#girltalk

So the trailer for the new Wes Anderson movie, Moonrise Kingdom, came out last week. Jeez Louise, I’m so obsessed with the girl! She’s only 12 but she is new new style icon. Look at her! She’s unreal.

At the risk of sounding like a cliche, when I was a teenager I dressed up like Margot Tenenbaum for three Halloweens in a row. I feel the beginnings of that level of obsession stirring inside me again. Yesterday I went out and bought some barrettes, black eyeliner, and robins egg blue eyeshadow to in an effort to achieve her look.

Here’s me trying to look like Suzy (that’s her name). I’m not all the way there, obviously. I still need to go vintage shopping for some colorful 60s mini-dresses with big collars and a selection of white knee socks. The only thing is that Suzy doesn’t have bangs. Oh god, should I grow out my bangs?! Life is so hard.

On a different, potentially less embarrassing note, I want to follow up onsomething I wrote in my last installment of Ask Slutever. A couple weeks ago, in response to a teenage girl’s question about how to deal with unwanted attention from lecherous older men, I gave a somewhat flippant response about how older guys are better in bed, and that she should realize her beauty and sexual prowess as a form of power. Well, that spawned a lot of hate comments and angry emails from you guys, saying things like this:

“Whaaaat? Your response was totally off the mark – homegirl was asking a simple question of how to deal with unwanted attention from losers she doesn’t like (no matter their age or her preferences). I’m not even talking about your answer being antifeminist or whatever, it just missed the point.”

“Graciously deflecting unwanted male attention is a really important skill to develop if you want your sexual exploits to be consensual and empowering. Give the poor girl some tips for the love of god :(.”

“I normally love your blog but your first response didn’t really answer her question and was actually kinda offensive! Nobody should have to be grateful for unwanted attention from creepy guys, regardless of how hot they choose to make themselves look”

Well, I just wanted to say that OK, I HEAR YOU! I really do appreciate your comments and feedback, which is why I felt it was important to follow up. I posted this response last week in the comment section of the post, but now I’m posting it here too, just in case anyone missed it:

On second read, I do think my response to Anastasia was slightly irresponsible and made light of an issue that I understand is serious. Unwanted attention from gross old creeps can be more than just annoying–it can be horrible and violating, and yes, sometimes being perved on is not complimentary and just sucks. However, the point I tried (unsuccessfully) to make was that creepy old guys will always be there, we can’t change that. And we shouldn’t have to walk around in burqas or snow suits to deflect unwanted male attention. (We learned that from the Slutwalk, thanks.) So, what do we do?

Well, in my opinion our best option is to try and find a positive in this bad situation. Sometimes when you’re young and you’ve just grown hips and boobs and are still working out what being sexy is and how to do it, you feel uncomfortable with your newly developed hotness and don’t know how to harness it. But eventually you grow up, and (hopefully) gain confidence and learn to love your new body. Well, beauty is power and confidence is power, we all know that. And the more confident you are, the easier it is to ignore creepy cat calls from guys. You learn to ignore them as much as possible (which is all you can do, really), and to tune out their inappropriate an unwelcome comments, because they are desperate scum and don’t matter. So I guess in a roundabout way I was trying to tell Anastasia to love that she’s an exotic babe, which will in turn help her gain confidence, which will make ignoring the creeps a whole lot easier. Does that make sense? Am I totally off the mark??

BUT THEN…

Last night I was reading through old entries of Rookie, Tavi’s new(ish) online magazine for teenage girls, and I stumbled across an article she wrote called First Encounters With the Male Gaze, where she discusses this very same issue. And of course, Tavi said it way better than I ever could. Check it out!

Comments

comments

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17 Responses to #girltalk

  1. M. says:

    Finally something uplifting! Male creepers are the most terryfing thing for me, I always imagine the worst scenario: they will follow me and rape me to death.

    • lord says:

      waaah look at me im so hot men wanna rape me.

      youre not as hot as you think lady

      • Andrew says:

        Why so stupid dude?

        • karleyslutever says:

          Seriously Lord, who are you even talking to? Anastasia? The commenter above you? There isn’t a photo of either of them on here, so it’s weird that you’ve seemingly attempted to criticize the way that one of them look. Nice try though.

      • .. says:

        rape in most cases has nothing to do with attraction, it’s about fucked up men needing to feel powerful.
        “lord” grow up.

      • Lucy Jane says:

        Your comment implies that rape has something to do with the victim, like it could be their fault. “Her skirt was short she was asking for it…” etc, etc. No one is ever asking for it or else it wouldnt be rape. It would be consensual sex dumbfuck.

  2. anonymous says:

    When I was young there was a crazy lunch lady at my school who wore bright blue eyeshadow every day and we would all make fun of her for it. I regret it now.

  3. lauren says:

    i wish i’d been an iota as Switched On as tavi is at her age. insane.

  4. dirty says:

    i remedy all of this by wearing amish style clothing — i don’t give them anything to look at unless they deserve it

  5. Jane says:

    I considered having a nose job until I virtually met you <3

  6. Hiba says:

    The ‘Francoise Hardy’ song in the trailer is so perfect!
    I think she’s the teen equivalent of Rosemary in Rosemary’s Baby (fashion wise).
    <3

  7. Mc Lovin says:

    Great job, Blondes with blue shades rock! You’re so pretty!

  8. Sarah says:

    Awwww good job, so glad you’ve replied to this. Was getting worried you were just blanking it in favour of Blood Orange docus forever (which we love, its important to have realtalk too). Nice one Karley, good answer! You got it.

  9. JayCee says:

    Can I just say I’m not normally a blogger, and found this site through the urban dictionary believe it or not, and really glad I did, I’m still reading a lot of your site. I just wanted to say that some really good points have been raised but just wanted to add my bit. Girls it’s sound advice and always be careful, and not defending the undoubtedly ever present threat of leering twisted men, but sometimes guys can get it wrong, either acting strange intimidated by your beauty, or genuinely thinking that you like them because in being nice or even polite they can take it the total wrong way. It can get extreme and guys can get creepy. Guess what I’m getting at is that although there are some right nutters out there and you sound watch out not to go labelIng someone as a creep straight away.. Not that you nessisarily are . There’s a syndrome called Declarembou I think, it’s all about people who think someone loves them from the smallest thing the other person says or does, and even rejection can be seen as a display of love .. Really interesting

  10. SeriousK says:

    Who isn’t obsessed with Margot Tenenbaum’s style? I’d do very naughty things to Wes Anderson.

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