Enter the Dragon

Bad Dragon is a company that designs and manufactures fantasy adult toys in the most literal sense imaginable: giant sea monster cocks, scaly dragon-vagina Fleshlights, and neon orca penises that ejaculate mock cum, to name a few. This might seem strange to some people, but many of us have dreamed of having sex with things that don’t exist in reality. Who hasn’t fantasized about giving head to Trent from Daria or jerked off to Jessica Rabbit? By comparison, simulated dragon sex isn’t such a huge leap.

A guy known as Varka founded Bad Dragon in 2007 when he began crafting dragon dildos in his college dorm room in Scotland. Today, the operation sells hundreds of toys a month to customers around the world, making it possible to ream and be reamed by dragons, aliens, horses, snakes, aquatic anthropomorphic creatures with tentacles, and so on. Each toy is displayed on Bad Dragon’s website (bad-dragon.com) next to an extremely detailed illustration of the creature it was modeled after and a lengthy description of the creature’s supposed qualities and interests. Some of my favorites include Razor the Doberman, a bisexual and bipedal dog who’s the captain of his school’s soccer and basketball teams and moonlights as a stripper, and David, a werewolf who wears a jean jacket.

All of Bad Dragon’s toys are cast by hand, which means clients can custom order them in almost any size, color, and firmness. The toys are quite pricy, ranging from $60 to over $200, but, according to the overwhelmingly positive feedback on the website’s forums, they’re well worth it.

The people who purchase these fantastic fucksticks are furries, gamers, toonophiliacs, and fantasy freaks. I spoke with Varka, who now serves as the company’s CEO, and two of Bad Dragon’s biggest fans to find out what makes mythical cock so hot.

Why dragon dildos?
Varka: When I was at university and I started looking at sex toys to see what was available, and realized was that there wasn’t any well made toys that catered to fantasy fetishes. Recently there’s been the Avatar fleshlight crossover thing and some other stuff like Twilight sex toys, but back when I started the business the options sucked.

Do you want to fuck dragons?
I have an interest in dragons and fantasy creatures, but I would redefine what I’m sexually interested in as ‘world building’. The main thing about role playing games—like Dungeons and Dragons and Mass Effect—is that you take on a persona of your own and live vicariously through that alter ego’s actions. You can create anything—a new world.

Who is your primary clientele? 

The biggest single identifiable group is the furry fandom, but there are a wide variety of people who take an interest in our stuff. You’d be surprised how many people find us through the darker side of World of Warcraft. But the common denominator between our buyers is that they find fantasy and non-human sex really hot.

When I first looked at the site, I was surprised that you mainly sell cock-shaped toys. Fantasy sex, to me, seems like something that mostly guys would be into.
The typical gender split we see in our orders is about 70% male and 30% female. We get a surprising amount of female customers coming out of the woodwork and getting really excited that they can get a miniature, hot pink seadragon cock. We’ve also had quite a few male customers say, “I’m straight but I like things in my butt.”

How do you decide what characters’ genitals you are going to produce, and how do you decide what the cock/vagina looks like?
Sometimes a movie or a game will come out with a character that makes us collectively say, “Oh god that’s hot, we really want that.” And we look for inspiration in pop culture to see what people are into. Like for example there are a couple characters in the Mass Effect games that people have gone absolutely crazy over; if you search ‘Rule 34’ of Mass Effect you’ll find plenty of porn. Of course you never get to see any of what these character’s cocks look like, so really we have this artistic license to create whatever we want. That’s what makes it so fun!

I noticed that fans also submit their schematics and prototypes on the forums.
Since the beginning we’ve encouraged people to come forward with their ideas and work on them together on our forums, and if we see there’s a lot of support for a specific idea then we’ll go and make it.

Can you tell me about the cum lube you make?
The lube is hilarious. If you look at the fan art of all these characters, it’s full of idealized fantasy sex with buckets of spunk everywhere, cocks as big as their thighs and everybody screaming. So I decided it would be fun to make the cum lube to heighten the fantasy. The stuff looks exactly like cum, and is super hot. Someone once sent us a photo of a cum arc shooting out of a toy that must have been 6 or 7ft high.Is it a surprise that your toys are such a huge success?
Not really. If you have something that’s hot but greatly outside of the normal constraints of physicality, then people are going to jump all over it. What makes these characters so appealing is that we know so much yet so little about them. If you look into sci-fi there are many cases where you have some pretty raunchy alien sex going on, and the main reason it’s so interesting is because it’s so different yet so similar.

 

Alexa, 19, Las Vegas, college student studying cartoon animation.

What is your favorite way to use your toys?
Alexa: Since I have 2 Dukes, I love to double penetrate myself, and I’ll keep going at it until I’m about to pass out from all the orgasms.

How does sex with bad dragon toys compare with sex with humans?
Despite how much of a kinky, fetish loving, porn watching lady that I am, I’m a happy virgin! And I plan on staying this way since I have no interest in people.

Do you consider yourself a furry?
No, but I consider myself a toonophiliac/fictosexual, so I find cartoon characters and fictional characters to be fine, sexy beasts. Non human creatures are just so beautifully exotic that I can’t help but be attracted.

What do you think about when you masturbate?
I’ve fantasized about Pyramid Head from Silent Hill, General Grievous from Star Wars, Bowser from the Mario Bros games, and the character I’d most love to have sex with is Perfect Cell from Dragonball Z. I regularly masturbate thinking about him panting and moaning above me as he fucks me mercilessly. Gah, it’s getting me hot just thinking about it.

What makes fictional characters better than people?
With characters you already know their personality and their quirks. With people, you don’t know what they hell they’ll do or say, but the fictional can be however nice or vicious you want them to be in your own mind. Another thing for me is size. Perfect Cell for instance is at least 7ft tall and he’s totally buff which I find extremely sexy. In real life a guy would have to be on fucked up steroids to be that big, and that’s just not hot. No one likes a pimply back or roid rage.

.

MasterHeretix, 33, Turkey, male


How many toys do you own and what are they?
MasterHeretix: I have 5 Bad Dragon toys: Chance the Stallion, Razor the Doberman, David the Werewolf, the Gryphon, and Mary the Mare, and I also have a canine dildo from another site.

Do you consider yourself a furry?
Yes, I like anthropomorphic (yiffy) art, the community, the acceptance, I love animals, and I enjoy that I can have another persona–someone who I can portray in artwork and see do all these crazy shenanigans.

Who is this persona?
My furry persona or “fursona” is an Australian Shepherd dog. He’s in anthro form, meaning he has more human details then a dog. He’s more or less like me, except more naive.

Would you say most of the people who use BD toys and frequent the BD forums mainly furries?
It’s totally a mix. I have a partner who is not a furry, but he fucks his ass with a gryphon’s [half lion half eagle] dick, but it’s just because he likes anal penetration, not because he wants to get fucked by a gryphon. He thinks gryphons are cool though, they’re his favorite creatures whenever we play Heroes of Might and Magic 3.

Is sleeping with a mythical creature fantasy of yours?
Totally! I mean, imagine it: you have a half human, half dog (or whatever tickles your fancy) with a nice, hard cock wanting to fuck you. It’s so dominant and feral and it follows its instincts. Raw, unbridled sex turns me on.

Have you had any bad experiences with bad dragon toys?
Back when I didn’t know about enemas and preparing, I had a shitty toy experience–no pun intended–and needed to stop and run to the shower. Other than that, no.

How does sex with Bad Dragon toys compare with sex with humans?
It’s just different. The toys have more texture, more feeling, and last as long as you need them to. My partner is 7’’, but what if I’m craving something that’s longer, and thicker? I have my Chance for that. What if I want to be “knotted”? [This term refers to the base of a dog’s penis, which is wider than the middle of the shaft and is sometimes called a “knot.”]

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5 Responses to Enter the Dragon

  1. jason says:

    I saw this in Vice. Great article!

  2. dude says:

    I would like to unread this.

  3. This chick says:

    Barf!!!

  4. Veronika says:

    this is the best blog in the history of the internet. A few probing questions:How do two people who like to be fucked with an eagle penis sex toy find each other? This seems like a miracle. and where the fuck does karley find these people willing to be interviewed about their outlandish fetishes? Do you have a sixth sense or perhaps a phone app that alerts you to their presence?

  5. hi says:

    There be this magical place called the interweb where freaks cum together, tis beautiful

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