A few months ago I took some of photographs of boys jerking-off until they came, as part of my rigorous investigation into the art of the cumface. I disguised my experiment as a “fashion shoot” so that Vice would give me money to buy vodka and porn magazines for the various “models” (AKA specimens). My conclusion was a simple one: Boys look hot when they cum, in a deformed, facial lobotomy sort of way.
I recently conducted the experiment again, this time with girls, in an attempt to evaluate the differences between how girls and guys get themselves off. The profound scientific results are as follows:
*Note: 75% of the photos in this shoot have been taken down since first posted for various reasons…
1. Girls are more porno
When boys jerk-off they look like they’re in severe pain, and then after they cum they look like they might puke or die. Real talk! Girls look like they’re in pain too, but in a more metaphoric, porno way. Also there’s a lot more moaning and 80’s-style hair tossing involved, and the whole thing sort of looks like it’s in slow motion, even though it isn’t.
2. It doesn’t take long, for both sexes
The story goes that it’s more difficult for girls to reach orgasm than it is for guys. But FYI, just because it takes ages for you to make us cum, doesn’t mean we can’t do it super quickly ourselves. And we can be really discrete about it too! We do it under our coats on long car rides. We do it in public restrooms like homeless people while you’re waiting outside, thinking that we’re just peeing. Sometimes we even do it lying in bed next to you, with the blanket draped loosely over our knees and abdomen, and you don’t have any idea! Get a clue!
3. Guys need porn, girls don’t
The majority of the guys I photographed requested pornography in order to get hard. I guess that goes along with the stereotype that men are more “visual” than women when it comes to sex. Or perhaps guys are just lazy and can’t be bothered to use their imaginations, whereas girls are more capable of creating vivid sexual fantasies with their minds?? Just throwing that out there.
4. Girls cum for longer, I think
With guys, the zenith of pleasure seems to occur the split second before ejaculation, and then the actual act of cumming is more of a tension release, sort of like a comedown. (Fun fact: Ejaculation and orgasm are not the same thing. Guys can jizz without reaching sexual climax.) When girls cum, however, it’s a slow buildup of increased pleasure until we reach orgasmic euphoria. This lasts for a solid few seconds then slowly dies down, leaving our bodies feeling all warm and tingly inside, like a vibrator immediately after use.
In conclusion, orgasms are a lot like snowflakes–glorious gifts handcrafted by god, no two exactly alike. Boys cum slightly different than girls, but that’s OK, because we’re all our own special, unique snowflakes.