Ask Slutever

Pic @ Matthew Stone

1. My boyfriend of 2 years just admitted that he fantasizes about dressing up like a woman and being fucked in the ass by a man. He also said he has a female counterpart called ‘Michelle’, and that he wants me and Michelle to hang out/have girly time together, and for me to give him a makeover, i.e. shave his legs and do his makeup. He says he’s still sexually interested in me, and I’m pretty open to trying stuff out, but this was totally unexpected and I don’t really know what to do or where to begin. Jessica, London

Well Jessica, as someone who has fucked many guys in nighties–and has even forced boys into lingerie on a couple occasions–I can tell you that crossdressing and sex mix very well. Also, what’s important to remember is, if you want to date a freak–and why wouldn’t you?–then you have to deal with the fact that sometimes he’s going to act like a freak. I always fall for weirdos and then get all flustered when they suddenly break into a seizure right before I’m about to cum, or want me to call them Dad. But in those sorts of situations it’s best to take a step back and say ‘This is what I signed up for.’ Relationships are about compromise. It might be awkward at first, but I think you have to just suck it up, slap some lipgloss on Michelle, and fuck him/her in the ass with the same zeal and passion as Tyra when she walks down a runway.

Also, I guess we have to acknowledge the fact that your boyfriend might be gay, and that this might be the first stages of his coming out. Don’t panic, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I mean if he’s gay and he still fucks you, you’ve basically got the best of both words. But just be aware that someday in the not so distant future he might leave you for someone without a vagina.

2. I’m 19, straight, and really enjoy sex with my boyfriend. I cum every time. The thing is, I cum because I do it myself. He can make me cum with his tongue or fingers, but not from penetrative sex, even if he uses his fingers during it. I know in the past you’ve written that this is pretty common, but sometimes I still feel like there’s something wrong with me, or that I’m cheating. Help! Carla

Last weekend I was hanging out with my new friend Rachel from the sex blog Rabbit Write, and she was talking how (most) women can’t expect men to get them off with just their dicks. She kept saying, “Girls have to own their orgasms!” And I realize this may sound like some crazy feminist psychobabble, but it’s kind of true. Penetrative sex just isn’t as conducive to the female orgasm as it is the man’s, because the female orgasm isn’t necessary for reproduction or whatever. Evolution has fucked us, basically.

But as long as you’re cuming, and your bf cares enough to help out in any way he can, then it doesn’t matter how you get there. Also, if you’re 19 and are cuming during sex, that’s a good sign! I didn’t cum during sex until I was 21. It blew actually. Most girls take a while before they master it. But once you teach yourself the way that works best for you–whether that be masturbating on the guy’s dick, or a certain position that allows you clit to rub against his pelvis, etc.–then from there it just gets easier and easier until eventually you can cum from just looking at a penis. (Yeah right.)

3. Can I have sex even though I am “fat”? I am considered “obese” (just), according to the lovely BMI, and am new to being this size. I have always been an Aus 10-12, but now I’m a 16. I am fine with my size, but I haven’t had sex in MONTHS. I am going crazy! I feel like guys don’t notice me anymore, I don’t flirt, and I don’t come onto guys anymore. The closest thing I have had to anyone taking an interest is my friend’s boyfriend asking me for a threesome (I denied, my friend is a twig, I look like the pentagon next to her). I masturbated like 8 times today! Where can I find sex? Please help! Love, “Becky”

If you’re just looking to find guys who are into bigger girls, that should be pretty easy. There are dating sites that cater specifically to BBWs (big beautiful women, obvs). Like BBWCupid is one–maybe Google search sites specific to Australia. Also, fetish sites always have sections for heavy girls and those who love them, although there will definitely be more “freaks” PMing you if you go that rout. Up to you.

However, I think in your question you contradict yourself. You said you are fine with your size, but you also said you’ve stopped flirting and approaching guys, which means something about your personality has changed since you’ve gained weight, and you’re less confident. If you feel better about yourself at a smaller size, I think you should work on losing weight. And I’m not saying that in a ‘no one will love you because you’re fat’ way, I just think you should make an effort to look the way that makes you feel most confident. Because, why not?

To quote Elle Woods, “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands.” The last part doesn’t really apply to you, but the first part does. It’s a no brainer, but exercise makes you feel SO good. I always feel irrationally good about myself after I go running. Like even though my body obviously looks no different directly before a workout than it does after, something about just knowing I went running makes me feel hotter. Weird but true!

Comments

comments

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7 Responses to Ask Slutever

  1. jasndkja says:

    the exercise part is complete bullshit. i love swimming. but when i did it three times a week at a club i began to hate it. eventually i started going less and less to the club and eventually i just stopped going there at all. i cannot think of a worse torture than gym or exerciste. also, i think you're a little fascist and hipocrite. you want people to conform into beign well with their bodies, but also force them into exercise, so they can fill the requirements fashion and society want to shove into people throats.

  2. dude says:

    not gonna lie, this one kind of sucked.

  3. pervert says:

    "i think you're a little fascist and hipocrite. you want people to conform into beign well with their bodies, but also force them into exercise, so they can fill the requirements fashion and society want to shove into people throats."i just cannot with this statement.karley isn't being 'hipocrite' by advising this girl to either embrace her size or lose some weight. it's just simple logic. if your attitude / personality has been impacted in a negative way by weight gain and you can't come to terms with that, then why not just lose the weight? guys do treat you differently when you're heavier. especially if they're only interested in sex. from what i've seen, girls who seem super confident / comfortable with themselves are the ones boys find attractive and desirable.

  4. c says:

    "from what i've seen, girls who seem super confident / comfortable with themselves are the ones boys find attractive and desirable."means you can also be "big" and attractive, as long as you are self-confident. i would have put more emphasis on that and not on the fact that she might feel better if she lost some weight.

  5. wk says:

    Oh my god people are so stupid! It's not about being fat or skinny it's about liking the way you look!Trying to accept yourself the way you are just doesn't work for everyone.

  6. ?? says:

    Wow, I must be an idiot, but I can't find your email address/ ask Slutever link ANYWHERE! I wanna ask you something.

  7. Bored Bi Chick says:

    Dear Becky:There are tons of guys that find you attractive just the way you are. You're actually probably not big enough for the BBW lovers Karley mentions (but then again, im not an expert in that area). She's rigth about the confidence thing though. You're not feeling good about yourself and that's what will attract guys to you. Take a day and do some shit for yourself–waste some money on makeup, clothes, a haircut, a massage, whatever you can afford that will make you feel good. And then go out and hit on guys. And if you're not sure you can hit on guys in person yet, make an OKCupid (or the dating site of your choice, but there are lots of cute guys on OKC) and just flirt with guys there. Not only will you eventually (if not immediately) get laid, you will feel better. And if you don't think any of this is possible the way you look now, then maybe start hitting the gym. But even then, keep flirting and meeting new people. Don't be so down on yourself.

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