk About Sex Baby

August 4, 2009

Pic by Matthew Stone Last month I was invited to participate in a round table discussion about SEX. My initial reaction to the unusual request was, “Like, totally!” I mean, duh, I talk about sex all day as it is, obviously I’m going to agree to do it in a situation where there will most likely be free alcohol involved. The discussion was organized by Bon International—a global fashion and culture magazine based in Stockholm—with the intention of recreating a…

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More Things I Hate And A Few Things I Don’t

August 1, 2009

Self portrait by Darren Cullen As I’ve previously mentioned, irrationally hating things is one of my greatest pleasures in life. It just makes me feel good about myself. I can’t explain it. However, I do like some stuff on occasion. Here’s a list of a few things I hate, and I few things I don’t. HATE: People Who Say Fierce (And Mean It) i.e. stupid fashion kids and presenters on low rate “style” television shows aimed at frumpy suburban mothers.…

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