The question on every 16-year-old girl’s mind… By Karley Sciortino
I’m sixteen—the age of consent in my state—and to sum it up, I’m sick of being a virgin. I don’t want to wait around for some guy to pick me up and take my V-card, so I’m actively taking charge of my sexuality and taking to the internet to lose it. I met a 30-year-old guy on Craigslist, who’s experienced and writes very persuasive emails. I think that losing it to him would be an option, but I don’t know if I want to pursue it. On one hand, I was sexually awakened at a really young age, and I don’t want to be with someone in the future who would care whether or not I was a virgin. On the other hand, maybe I should abide by social norms and wait for someone who’s “special.” Doesn’t every girl have that “swept-off-your-feet” V-card story? I don’t really know if I want that. If I lost it to this internet random, my story would be “actively ripped up V-card by flipping the bird to backwards social constructs of virginity” — not very romantic, but maybe cool? Ultimately, I just want to know if you think I would regret going through with this. And if I should do it?
OK, wow, breathe. You need to think about this rationally—I suggest you masturbate first, to level your head and get yourself out of your current, seemingly manic sex-crazed state. I am totally with you that, despite society having made some huge leaps forward with regard to the sexual double standard in recent years, we still live in a world with some backwards views about female sexuality—virginity in particular. As I always say: We need to move past this outdated and destructive idea that, by having sex, men are getting something, whereas women are giving up something. As if! And in that regard, I totally agree that you shouldn’t have to “wait around” for some guy “take your V-card.” If you’re really curious and horny (which is seems you are), then waiting to fall in love might feel like torture, and you should totally try to expedite the process, if you want to.
That being said, there are a variety of ways to lose your virginity that don’t involve essentially auctioning off your hymen next to an ad for a used coffee table. Why not sleep with someone from your school, for example? Or some 18-year-old guy who works at the mall? Or literally anyone who isn’t a 30-year-old man from Craigslist, because honestly he sounds like a fucking creep from hell. Believe me, any man in his 30s who’s actively trying to sleep with a 16-year-old is a sad, pathetic loser. Either he’s too tragic to get laid by people his own age, or he’s a creepy old man with questionable motives. I’m 30. If I started fucking a 16-year-old, no one I know would ever speak to me again—and rightly so.
You’ve never had sex before. When you do, it doesn’t have to be super magical and on a bed of rose petals or something gross and cheesy like that. But, what is important the first time that you have sex is that you feel safe. OMG I sound like such a mom right now, but it’s true. Generally speaking, I’m pro doing potentially dumb things for no reason other than they would make a good story. I remember when I was about 10 my step-grandmother told me, “You can pride yourself on being responsible, or you can pride yourself on having good stories, but you can’t have both.” The best/most dangerous advice. Since then, I have made some really fucking retarded life decisions, but I’m great at a dinner party. But there’s a thin line between being an idiot in a fun way and just being an idiot.
And I mean, you never know—maybe fucking this guy would be fun, and it would def make an interesting story. But it might be awful, and you don’t want your first sexual experience to be traumatizing, because that might negatively affect your attitude toward sex in the future. You’re only 16. You have the rest of your life to make questionable sexual decisions.