Friends I’ll Never Meet: Luke

Obvs I have loads of internet friends as well as real life friends. (Shout out Theresa Pankhurst, Remi Morin (where’s my friendship bracelet you bitch?), Corinna Spencer and the Twitter massive.) Even though I’ll probably never meet most of these digital besties, we still love each other in an abstract, 2010 sort of way. Recently I made internet BFFs with Luke a 21 year old art student from Sydney after he sent me this message via Facebook which gave me an instant boner.

OMG. Luke is basically my dream man: hot, skinny, weird, a little bit messed up and ultimately unattainable. Below is an interview I did with him. Now you can become obsessed with him too.

 


Hey loser. Tell me about the accident and how it happened.

I was hanging out with some friends in a seedy park sculling goon sacks before going out one night. The park was right next to this upmarket looking construction site, and after a quick joint I followed my two friends inside and climbed up to the third level of the building. It was pitch black aside from the balcony, which was lit up by the moon. I started walking towards the light, and suddenly I was falling. I wasn’t completely aware of what was happening, it all happened so quickly. Next thing I knew I hit the concrete floor with a bang. It wasn’t until I heard my friends voices above me – who were on the second level – that I realised I had fallen three levels onto the ground floor.

How bad were you hurt?
I fractured my foot and spine, and shattering my heel bone into more than 27 pieces (the doctors stopped counting when they reached 27). I now walk with a limp and I’ll never be able to run again. Although apparently it was good that I was blazed and boozed when it happened, because if I had have been more aware and stiffened by body, the effect would have been more detrimental. Moral of the story – drugz are good.

That sucks! Is sex different now?
Not really. I guess it means that I’ll never be able to experiment with running sex or trampoline sex. Not quite sure what they involve, but I would have been keen to try them anywayz.

I’ve heard that gay people can’t catch balls. Does this have anything to do with you falling off the roof?
Hahhaha. What!? Karley, are you high right now?

Hmm… kind of. So, do you ever kiss girls?
I haven’t since some slut party I went to when I was 12. We had just discovered making out, and we played ‘competitions’ including longest kiss and most inventive kiss. It was pretty seedy now that I think about it.

Hot. So do you want to make-out sometime?
Hellz yeah!

Ok cool, I’ll think about it. What’s your default thing to jerk-off to? Mine’s Jamie Bell in a dress.
Closeted gay boys who act straight. That and Gaspard Ulliel.

Oh my god, I just Googled him. He’s so hot!
I know!

Who’s hotter, Taylor Hanson circa Middle of Nowhere or Leonardo DiCaprio circa What’s Eating Gilbert Grape?
Is this a joke question? Who could ever top Leo? Besides, I loved Zac not Taylor.

Eww Zack is fugs, Taylor is the most beautiful creature on the planet.
Whatevs.

Who is your favorite ever America’s Next Top Model contestant? Mine is Shandi (season 2) because she was super hot but also edgy. (She has a neck tattoo now by the way—I saw her walking down the street in NYC once. Lolz).
Definitely Amber – more entertaining than Tyra herself. You haven’t lived untill you’ve seen this Youtube video:

OMG she’s so Marlon Rando, I remember her. Lastly, do you like Justin Bieber?
Bail. In ten years he’s going to be some drug riddled coke head, and not in a good way. Actually, he probably already is. No wait, I changed my mind – that’s hot.

So hot!

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Friends I’ll Never Meet: Luke

  1. brodie says:

    that amber video made my life. tell your friend to come to melbourne.

  2. dominicjones says:

    wait, karley can i have this one?

  3. Mtti says:

    the brightest ones are the first to burn out.

  4. Changeling says:

    can you pass on to yr friend that running sex sucks please?

  5. julia says:

    yo!write about lettuce!

  6. not a twink, hes clearly in love with you.

  7. "ASHCROFT! ASHCROFT! ASHCROFT!"

  8. I think i love him too. That wavy, mousey brown hair, the cowboy hat, his all american manface, and a limp to top it off. can i have pls?

  9. Matt says:

    omg god i would love to beat that amber with one of her own died again stools…..

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>