Emotional Avalanche

November 23, 2011
Pic by Slutever

Having a vagina can be really stressful. Being a girl is just inherently more annoying than being a boy. And I’m not even talking about the big stuff like periods or child birth. I’m talking about the small, everyday things that really add up, like not being able to jump high, having to sit with your legs closed, not being able to eat a bagel without wanting to kill yourself afterward (but also knowing that feeling this way makes you a shallow anti feminist, which then tacks on more guilt), having to go bra shopping (#hell), constantly getting your lover’s unkempt man-pubes caught at the back of your throat, etc. And then, worst of all, girls have to deal with an excessive amount of feelings and emotions–so many that at times it’s impossible to keep them under control until suddenly they come spilling out violently in an avalanche of emotion. (Boys have feeling too, however they have slightly less intense/sophisticated ones, which makes them easier to keep track of.)

One thing that instigates these emotional avalanches–for me at least–is weed. I don’t normally smoke weed for this very reason. However every once in a while I think “Oh, what the hey?!” and do it anyway, after which I instantly become totally emotionally uninhibited and unable to deduce how or when to shut the fuck up, and end up having conversations (AKA monologues) like this one:

“I love your body,” I said, “probably too much. I dream about your knees and elbows. I could fuck just your knees and elbows for the rest of my life and be satisfied.”

“Uh huh…”

“Like, I love it how your knees are the widest points on your legs, and how your arms seem all stretched out and too long for your body. You look like an over enthusiastic line drawing.”

“Uh, thanks?”

“I just… I want to have revolutionary sex with you every day for the rest of my life. And I’m not even really sure what I mean by that, but, well, it sounded good in my head.”

“Are you stoned?”

“Sometimes I jerk off thinking about you jerking off.”


“It’s like I worship you or something. God, I’m such a loser. It’s just that… I swear, I’ve never met someone who seems so above life, if that makes any sense. It’s hard for me to explain. It’s like… so for example, you move your hands when you talk, right? Making casual gestures–the sort of ordinary movements that everyone makes all the time. But when you do it it feels different: better, more spiritual. It feels like there should be an orchestra accompanying your every movement. It’s like you’re not real or something. When you open your mouth to speak I half expect pearls to come out of your mouth instead of words. Ugh… maybe I’m making too much out of this. It’s just that, you’re really beautiful in an end of the world kind of way. Is any of this making sense to you?


“Like even when I squint my eyes so hard that your face is no longer a face, and you just become this messy, flesh-colored smudge, even then I think you’re the most beautiful smudge on the face of the earth.

“How much weed did you smoke?”



You Might Also Like


  • Reply dalas v November 23, 2011 at 10:29 am

    1) Another super cute entry.
    2) LOL @ Hamilton being kind of a square about someone being stoned :P

  • Reply fd November 23, 2011 at 8:34 pm

    how tall is hammy?

    • Reply karleyslutever November 23, 2011 at 10:24 pm

      Like 6’1” I think.

  • Reply Loretta Grey November 23, 2011 at 9:56 pm

    Karley, Sometimes I feel so disgusted by thinking of things normally people do in private (the usual things like picking your nose for example), but when I think of you doing them (especially in public) just feels like cotton mouth to my fingers… like being high, eating cotton candy with your mouth so dry/moist and sweet, but in my fingers. I know thats lame, but I like you, I feel I like you a lot… I thought I was going through a “quarter-life” crisis, but I just have a sixteen year-old vagina. It’s a drag to be a girl… (or maybe the other way around?)

  • Reply AlexandriaG November 23, 2011 at 10:59 pm

    I love you for making me feel like all of my obsessions are justified.

  • Reply george x November 24, 2011 at 12:16 am

    Impressive that he can sleep and hold a glass up straight at the same time.

  • Reply gunderscores November 24, 2011 at 12:26 am

    Dear God, I’m always trying to explain to boys that girls don’t like being emotional, we literally can’t help it. And it’s a fucking burden. Like when you’re angry and you want to kill some one, but you just end up crying. So lame. Also, if it helps, I would love to say what you said to Hamilton (my own version obvz) to the boy I like, like how I think he is beyond perfection, but he just tells me it’s wrong to think of some one as perfect… Sigh… what a perfect answer…

    • Reply Caroline November 24, 2011 at 12:32 am

      Well isn’t the whole point that no one’s perfect? Which is why becoming obsessed with someone and thinking that he/she is PERFECTION is totally absurd, and we know it’s absurd, but we can’t help it and do it anyway, which makes the feeling it even more surreal and amazing. Right? Or am I totally off here?

      • Reply dalasv November 24, 2011 at 1:11 am

        ur right.

        • Reply yesyesyes November 24, 2011 at 7:46 am

          yup, right.

      • Reply gunderscores November 29, 2011 at 12:25 am

        Oh, you’re totally right! I just love finding some one that is so beautiful to you that you see every flaw, but some how they just add to the beauty. You can only hope they think the same about you I guess. This is life and this is love. FML

  • Reply Katie November 24, 2011 at 3:10 am

    “I think you’re the most beautiful smudge on the face of the earth.”
    That is so romantic. :)
    My soft spot for awkward creepy romance will be the death of me. At least it will be a sexy death, though.

  • Reply mikaela November 24, 2011 at 4:45 pm

    i’m glad i’m not the only one who fixates on/obsesses over what others would consider trivial or wouldn’t even notice to begin with. if i could tell the guy i like everything that i think about when i look at him he would probably think that i was going to love-murder him

  • Reply Awwwww November 25, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    Absolutely lovely.

  • Reply dannielle November 26, 2011 at 1:43 am

    obsessive creepy love is the best kind. is he a pisces?
    mine is a pisces

  • Leave a Reply