Rants, Feelings & Opinions

A Brief History of Digital Love

November 5, 2012
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I wrote this article for last month’s issue of Oyster Magazine. The theme was ‘digital,’ so I wrote a brief history of my experience with digital love. I have written posts in the past that covered similar territory, but this is an overview, of sorts. Photo by Daidō Moriyama

The first internet person I ever fucked was Caleb. I had recently broken up with my boyfriend of more than four years, and was looking for a rebound to help me ease the pain and/or stroke my quickly deflating ego. This was back in the days when I only wanted to fuck disabled guys. My most recent ex (at the time) had spina bifida. He was in a wheelchair part of the time, on medical crutches the rest. I could go into a deep psychoanalysis of why, for the majority of my life, I’ve only wanted to be with boys who are, you know… messed up, but I’ll spare you. The quickie version (which I’ve assembled with help from my psychiatrist) is this: If I am dating someone who is inherently flawed, it makes my own flaws seem less relevant or severe. I don’t have to be a perfect version of myself around him — I can be as overbearing, needy, and emotionally available as my heart desires — and it’s OK, because he’s not perfect either. Basically, I’m off the hook.


So, I was in need of a rebound. Unfortunately the type of guy I was looking for wasn’t easily found in the sort of hang-out spots I frequented, so I decided to post an ad in the ‘casual encounters’ section of a local London classifieds website. My ad read as follows: “Busty, blonde 23 y/o girl seeks hot, weird-looking guys / general freaks. Into tall and very thin. Large nose a plus. Between 18 and 30. Preferably deaf. I want you, I need you, oh baby, oh baby.”


Caleb was 23, studied biology, and had cerebral palsy. Of all the replies I received (of which there was, I must say, a shocking amount), Caleb was by far the best. He fit my physical qualifications perfectly — a walking skeleton with blueish-white skin and a nose so big it was a wonder that he held his head up. Plus, I’d never fucked a guy with CP before, and that seemed like it could be, I don’t know… hot? Difficult? Abstract? I needed to know.


Caleb flailed about constantly. Sex wasn’t so much sex as it was watching him twist his body into weird Gumby positions. I didn’t mind — I thought it was beyond sexy — but he seemed frustrated. At times he’d accidentally hit me with his arms, hands, face, etc while we fucked. Then once, right as he was about to cum, he twitched and headbutted me in the nose. I was left with two black eyes. He was mortified; I couldn’t believe my luck. We continued sleeping together for two months before he moved away to attend graduate school at Cambridge.


In the winter of 2009, not long after the departure of Caleb, I developed an intense internet-crush on a boy named Hamilton Morris. Hamilton was a writer who wrote about chemistry and pharmacology (so basically, like, weird drugs), and he also made documentaries on the same subjects, traveling to foreign lands and investigating rare psychoactive materials. The first video of Hamilton’s I came across was of him in the Amazon rainforest being ritualistically burned and dosed with the hallucinogenic venom of a tree frog. His shirtless body, which was covered in bug bites and dirt, looked worryingly under-inflated. I want him inside me, I thought.

Hamilton was possibly the most beautiful person my eyes had ever seen: deep-set eyes, body like a line drawing, deathly pallor, long locks of chestnut-brown hair — and, of course, a big fuck-off nose. His voice alone made you want to fuck him: warped and uncomfortably deep, like a cassette tape that had been left out in the sun too long. When I saw him on my laptop screen, I swear I nearly gasped. He was the personification of every mental sketch I’d ever created of the ‘perfect boy’. Then, as with any internet crush, I began cyber-stalking. In the following weeks I read every article he’d written and watched every video of him that was available online. I spent my days laying about, fantasizing about us meeting, falling in love, and him stealing me away to some exotic land to watch the sunrise while tripping on anally-administered DMT among some ancient ruins… or whatever it was that he was into. The problem, however, was that I lived in London and he lived thousands of miles away in New York. Woe was me. What was to be done?

Around this time, I was toying with the idea of the internet as a sort of ‘God’ figure — if you wanted something, I thought, all you had to do was ask the internet for it and it would be yours. Some people prayed — I blogged, so I started blogging about my obsession with Hamilton. I thought, everyone has Google alerts, right? So, if I write about how much I want him, maybe he’ll see it and realize we’re meant to be…

And so I began writing a series of irrationally obsessive blog posts about how infatuated I was with him: how I would set a place for him at my dinner table every night and imagine he was there eating with me; how I would make out with my hand in the shower and pretend they were his lips I was tonguing, rather than my own palm; and so on. Lo and behold, within a week the internet gods had answered my request in the form of a Facebook message from the Love Of My Life. It simply read, “I’ve seen the blogs. Are you ever in New York? If so, we should hang out.” I almost puked.

Coincidentally (or not?), six months later I was deported from the UK after being caught coming back into London on the Eurostar with an expired visa. So, I moved to New York, because… why not? Hamilton and I had kept in contact in the months leading up to this point — albeit very, very briefly — and though our digital love had not been consummated, I was pretty sure I’d cum thinking about him more than I had about any other boy in my entire life, which at the time felt, you know… profound and stuff.

Anyway, he’d given me his phone number, but I didn’t want to call him — I wanted to do something grander; to make a big impression. So, I put on the $10 thrift-store polyester wedding dress I’d bought back in the ninth grade and waited on the doorstep of his apartment building. Obviously. (I’d pressured a mutual acquaintance of ours into giving me his address, which at the time I had convinced myself was not creepy at all, but rather just my way of lending the internet gods a hand.) What felt like hours later, I watched as Hamilton’s mantis-like body moved toward me in an awkward lurch. As I looked up at him, my body perspiring profusely under the layers of polyester, he flashed me a look of simultaneous confusion and fear. “I think we may have met in a past life,” he said after a long pause, kneeling down beside me. “You think it’s possible?”

I wanted to say, “You’re the man of my dreams.” I wanted to say, “It’s weird seeing you in 3D.” I wanted to say, “Can I put my head under your t-shirt and stay there forever?” But instead I just said, “Yeah, maybe.”
Forty minutes later I was in his bed. I hugged him and his body felt like a bag of nails covered in wax. Perfect, I thought. That was more than two years ago. We’re still together. I’m undecided as to whether I owe our meeting more to fate or Google alerts.

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55 Comments

  • Reply Nina Neon November 6, 2012 at 10:09 am

    Dear Slutever,

    I have been reading your blog for many years (5 at least) and I always greatly enjoyed it – It’s one of the few websites I always came back to, over so many years. You are a really good writer and your topics were always either relatable or mind blowing.

    With this post, though, I find it very annoying/lazy of you to describe disabled people as ‘inherently flawed’ and ‘one step further than ugly’. I have spina bifida too (the thought of saying that I ‘suffering from’ spina bifida has never entered my mind – my life is too good to justify saying that I suffer from anything, apart from bad hair/unfortunate outfit choices every now and then). The idea of someone dating me just because they feel they can be a pathetic idiot around me is horrid. I had my fair share of guys trying to hit on me because they thought ‘oh, wheelchair girl is an easy pull’, but those people give me the creeps, I try to stay away from them as far as I can. I know that my fiance doesn’t see me as flawed because of my disability or ugly, thank you very much.

    I have had the please of meeting your ex-boyfriend, and I am very sure that there are many people who want to have sex with him not because his flaws/ugliness make them feel better about themselves, but because he is hot, plays in a band and is a really funny, genuine and nice guy. Honestly, wtf? I am really disappointed that you wrote that. Your blog was one of the very few I read regularly, and now I am not sure I will anymore. This makes me sad.

    • Reply karleyslutever November 7, 2012 at 7:18 am

      OK I have to explain myself. I think you are right, I was insensitive. I realize that I have a tendency to make potentially insensitive comments or jokes, because I just assume (sometimes wrongly) that people will just KNOW how I truly think and feel about things, and understand that even though I’m being flippant I really do have the best intentions in mind. Obviously, the reason I find disabled guys hot is not only because they are “inherently flawed.’ I’m someone (and I think/hope this comes though on this blog) that loves and is very turned on by weirdness, and the unique elements of someone’s physical appearance and personality. (Freaks are hot, duh!) And so when someone has a body that is “different,” and is also beautiful, it’s like… the ultimate, ya know?

      EVERYONE is inherently flawed. Some people’s “imperfections” are more instantly obvious that others’. What I meant with my “inherently flawed” comment (which was meant to be sort of a joke, just to confirm), is that I was attracted to the idea that a person’s imperfections are all out of the table. It seems more sincere, somehow, rather than having to spend weeks trying desperately to uncover all the things that are “wrong” with the person you’re fucking. Any anyway, all of the stupid things I say on this blog generally just reflect my own insecurities anyway. So basically I’m sorry if I was thoughtless and plz don’t stop reading my blog!

      xx

      • Reply Nina Neon November 7, 2012 at 1:36 pm

        Thanks for getting back to me, Karley. I won’t stop reading your blog, and I actually think the 2nd half of this entry is very cute.

        I am still not happy about what you wrote in terms of disability and sex – after a four-year relationship with a disabled person, I think reducing that person to their disability comes across as a bit funny – I am sure your ex had other ‘flaws’ than being disabled (as you say, everyone is inherently flawed), which weren’t all on the table when you first met him. To reduce someone so much to their disability seems a bit strange, especially after such a long relationship.
        My fiance read your blog yesterday as well (for the first time), and said to me: ‘I don’t understand it. To me, you being in a wheelchair was just another thing, in the same way that I have brown eyes’.
        Your post kind of reminded me of the way fancying disabled peope is being pathologized (as many fetishes are), but you are doing this process to yourself, by thinking it is wrong/weird to fancy disabled people (and even seeking help from a therapist). On the other hand, people with fetishes for disabled people often use ableist arguments (e.g. ‘I am the only one who finds your weirdness sexy, so you should be gladly accepting my advances’), which your post kind of evoked as well, which some disabled people find very insulting.
        I actually think it is a pity this post dealt with those issues in such a flippant manner, as it might be interesting to explore these ideas further.

        • Reply karleyslutever November 7, 2012 at 4:23 pm

          I’m going to write a part 2. It feels necessary. xx

          • Sean November 7, 2012 at 5:07 pm

            awesome to see you’re writing a part two, interested to read it.

            I completely agree with Nina, but I still think the premise of the piece itself is interesting. I think it’s more a matter of being self-aware when it comes to writing about sexuality and those with disabilities. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of presenting those who are crips, disabled, differently abled how ever you want to be called being sex-less and that their partners are doing them a favor of being sexual with them, thats what scared me about this piece.

            That said, the fact Karley was about to also write about the awkwardness and the difficulty of someone abled bodied being sexual with someone with a disability is something that is important. I have Cerebral Palsy and I found that portion to actually be extremely funny and on point. I give her credit for going there, because people ARE too afraid to discuss that aspect of it. It’s a matter of creating a new kind of dialog. No, sex with someone disabled isn’t always easy and it can be extremely hard and we can’t shy away from that, just like we can’t shy away from some of the stereotypes or taboos that come when one discusses sexuality and disability. While I know there has been a good amount of journalistic type pieces when it comes to sexuality and disability, it’s nice even with this articles major flaws, that someone is willing to go there. My personal beliefe is that if you’re going to write about sex, you gotta go into the less “erotic” parts about it too, and yeah sex with someone who is disabled does have a lot of those moments, but not more so than any able-bodied type sex. But when someone goes there like Karley did it might seem as if she’s making light of that awkwardness, but to be honest I personally did read it that way at all.

            Disability and sex at least on a mainstream front almost seem to not exist and that’s only because I feel as though most people choose to not believe it exists. How can a person so helpless want sex much less want to “cum”. People want to make those who are disabled almost like these helpless pets or something, and the last thing on anyone’s mind who deems someone that way is their sexuality. Pleasure is considered by some a selfish thing and no one wants to view those with disabilities as selfish, but fuck that, we have needs too.

            I don’t for a second think Karley wrote those things to get “hits” etc, I just think it could have been presented differently, with a few different angles that goes far beyond the idea/vibe of giving sex to someone disabled as a “care giving” type thing. I still back this piece just in terms of some of the things I think she was trying to say. Was I offended? No, only because I don’t think Karley is that clueless, not by a mile, I just think it was presented in a way that wasn’t really as radical in positive way as what it really could have been.

        • Reply Sofia November 7, 2012 at 6:06 pm

          Thank you for writing this comment Nina.

      • Reply Stel November 7, 2012 at 2:29 pm

        I can relate somewhat, I don’t have a disability per se but my hand is deformed, so I’m with you on the “obvious imperfections” and “flaws out on the table”. I also have a lot of scars on my body from various surgeries, so getting naked in front of a guy for the first time is also quite a nerve-wracking experience. Even if my stomach is completely flat that day and my tits look awesome, I can’t really do anything about my scars and my hand. The interesting thing about my hand is that at first, people don’t notice it. Its always fascinating to see how people’s perceptions of me and reactions to me change once they realise I have this “flaw”. While it is horrible and awkward when people first notice my hand and mumble “oh, wow, i didnt realise. um, ok”, it does make things more sincere as people become more willing to share their flaws with you too. AND it is also a jerk-filter! Anyone who acts super weird towards it is not worth my time.

        Anyway, I just wanted to say that I thought Karley’s comments on the unique elements of personal appearance and “different” bodies are really beautiful and they definitely made me feel better about myself. For years when I was younger I used to cry and wish and plead that I could change and thought that my hand was the sole reason no boys loved me. But knowing that there are people out there who appreciate these unique differences is really comforting.

  • Reply Sleepless November 6, 2012 at 10:10 am

    AWW that was so romantic, love how spontaneous you are Karley, you never seem to feel at awe writing about what’s usually considered secret or awkward.

  • Reply Kelly November 6, 2012 at 11:52 am

    so sweet, I love this…

  • Reply Manchester Escort November 6, 2012 at 12:59 pm

    I really enjoyed this!

  • Reply ~sarah p. November 6, 2012 at 3:51 pm

    This just proves my theory that creepiness is almost always the best policy.
    Adorable!

  • Reply Shay November 6, 2012 at 4:35 pm

    I thought you told Hamilton “No” but you really meant yes ;)

  • Reply MV November 6, 2012 at 5:00 pm

    O m g you are SO BAD for me….I am literally almost this insane and this post is fuelling the already too loud voice in my head that believes in just fucking going for it….if ONLY I was deported and had nothing to lose…pretty brave and decisive, a very hopeful story anyway.

  • Reply jane November 6, 2012 at 7:12 pm

    I bet you think Adam Bainbridge of Kindness is hot no?

    • Reply karleyslutever November 7, 2012 at 2:39 am

      beyond

      • Reply jane November 7, 2012 at 5:45 pm

        what about Paul Dano? I think we have similar taste…

      • Reply Sarah Molly November 8, 2012 at 3:05 am

        Oh come on why is that relevant, he’s not even weird hot he’s just literally the best looking man on the planet, 100% of females agree

  • Reply b November 6, 2012 at 8:08 pm

    ‘When I was little, my mother always told me it’s best to date ugly guys because they appreciate you more. I guess I just took that one step further.’

    shut up you idiot

  • Reply Livia November 6, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    Lucky girl! I thought the same thing the first time I saw the same video as you did, this guy looks awesome! You are the cutest couple, I love both your work. If I was living in NY (my biggest dream!), I would like to have cool and smart friends like you guys. And no, I am not thirteen but thirty three years old dumb, hehe.

  • Reply SarahK November 6, 2012 at 10:11 pm

    Glad you found and got your guy. Glad that he didn’t think you were a crazy nut job but instead could see the amazing, funny and talented girl you are. Oh you guys!

  • Reply gremlin November 6, 2012 at 11:59 pm

    Really happy for you that you guys are still together 2 years later, you guys make a lovely couple :) I always wonder what Hamilton has to say about your first encounter though??

  • Reply est November 7, 2012 at 12:08 am

    Reminiscent of early Palahniuk. Fab post, I like your style.

  • Reply Bex November 7, 2012 at 12:46 am

    This gives me hope. Lovely post Karley :)

  • Reply L November 7, 2012 at 2:21 am

    best thing i have read in a while

  • Reply Juan November 7, 2012 at 4:50 pm

    why r u such a good writer

  • Reply Miwako November 7, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    I wish you didn’t write such ableist posts. You should perhaps take the time to research or take a course on feminism and intersectionality because your blog reaches a vast audience of marginalized people and for you to essentialize them in your posts is pretty fucking disgusting, especially with the fact that you flippantly put off their discussion in the comments with ‘well it was just a joke lol ok wtv’ teen attitude. I thought from one of your last posts you were trying to be more mature and adult about life? I guess that just comes down to a new haircut.

    • Reply karleyslutever November 7, 2012 at 6:15 pm

      “take a course on feminism.” lol I can’t think of anything more pointless. Feminism: live it, don’t talk about it.

      Also, I was not flippantly putting off the discussion in the comments. I was engaging in and continuing the discussion, which is obvious.

      • Reply Turbulenthirties November 7, 2012 at 6:38 pm

        This is a very delicate subject. How or why people develope certain tastes in partners is subjective. The article is not P.C, but this blog isn’t supposed to be P.C, hence the title. I find the interaction between author and reader to be quite constructive and engaging. I myself am attracted to people with prosthetic limbs, crutches and wheelchairs. When I see an attractive man I sometimes like to imagine how he would look with plastic arm or leg. Not that I would want anything to happen to the person, but it simply would increase my sexual interest in that person. On the other hand I like women with large butts and wheelchair free. I’m not sure what a healthcare professional would say about this but I do not attribute it to any weakness of my own, its just a matter of taste.

    • Reply Nina Neon November 7, 2012 at 9:16 pm

      look at you, getting all the academic theory-words in one post, well done.

      I think Karley is really trying to take the comments seriously and does take responsibility for her post beyond just beying like ‘it was just a joke lolz whatevs’.

    • Reply whaaaaaaa November 7, 2012 at 9:42 pm

      let karley be karley and if you dont like it, dont read it! no one can please everyone and we cant walk around earth acting like we can! more people need to be like her and speak their damn minds, no matter who it offends!

      • Reply Sean November 8, 2012 at 1:14 am

        I’m gonna combine this reply to both whaaaaa & Turbulenthirties and expand a bit more on what I posted earlier.

        Of course if we dont like it we won’t read it. I actually liked some of it and other parts I didn’t…at all. I don’t think Karley wrote this piece to just use those differently abled for blog hits as I stated before, nor do I think she was pulling some weak GG Allin type shock bull shit by posting her some what raw, awkward sexual experiences with those differently abled. Again I commend her for A. writing the piece, but B having the guts to reply to these comments and write a part 2 or what have you. If you’re a serious reader of this blog and respect what Karley does or whatever, you should be glad she’s having this kind of discourse happen on her blog. It means people do care enough to listen to what she has to say, and she actually cares about what her readers think and takes their thoughts seriously.

        As far as being “too PC” or whatever. I am the last person that is PC in terms of my disability. I am extremely aware of how goofy my legs look when I walk, or how when i see steps it makes me as bummed as hearing some goofy dude talk about how great Sasha Grey’s noise band is or something. I can look at myself and see how weird it is we all put pressure on ourselves to look a certain way with our bodies and sexuality, abled-bodied or not. Having a disability is awkward and strange (and this does NOT make it bad AT ALL), and like I said before, sexual relationships with those who are differently abled can be “hard” to adjust to for the abled-bodied person. For me personally to see those parts actually written about brings a certain reality to sexuality and those who are disabled. It also brings a certain type of validity to them as well, because we all know sex between two able bodied people can be just as strange if not more so.

        I can totally make fun of the fact that “I can’t do x” or ” x is harder to do” or I’m a bit slower physically, I can own those things, and when I see someone writing about those things within the context not of oppressing someone or some group, but seeing how silly it is that we live by certain sexual and/or standards I think that’s funny and awesome because well, I believe that person is seeing the bigger picture here. I call myself crippled (in case some readers don’t know in some circles the term might seem derogatory but many of those in the disability community actually are taking that word back in a sense) all the time and my friends do as well. What really is going on here is that we are in some ways poking fun at the abled bodied culture around us. It’s all in fun but it also is myself , my friends, and partners owning up to the fact how I am treated outside those who know and support me is sometimes fucked. I also am aware, some people deal with their oppressions differently and that’s OK. I don’t expect everyone in the disabled community or whatever the hell it is, to deal with owning their disability the way I do. And if something does offend them instead of lashing out at them I wanna find out why. As I expressed before in my other post, we as a society are NOT used to seeing sex and disability together, it just isn’t there. We barely see any differently abled people on TV or whatever. I mean come on, that crippled guy on Glee is a fucking pussy. So in some way while it isn’t anything new and academics have tackled this disability/sexuality / representation subject before, to see it in a “hipster, Brooklyn centric, Vice approved” type blog is interesting because that sub culture (whatever it actually is) doesn’t have very many (if any) representatives of disability much less their sexuality. I mean I’m pretty sure that clowny show Girls doesn’t have some spastic CP girl in it or American Apparel hasn’t done an ad series with people in wheelchairs or missing limbs.

        The real issue here is when you make those crippled disabled etc less than human. Karley was almost at the edge of that here, and thats why you see the reaction you do from some in my opinion. Not because those who questioned Karley were like “fuck you thats not PC”, it was because it’s very easy to simplify these kinds of things and have the reader NOT ACTUALLY getting the humor I believe Karley was trying to express. Of course you’re not going to come to Slut Ever or any blog like this to get a totally PC view point. BUT anyone who uses the “well the world isn’t PC so deal with it” type bullshit defense is more than likely the kinda person that IS misinformed and maybe a bigot in some way. It’s the people who can (simplifying it here) call out both sides. The idea that we have to be honest without pulling punches but, real in that these are issues that do have an affect on people and their inclusion in these aspects of every day life. Those who can express that are doing really interesting stuff, this blog sometimes does that.

        • Reply whaaaaaaa November 8, 2012 at 4:05 am

          #serious is OUT THA WINDOW

          • whaaaaaaa November 8, 2012 at 4:21 am

            i say this b/c i work with disabled folks and they are my ABSOLUTE FAVORITES. i like them b/c they are more real than the average addict i work with. one of my fave clients comes to my office and slobbers and blows his nose full of blood and has shit stains and piss stains on his pants but he seriously is one of the ONLY people that has an EXCELLENT sense of humor and man, he’s just the best. we get along alright and i will miss him when he is gone.

        • Reply Nina Neon November 8, 2012 at 11:13 am

          I agree with what you said: What made me angry when reading this first was the flippant, thoughtless manner in which the post dealt with this issue (actually just writing a paragraph about it, as a side-note to something else), when I think there is so much more here to talk about and also different perspectives that should be brought in.

          As I said, I have read Slutever for 5 years or so, and Karley wrote about things before that I strongly disagreed with/didn’t appeal to me personally or whatever, but she usually did it in a much more elaborate, rounded manner and explained herself better, so I never took real issue with it.

          I think there are a few disabled people that are considered to be ‘cool’, ‘sexy’ or ‘fashionable’ or whatever, like Aimee Mullins, Viktoria Modesta and Mat Fraser (if you don’t know them, check them out, they’re all hot), especially as those people are happy to portray themselves as freakish/ outlandish and don’t mind their disabilities being fetishized. but I agree, what we get right now in terms of culture, whether it’s mainstream or niche, is not enough. While everyone seems to be offended for the lack of black girls in black, what about the lack of crips? etcetcetc. But this is Karley’s blog, not Lena Dunham’s, so whatever.

          I am really happy Karley wrote this, actually, because it has triggered a good, constructive discussion, although I think a certain person who commented here is a fucking troll.

    • Reply karleyslutever November 7, 2012 at 10:18 pm

      Thanks guys. And yeah Miwako, thesaurus much??

  • Reply M November 7, 2012 at 6:39 pm

    This is my favorite piece of yours I’ve ever read.

  • Reply whaaaaaaa November 7, 2012 at 9:43 pm

    oh and i sorta tried the digital love thing and all i got was #blocked. double #sadface

  • Reply Marina November 8, 2012 at 2:28 am

    I’m also guilty of romanticising disabilities -physical and mental- for reasons I’m not completely sure of. I think it’s partly to do with wanting to look after them. People who look ill just look like they need caring for (even if they actually don’t need my help at all) and I just want to cook them nice food, nag them to go see their doctor and to be there for them when they feel self-destructive.
    My first crush wasn’t anyone from a boyband. I read the third Harry Potter book when I was eight and immediately adored Professor Lupin, who teaches Harry for only a year but is since remembered as everyone’s favourite teacher. In the books he is described as being really thin and ill-looking (no facial hair like in the films, gross) and the Wizarding World having become infected by a werewolf. He locks himself away while he transforms, and with no persons to attack he bites and scratches himself. My eight year old self didn’t realise he was a metaphor for illness and disability.
    The nature of people has taught me that it’s better to romanticise something than stigmatise it. It’s also nice to know that somebody else’s favourite male asset is a big bony nose. Love, love, love reading your blog.

  • Reply whaaaaaaa November 8, 2012 at 4:08 am

    hey while on #topic, can you hook me up w/ christmas or AA Bondy? im not picky. ian would REALLY do but he seems kinda too weird too approach. ive hung out with them a little bit and they seemed to not like my too #forward approach. any suggestions on getting guys to not think you are a total #batshit cray person. i mean crazy. but not really.

    • Reply whaaaaaaa November 8, 2012 at 4:09 am

      like i went on their short bus and told them they needed to clean it and started making couscous. #notreally, but sort of!

  • Reply whaaaaaaa November 8, 2012 at 4:12 am

    fuck people with disabilities. they need to be gassed in effort to create a superior race for when the aliens arrive to battle. JUST KIDDING! (((((sort of))))))

  • Reply whaaaaaaa November 8, 2012 at 4:17 am

    oh and no one said anything about the descriptive picture. not a train wreck per se, but def a god damn car wreck.

  • Reply whaaaaaaa November 8, 2012 at 4:25 am

    follow me on instagram: usrname: blissster

  • Reply Hands November 8, 2012 at 10:31 pm

    You write about your self way less than you used to on this blog, there other stuff is still interesting but things about you are more.

    • Reply Elise November 10, 2012 at 4:25 am

      agreed – i love this post, but i love hearing about your everyday stories more.

  • Reply D November 9, 2012 at 7:51 am

    Omg I fucking LOVE this

  • Reply offshore bank November 9, 2012 at 10:22 am

    Whether you agree with these statements or not, that’s what I believe. God never wanted Caleb or me or these babies to suffer, but the fact remains that the human race brought suffering into the world by deliberately disobeying God. God’s going to give us the strength to deal with this suffering, but He hasn’t promised to take it away. You might think I’m insane to believe this, but I’m inviting you to discuss this with me. In fact, feel free to comment or ask questions about this.

  • Reply Alicia November 10, 2012 at 11:43 pm

    Wow, Karley. Without intending to do so, you have cleared up a weird dilemma I have been in.

    I’ve been talking to this girl (hot) and she’s been flirting with me and I wondered if I should take it up and get to know her better. The thing is that she only, exclusively dates black girls. I also know her to be a person who is on the “rather messed up” end of things.

    Not that I see your words I wonder; could it be that she sees me as “inherently flawed, it making her own flaws seem less relevant or severe”?

    I could be wrong, but coupled with the bad feeling I’ve had in my gut, this angle on things is enough for me to firmly decide to give her a miss.

    Great article on the whole. Do excuse the tangent!

  • Reply Erik November 16, 2012 at 5:05 pm

    I wanted to leave a comment a few months ago saying that you’re sexy, and I like yours and hamiltons videos a lot. They helped me see cool perspectives during a tougher period. I’m both in to the leftist-city scene, and was in to the psychedelic drug scene. Many other parts of america are really archaic and people are basically in to monkey-commercial activities instead. You should be grateful that you live at a place where you can express yourself. The inner city, or rural leftist areas are not perfect. They feature opposite type regulation instead, and there is a lot of crypto-type subconscious tension. As well as people that are hypocritical in everyday life not necessarily in a malevolent way, but its actually worse at times when its supposed to be “mature” to “police” people around. This plant called iboga helped me through the depression, and thinking about sex also helped me in thinking about the better levels of human connectivity.
    Anyways, I found your videos enlightening on sexuality in a beat-poetic kind of fashion.

  • Reply JESUS November 18, 2012 at 5:33 am

    I don’t think there can be a way of people not getting offended by honesty nowadays. Some people say that in a perfect world such terms or categories as “white, black, jew, midget, disabled, freak… whatever” don’t exist and everyone lives happy ever after, but that’s really difficult cos we would need to change our whole vocabulary and tbh is like a very very hard thing to do…

    Anyway, I think the most realistic “perfect world” maybe not far from now and there would be no inferiority complexes and no susceptibilities, people would be actually content with the way they are and don’t take themselves too seriously. They would go to bars and laugh about their big noses, tits, half-arms and shitting on their pants when they see someone they like (as in a medical condition).

    My point is it’s nice that you re-explain what you actually mean, but I think you do a pretty good damn job welcoming people into that “perfect world”… Don’t ever get self-conscious about it even if it sounds like a good challenge as a writer to do something that makes everyone happy cos otherwise the #SLUTEVEREVOLUTION will end.

  • Reply Danielle November 18, 2012 at 11:53 pm

    I’m a Jezebel reader, and your last advice column was what brought me here. I’ll be honest, I found the advice rather off-putting… But I was curious because I do really like your style of writing. And your wit!

    I am SO glad I got a chance to read some of your other pieces. Like this one. In short, I really love the raw honesty in this post! Admittedly, I found it jarring at first, because let’s face it, when most people discuss attraction and sex appeal, they don’t do it like this. Which is probably why this piece grew on me so much after I read it initially.

    In short, you’ve recruited a new reader in a kind of inadvertent way. But I’m totally alright with that!! Looking forward to reading more!

    • Reply karleyslutever November 19, 2012 at 1:27 am

      I’m glad! :)

  • Reply MC November 23, 2012 at 10:31 am

    Holy fucker, you’re with Hamilton? I only just recently ‘discovered’ him via watching Vice youtube videos. I also find him strangely attractive but felt that I was somewhat odd for feeling this way (this has been a constant with most of my unconventionally attractive bean-pole boy crushes) due to the amount of youtube comments insulting his appearance. Of course, who can trust a youtube commenter, and I am so excited to see that of my interest girl crushes is dating one of my internet boy crushes and that my attraction to him is totally validated.

  • Reply duende December 8, 2012 at 5:09 am

    this is beautiful.

  • Reply Kate March 9, 2013 at 8:27 pm

    I loved this hahaahah i love you slutever I love you so much!!
    (I kind of liked Hamilton too via his Vice videos, but a bit too skinny for my taste, so I didn’t blog about it, see)
    viva the internet and google alerts.

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