Monthly Archives

October 2010

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Cumface Part 2

October 30, 2010

A few months ago I took some of photographs of boys jerking-off until they came, as part of my rigorous investigation into the art of the cumface. I disguised my experiment as a “fashion shoot” so that Vice would give me money to buy vodka and porn magazines for the various “models” (AKA specimens). My conclusion was a simple one: Boys look hot when they cum, in a deformed, facial lobotomy sort of way. I recently conducted the experiment again,…

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The Many Wives of Crunc Teslå

October 27, 2010

Crunc Teslå is a rapper and filmmaker from Brooklyn. He is also the leader of his own Facebook cult, The Wives of Crunc Teslå Future & Present (XX Chromosome Goddesses). Female fans can sign up to worship him and be his honorary wives. In return he sometimes fucks them. He also gives them fancy names like “Queen of the Dravidian Empire: Goddess of Thickness n’ Self Luv.”  According to his FB blurb, “Crunc Teslå is a Universe,” and his digital…

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Slave Whatever

October 21, 2010

                                          The slave casually performing a self-choreographed dance routing to The Killers over Skype                       So my slave is turning out to be a massive LET DOWN just like every other slave I’ve ever had. Well, I shouldn’t say that, that’s mean, as we’ve sort of become “friends” beyond the…

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Advice?

October 19, 2010

I have known my friend Dev for many years now, and as he is probably my closest non-homo male companion, I often turn to him for guy/dating advice. He’s like my secret weapon–my foray into the inner workings of the heterosexual male brain. Generally I believe that both giving and receiving sex/dating advice of any kind is extremely dangerous, and that they should be avoided at all costs. (Newsflash: Everyone is equally clueless when it comes to relationships; the fact…

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Friends I’ll Never Meet: Anthony

October 13, 2010

Anthony has been in a wheelchair since he was thirteen, after a tumor on his cervical spine caused him to lose his ability to walk. About a month ago we became internet/phone friends after he responded to a Craigslist ad I posted, searching for strangers to have weird sex conversations with (as one does). We recently had a lengthy discussion about all the good/bad/kinky/scary things that go along with having sex as a wheelchair user. Anthony is from Guyana and…

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Dick Slaves

October 11, 2010

Dear girls/gays, Was Cosmo your bible when you were 14? It was definitely mine. It’s where I learned how to give a BJ, that spit just won’t cut it when it comes to anal, and that the burning sensation when I peed wasn’t AIDS but in fact a UTI. But have you flipped through a copy of it recently? I did, and it’s certainly not the insightful and prophetic sex guide my teenage brain thought it was. It’s actually more…

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Revenge of the Nerds

October 8, 2010

For those insightful enough to have long appreciated the extensive hotness of the male nerd (i.e. myself), I commend you. For years our world has been an abundant Petri dish of freaks, geeks and genetic anomalies, from which we’ve had our pick. Now, come 2010, thanks to nerd heroes like Michael Cera, Jesse Eisenberg and that wheelchair kid from Glee, geek and heartthrob have basically become synonymous. Now every normal girl thinks it’s “cool” to have a boyfriend with lanky…

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The Opus Dei Look

October 1, 2010

Opus Dei used to be super underground until The Da Vinci Code blew up their spot in 2003 and made them all mainstream. Kind of like Kim Kardashian after the sex tape. The book portrays Opus Dei as a bunch of hooded, albino murderers with a fetish for self-harm. It’s true that many members practice corporal mortification—self-inflicted pain as a pathway to deeper spirituality. However, what most people don’t realize is that OD are actually very phashion, and the garments…

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