Monthly Archives

October 2009

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My Column for Platform!

October 29, 2009

I’ve been asked to write a weekly column for cult lifestyle mag Platform. So as ever I’ll be writing about lots of really deep and important stuff like sex, drugs, life, TV shows, nothing, whatever, etc. BORING! Read my personal intro plus my first official post below: PLATFORM: WELCOME TO PLANET SLUTEVER Hey Platform readers! I’m Karley, your new blogger or columnist or wasted rambler or whatever it is you call this shit. For a couple of years I’ve been…

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Rave Jail

October 27, 2009

Makeshift squat party basement pool Over the weekend a couple of my flatmates went to some awful-sounding psych-trance rave in a forest out in Kent. I somehow managed to get myself dragged to one of these terrifying affairs a few months back. It was so bizarre. Just about everyone offered you hallucinogenics. Everywhere you looked there were wild-eyed ravers fucking in bushes. Lots of people with neon hair chasing after invisible fairies. Lots of people doing poi like it was…

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Broken

October 22, 2009

Pic by Matthew Stone I’m all for weird sex. If you ask me, sex is license to do, be and say everything you won’t or can’t or are too afraid to in the real world. Biting, hitting, swearing, pretending to be a deaf mute, spitting, growling, pain, pleasure, piss, violence… whatever, I’m game. And to be honest, I’m not overly “into” that much myself, so I’m pretty keen to just adapt to the sexual preferences and perversions of whoever I’m…

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Birthday

October 19, 2009

It was my birthday a couple days ago. I’m now officially twenty-four. Great, in a year I’ll be a quarter of a century old and I’ve yet to accomplish anything of value. What have I been doing all this time? I used to have such promise —I graduated top of my high school class, was headed for a degree at an Ivy League college. For a while I was even seriously considering becoming a paleontologist. (Lolz) And now look at…

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Desperate?

October 13, 2009

“Oh look! Attractive people!” shouts Bunny, pointing excitedly out the second story window. “Where? Who? Where?!” comes a chorus of intrigued yelps as Kerri and Hannah spring from their beanbag and rush to the window in anticipation. You see, in the area of south London in which we live, it’s rare to see someone who isn’t either frothing at the mouth or missing at least half their limbs, so when you spot someone genuinely good looking, it’s quite a treat.…

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Bad Luck

October 9, 2009

My friend Oliver Griffin’s arm I haven’t been having much luck with the opposite sex recently. My ex-boyfriend left me six months ago to become gay (that’s just a guess, but an educated one at that), and ever since it seems like I’m cursed. Seriously, every guy I like finds me absolutely repulsive. It’s like, wait, what? Do I smell? Is there something in my teeth? Is being way too intense and saying I LOVE YOU on the first date…

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The Man

October 7, 2009

Since the decline of everything we thought we knew (aka the global economic whatever) things have been pretty hard on us humans. It’s like this constant feeling of, “Shit, I really wanna buy that useless thing over there on that shelf, but I can’t because I’m too fucking poor.” It totally sucks. An example of someone who is prospering from this whole global meltdown thing, however, is The Man who owns the ultra-cheap, ultra-shitty food stall outside my house. Literally,…

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Sex is Disgusting

October 5, 2009

Art by my flatmate, Darren Cullen I wrote this article about a year ago for Platform Magazine, with the intention of informing young, sexually-budding teens about the dangers of sex. I don’t know how good of a job I did… Sex is disgusting. Well, it is and it isn’t. Don’t get me wrong—I’m all for sexual experimentation, but there is a line within the sex universe that simply should not be crossed. Like, for example, when you find yourself using…

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Phasion Week

October 1, 2009

Me looking ugly next to Vivienne Westwood. She literally would NOT stop nagging me for this picture. When they’re not busy doing their hair or jerking-off to Style.com, phashion people spend their time doing mega important stuff, like attending glitzy fashion parties and wearing wierd shit on their heads. For the second season in a row I covered London Fashion Week for the VICE fashion blog. And by “covered” I mean got blackout drunk on the free booze and embarassed…

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