Friends I’ll Never Meet: Fisty Nickle

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My newest internet friend, Fisty Nickle, is a prominent member of the Zombie Resistance Underground–an online group dedicated to teaching others how to survive during the imminent zombie apocalypse, or “z-day.” There’s also a sex element to the The Zombie Resistance Underground, as many of the men involved seem to possess female sex slaves who they frequently photograph naked holding giant guns and swords. In fact, Fisty has two sex slaves who he is currently training to be skilled zombie fighters like himself.

With All Saint’s Day upon us, I thought now was the perfect time to get Fisty to teach us how not to die during the inevitable zombie holocaust. You’re welcome!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Firstly, I have to ask. Where does the name Fisty Nickle come from?
Fisty Nickle was a player character I used in Dungeons and Dragons a long time ago, and then it became my call sign when I was doing OP-4 Training, which is training done with police and military units. If I can beat the police and the military, I can beat Zack.

Who’s Zack?
It’s a term we use for zombies. They can also be called Zeds, or sometimes just Z’s.

In the zombie apocalypse, what skills will be valuable for survival? Who will be at an advantage, and who will be the weakest link?
First off, the most valuable skill will be the ability to keep your head in a very bad situation. Also, being able to grow and find food, and access to clean water will be vital. Real men–men with army training and those who are self sufficient and can keep stuff working–will be able to survive in the world after there are no Walmarts. The people who will die first are the ones who want to be Rambos, who think they can hit it off on their own but actually can’t. Also the inter city groups will not last long, as once they run out of places to loot for food and water they will die off pretty fast.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Fisty’s slaves

What is your number 1 zombie survival tip?
Having the right weapons and lots of ammo. The Ruger 10/22 and the Ruger 10/22 Charger are two of the best guns to use in a Zombie uprising. Also take your pick from these new tools from Gerber: http://www.gerbergear.com/Apocalypse

What weapons do you have?
I’ve got 10 real swords (not wall hangers), 9 pistols, and other odd ball stuff that can be used as weapons. I’m a gun smith, so I can fix most guns, and I make belts and holsters. I’m also a leather smith and make my own sex toys, like floggers and whips and things like that.

Interesting. Is it possible to have sex with a zombie?
I sure hope not.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
Fisty receiving fellatio from one of his slaves

Is zombism sexually transmitted?
Well, since the Zombie virus is spread by fluid contact, yes, sex would be an easy way to spread it.

How do you kill a zombie?
You have know what type of Zed you are dealing with and his weaknesses. But the general rule is, shoot ‘em in the head, they stay dead.

How many different types of zombies are there?
There are many types; it depends on what strain of the zombie virus the person has been infected with. For example in the book World War Z By Max Brooks, the strain is called Solanum, which makes a dead and very slow zombie, but even though they are slow they are very deadly. In the Morningstar Saga By Z.A. Recht the virus makes a Rage Zombie, who is the most deadly because he can run. There are also radioactive zombies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You have two female slaves, right?
Yes, the first is Jade, who I have been married to for 15 years, and then Kat came to live with us 2 years ago. We all live and sleep together.

What roles will your slaves play in the zombie apocalypse?
They will fight too. We go to the gun range a couple times a month to work of shooting.  Now they are both damn good shots and can get head shots at 25 yards every time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So you all practice fighting zombies together?
Yes, we use mannequin heads–the kind used at beauty schools–for target practice. They are great to use because they are life size, and because only head shots kill zombies.

What other stuff do you guys do together?
We are big into the swinging lifestyle–I have been for over 15 years–and we have been in lots of orgies and a lot of gang bangs.

That sounds fun.
It is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As someone who cares a lot about fashion, what should I wear during the zombie apocalypse?
A flightsuit or an army combat uniform.

And lastly, when exactly will the zombie apocalypse occur?
My guess is 12-21-12. They say something’s gonna happen, and I say it’s gonna be the dead coming back to eat the living.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bye!

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17 Responses to Friends I’ll Never Meet: Fisty Nickle

  1. nope no thanks says:

    not feeling this.

  2. mikaela says:

    i have no words for how perfect this entry was i’m having a mind explosion

  3. lisa says:

    i love that you write about this

  4. :( says:

    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  5. KG says:

    the Zombie Resistance Underground will be the first dead during the zombie apocalypse, they are over planning on fault info.im just going to wing it and out last everyone.

  6. df says:

    just put a reminder on my phone for the date

  7. kate says:

    My aim in life is to become your bff

  8. cynthia says:

    haha, how hysterical! ugh I am like so down in my masturbatory dreams. But I feel that like he would snap one day, like fucking SNAP and rip off his slaves’ faces off. Like that guy on angel dust in Astoria( crazy story) You know something wretched. But hes such a cute bear!!

  9. seriously says:

    i think you should have had the interview with one of the slaves. i’m much more interested in their opinion on this.

  10. fd says:

    Karley I think you should have a post where like your readers can ask you like anything (about you of course) and then you post your answers on a post so like we can get to know you better etc.

  11. gunderscores says:

    Wow, those photos are just… something else. And I’m sorry, he did not properly address the fashion aspect of the Apocalypse. Clearly Dr. Martens, booty shorts and an undercut are the way to go. Think Tank Girl

  12. kelsi says:

    “The first is Jade, who I have been married to for 15 years, and then Kat came to live with us 2 years ago” Kat looks a loooot like a 15 year old Jade…

  13. lisabeth says:

    yeah this was cool but some more stuff about your really personal life would be way better… take the blog back to its original roots…

  14. disgusted says:

    jade looks fifteen? that’s sick. I like this blog post because of it’s satirical undertones. this guy’s fucked and karley you pinned it all down , thank you :)

  15. JayCee says:

    I have zombie dreams/ wistful fantasy, I’m sure in real terms zombies would be shut scary, I’ve made a plan if it does hit the fan!

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