There’s nothing that gets me in the Christmas spirit more than a good ‘ol holiday photo shoot. It’s a Christmas tradition in the Sciortino household to get your photo taken in front of the tree, and every year it just gets creepier and creepier.
“Do it for Jesus!” shouted my mother from behind her digital camera. “Now smile! This is about being thankful, not looking like a floozy.” Being extremely religious, my mother makes ever effort to continuously remind us of the true meaning of Christmas, rather than the “consumerist free for all” most of the world treat it as. She does this by refusing to refer to December 25th as anything but ‘Jesus’ birthday party, and using the Lord’s name as ammo every time she wants my brother or I to do something. Like clean the house, massage her feet, or dress up in ridiculous outfits and pose for photos so embarrassing only my grandparents could appreciate them. This year she bought us both festive, black velour sweat suits, which she later forced us to wear while smiling eerily in front of the decked-out tree, listening to Clay Aiken sing covers of All I Want For Christmas Is You. Wait, is this really my life?
But hey, maybe she’s right. When it comes down to it, what says Happy Birthday Jesus more than a big jolly smile and matching his-and-hers velour sweat suits? Hope you’re having a great day up there, big guy.
Here is another picture of Blaine wearing a particularly festy sweater. Believe it or not, I have sex with this.
If you’re really bored, here are some pics from last year’s photo shoot. It was especially fierce.