Monthly Archives

March 2011

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Dating 101: Alexis Penney

March 28, 2011

Why She Knows: Alexis Penney is a tranny, hooker, and party hostess from San Fransisco. I’ve interviewed Alexis previously about his fabulous life as punk hustler, which you can and should read HERE. When I started Dating 101, I originally said I was only going to be interviewing women. However Alexis is a woman sometimes (when he wants to be), and realistically it’s about time we enlisted someone who has a dick who also sucks dick to teach us how to…

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Friends I’ll Never Meet: Sarah

March 26, 2011

Sarah’s Second Life Avatar Sarah is a 25 year old girl from New Jersey. We met on a sex fetish forum and digitally bonded over our love of being tied up. As we got to know each other better I discovered that Sarah suffers from a rare form of Dwarfism, that she is a quadriplegic and is permanently on a ventilator. Because of her condition, for most of her life Sarah has had minimal contact with the outside world. In…

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5 Things I’m Into This Week

March 23, 2011

1. Paz de la Huerta You know when you go on epic Googling sessions and stalk one person/thing for hours and hours on end? Well that’s where I am with Paz de la Huerta right now. I’m totally in love/lust with her. I first saw her in Gaspar Noe’s Enter the Void last summer and thought she was totally sexy and weird looking and insane. Then I recently saw her in Jim Jarmusch’s The Limits of Control and my obsession…

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Dragon

March 21, 2011

My newest internet friend is a little creepy, gotta admit. His name is Dragon, he’s 45 and from Illinois. We met on a sex fetish forum, which is basically the only way I meet friends these days, I no longer leave my house. Dragon won’t tell me what he does for a living, but in his spare time he has violent sex with obese women and photographs them in varying stages of abuse. That’s totally fine–I’m all for weird sex…

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Talking

March 16, 2011

I think about you all the time, I said. From when I wake up in the morning until I go to bed at night. It’s like I can’t change the channel. My mind has one channel and it’s you. Sometimes there will be a commercial break where I’ll focus on something else for a while, but I always go back to you. You’re the only thing on. That’s nice, he said. It’s kind of exhausting, I said, because I worry…

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Dating 101: 20 Secrets (That Are Not Really Secrets) About Dating

March 12, 2011

All pics by Sandy Kim (who I recently made out with) 1. Spitting in your boyfriend’s mouth is the new black. 2. Guys: When you are going down on a girl, don’t look up at her. Our pubes make you look like you have a weird Hitler mustache, and that creeps us out. 3. It’s always nice to give someone you care about a compliment, but compliments mean infinitely more when you’re sober. 4. It’s OK to think your brother…

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Video Memoriez

March 7, 2011

Yesterday I was going through an old hard drive and found a bunch of videos from a Flipcam I briefly owned about two years ago. Unfortunately the Flipcam was eaten by my ex-squatmate Hannah’s vagina, along with many of my other possessions, however in the two weeks that I owned it I managed to get some very groundbreaking and universally important footage. I’ve made a little video montage out of it for your viewing pleasure. The time I owned the…

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Dating 101: Cosmo Sex Columnist

March 6, 2011

Cosmopolitan is a magazine read by girls who want to be told how to dress, act and what to say, because they’re too scared/dumb to think for themselves. I’ve expressedmy feelings for Cosmo in the past–about how it brands itself as a girlpower sex and dating guide, when it’s actually just an instructional pamphlet on how to be a desperate, man-pleasing cum slut. Por ejemplo, Cosmo recently published an article listing the sex positions that make us girls look the…

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