Ask Slutever for IDLM

Dear Slutever, I’m a fairly heavy heroin user. I’ve been doing it off and on since I was twenty-one (I’m turning thirty in a few months), and have been seriously addicted for the last five years. I do not use needles (I snort it), but my use is a good deal heavier than most junkies I’ve known. When I have the money I can use up to twenty bags a day, whereas most users hover somewhere in the three to four range. Most of my sexual life has been spent in relationships. From my high school sweetheart on I found myself losing my libido as the relationship progressed, to the point where I would not want sex even though I still found the person in question very sexy, and would even at times masturbate to the thought of a girlfriend perfectly willing to have sex with me.

My last girlfriend did not know I was using drugs and a huge part of our breakup revolved around my refusal to fuck her, even not being able to get it up sometimes. I found her very sexy and wanted to be with her but my libido just dropped off a cliff after the sixth month. I now have gotten down to masturbating about once a week just to release fluids and neither my mind nor body crave sex in the least. I enjoy sex and miss it and wonder if there is any problem with me other than the drug use, and if there is a possibility that I might be able to raise my libido without quitting my vice. Alexander 

Well, heroin use is widely known to decrease libido, specifically in men. I know you are asking me for a way to solve your problem without quitting your vice, but it’s sort of a difficult question considering your vice is the problem. I dated a guy on heroin for a while a few years ago, and his problem was that he could never cum. He wanted to have sex, but then he would go on for ages with no orgasm. And you’d think a guy that could last a long time would be a good thing, but I could tell he wasn’t even enjoying the most of the time–he was mainly just was continuing on out of frustration. Our sex would normally end with me having a neck ache and a dried up, swolen vagina, and him being angry. It was really awful and I don’t know why I did it for as long as I did. The fact is, even if you’re a functioning user and can hide it from girlfriends, you’re going to be a sexual disappointment to the girls you date. Girlfriends like sex (duh) so if you’re choosing heroin over sex, then I can see why girls would dump you. So I guess you have to choose.

My advice would be to quit heroin because heroin sucks. I could go into why, however I feel that is unnecessary given the near infinite information available on the subject. And that guy I was talking about before: he’s in jail now and the last time I saw him he has a bunch of red sores all over his face. No one wants to fuck a prisoner covered in sores. Fact.

 
Dear Slutever, I’m 17 and have my first boyfriend (I realize I’m sad, don’t worry). We haven’t had sex yet which is fine, but the issue is that I can’t get him to cum. Like seriously, how hard can it be?! In a panic I tragically had to Google how to give head but I was already doing what the websites told me to, but it just doesn’t work on him. Could you give me some tips or even a breakdown of what I should be doing. Maybe hand tips too, seeing as I need mouth breaks from his impossible-to-please dick. Kelly 

Communication is totally key in this sort of situation! It’s not weird to ask someone what they want in bed. It would be weird if you were like, “OMG what is wrong with your dick!” but it’s not weird to say, “Tell me what you want me to do… I’ll do whatever you want.” Actually, just saying that will probably turn him on. (Disclaimer: you don’t actually have to do whatever he wants if you don’t want to, but you can say it anyway.) Good communication really does make sex better, I promise, so we should all start talking about sex and what we turns us on and what we love and don’t love with our lovers right now.

In terms of BJ/HJ advice, guys are more visual than girls, so maybe give him some sexy visuals to turn him on, like take your shirt and bra off really slowly or whatever. Also, a good BJ tip (if the guy is lying down on his back) is to get on your hands and knees and place your body perpendicular to his, this way he can look at your entire body while you suck his dick, which is hot. Also if you’re giving a BJ and/or HJ and you want the to finish, it’s important to get into a rhythm with your mouth/hand and not to break from it. So basically at the beginning you can do lots of sexy licking and add in frills or whatever, but at the end just do the same thing over and over. Also, if you’re going through all this trouble for him then he should also be working hard to make you cum too. Just sayin’. Also, just a thought… maybe your bf is gay?

Dear Slutever, Last night my family threw a block party. My (female) cousin was in town partying too. I’m 23, she’s 17 and insanely hot. Shit got boring because alcohol was in short supply, so the two of us went to my room and play Xbox. I kept killing her and taunting her, and she got (mock) angry and started talking shit back to me. Eventually we settled on a bet: whoever dies next has to masturbate in front of the other person. Then she died. I was super nervous at this point, so I tried to play it off as if we were never serious about it, but she (also really nervous) said a “promise is a promise”. This was fucking awesome for me, because I’ve been fantasizing about this girl for years. So she was doing it (pants down, but underwear on) and I had the biggest boner I’ve ever had. I finally worked up the courage to sit closer to her, she kept going, and I leant over and kissed her. And she kissed me back! I felt her boob, she stopped masturbating and started rubbing my cock. Long story short she gave me a blow-job and then we went to our separate rooms. Fucking A. But now she’s really upset. She hasn’t told anyone what happened, but she’s been crying, and asking me why I raped her! WTF! She’s saying it’s statutory rape even if she did say it was okay, and I’m worried I’m going to be completely fucked (figuratively and literally, once I’m in prison for underage incest sex!). What should I do? John, NM  

Jeez Louise, you really got yourself into a pickle. Have you seen that movie The Dreamers? Total incest vibes, and there’s a scene in it similar to what you just described, except they never make it to the blow job. You should watch it though, I think you’d be into it. Anyway, I personally don’t think there’s anything wrong with hooking up with your cousin. And I can imagine the “wrongness” aspect of it would make the situation hotter. (And it’s not like it’s your sibling or your mom or something, which even I have to admit is kind of weird.) So, if things went down as you said they did then you are not a rapist. However the problem with fucking 16/17 years olds is that they can always pull the statutory rape card. Selfish little cunts! This is why it’s probably better to not take the risk on the underagers, even though I believe most 17 year olds are completely mentally and physically capable of deciding who they want to fuck with and when. (Why the age of consent in America is 18, I have no clue…) But anyway, my advice is to sit down with your cousin and talk rationally about what happened. Explain that you never meant to hurt her, and that what happened was a result of decisions made by both of you. Talk about how if she started telling people you raped her that you could go to jail for a very long time. Hopefully she’s just a bit overwhelmed right now and will calm down soon. Yikes… :/

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11 Responses to Ask Slutever for IDLM

  1. sweens says:

    Drugs and your dingdong! Reminds me of when my friends and I used to drink bottles of cough syrup and get all twisted…one time I forgot how to pee and had to relearn by walking around for 8hrs in darks woods with my pecker hanging out my pants.

  2. claire says:

    wrote out my thoughts on your answer to the incest q here coz it was too long for a comment .. http://hughmales.blogspot.co.uk/
    peace x

    • darkroom says:

      preach!

      • Daniel says:

        When people talk about patriarchy, I find it difficult to pay attention to what they are saying because I can’t help thinking about how it is a tired cliché that oversimplifies and overgeneralizes the experience of both genders. Feminism has built up a lot of meaning around this word, when it is actually a very simple concept. The United States has not had a patriarchy for a while. Many of the things we try to say would be said more clearly if we used more specific and accurate language.

        Also, what if the genders were switched? Would any of your argument make sense? You are gender stereotyping all throughout the post. Why do you jump to conclusions just because he is male? Yes, there is a good chance that he is not telling the whole story and his cousin has a right to feel violated, but there is a good chance that he is being 100% truthful. We should take women very seriously when they say that they have been raped, but we should also give men the benefit of the doubt. Nobody is guilty until proven guilty.

        Furthermore, objectification is the shitiest concept ever thought of. Just because someone is sexy and you wouldn’t mind fucking them, it does not mean that you view them as an object. Plus, what is wrong with the “male gaze”? Until you touch someone, tell someone, or do something that requires their effort/commitment, your thoughts are own business; there is nothing wrong with seeing the sexiness of a person.

        Also, ephebophilia is totally different from pedophilia.

        Not trying to attack you, just your argument.

        • claire says:

          okay quickly: It is a feminist argument, so ofc it wouldnt make sense if the genders i talked about were switched.
          i think patriarchy exists everywhere still and it is basically through men asserting power and dominance over women in a whole variety of ways. it has been made complicated by trans / queer theory and western women gaining rights recently but you have to accept the world is a sexist place against women, regardless of how differently they experience it. the male gaze is used by men to undermine women because they are reduced to their “sexiness” rather than value as a person, and it is not always welcome by the girl in question. putting women on a sexiness pedestal can be just as oppressive as hitting her if she is not okay with it because she loses her power. i guess i do jump to generalizations about gender because i believe that socialization/ society teaches us to follow gender roles which give men a certain power over women and we have 2 fight it by being feminists and aware and breaking them, but a lot of the time i stand by my generalizations. (objectification may not seem so shitty to you but maybe you think that as a man who has had a lot less unwelcome sexual attention than women get) and in terms of sexism I think a lot of women experience these things in common although there are huge cultural differences

          peace

  3. grinz says:

    I love your blog but you are SO bad at giving advice

    • girl says:

      tbf it was a pretty difficult question to answer, and i think all the comments about patriarchal societies are slightly irrelevant, but you fucked up in telling a guy his 17 year old cousin is a ‘selfish little cunt’ when he may or may not have raped her…

  4. Anke says:

    I think your answer to the incest question is irresponsible and thoughtless. Seventeen year old girls are naive and impressionable and regardless of whether the girl went along with it at the time and did indeed consent, her cousin is older and it is perfectly natural for her to now feel somewhat taken advantage of and uncomfortable with what happened. He, and a lot of other people, have no qualms about fooling around with cousins, but that’s irrelevant. What is relevant is that she’s not ok with it. If you’re not mature enough to give advice in a situation like this, just don’t.

  5. Jake says:

    For the people who think she shouldn’t be giving out advice you might be right but whether or not you think she should the questions were asked to her. So if someone ask a question you should answer it if shes unqualified they should have asked someone else like Dear Abby joking there but there are plenty of other people that will answer sex related questions. As for the cousin situation I don’t think the whole story is there I don’t know that for a fact it just feels off to me and no I’m no expert this is just my opinion. Hers the thing though after your name you put a NM if that means New Mexico the age of consent is 17 so if you are/were there its not statutory. I still think you need to talk to here if you didn’t force her and try to figure out whats wrong maybe she feels bad because it was with a cousin and she thinks that’s wrong maybe she was high or drunk and thinks you took advantage of her I don’t know on that. I do figure that if she does start telling people even though if your in NM there will be a huge family fallout. I fooled around with a cousin one time I met her and we had a good time for one night she was headed back home the next day we didn’t have sex but we had fun under the stars. The next day we talked on the phone and started talking about our families and figured out at that point that we were cousins I think she was a 2nd cousin so not immediate but fairly close neither of us had any issue with it she just lived a long was away from me. I think though that if you truly love someone them being a cousin shouldn’t matter now a sibling is a different thing to me the only time it might would be okay with me is siblings maybe half siblings that didn’t know each other met and fell in love then discovered they were related. Though the chances of that are small it has happened before.

  6. randy cox says:

    funny that people are getting worried about your advice. do people truly go to places like this to get real advice? but you should have been able to recognize the bullshit heroin question, that guy’s an obvious fake. nobody who needs that much smack in one day would dream of snorting it. if you don’t like injecting, you smoke. snorting is like flushing half down the toilet. also nobody that fucked up on heroin would have the concerns he professes to have. total bs

  7. Lala says:

    @anke. I totally agree with Karley a 17 year old girl knows exactly what they are doing. This society has become a baby society were people do not take responsibility for anything. At 16 I fucked a 32 year old and believe me I knew what I was doing. I am so sick of these stupid people using laws to protect people from real rape to excuse horny, willing, insecure girls from a bad decision. At the age of 5 we already know wrong from right.

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