Yesterday was a great day. Let me give you a little run down of what went on.
Woke up feeling nauseous. Ran to the bathroom where I puked red wine barf all over the tiled floor. Crawled back to my bedroom in pain.
Woke up suddenly again, this time after having a nightmare about primordial dwarves who turned out to be shrunken models.
Woke up a third time and realized I was late for work.
Arrived late to work. Yelled at by my boss.
Received a text message from my ex-boyfriend informing me that he’d thrown the remainder of my stuff from his apartment into the trash outside his house.
Sent my ex a long email in reconciliation. The thing is, I still love him. The sad part is he doesn’t feel the same about me.
Accidentally sent a text message to my boss that said I WANT TO FUCK. The message was meant for someone else. My boss was sitting right next to me.
Picked up my remaining things from beside the trash at my ex-boyfriend’s apartment building. Called his phone repeatedly outside his flat but he kept hanging up on me.
On the ride bus home. After a few stops an old lady walked on, who tripped and fell over my giant bag of stuff, landing face first on the bus floor. She then rolled around in agony screaming, “Oh no! Oh my God! My arthritis! Oh God please help me!” as the remaining passengers stared at me with disgust.
Arrived home to the news that my nine squatmates and I are being evicted from our new squat in which we have lived for only seven weeks. The eviction date is August 27th.
Watched an episode of Friends. Was shit.
Went to Morrison’s. Stole some chicken soup.
Came home. Ate soup in my room which smells like cat piss. Cried a little.
Checked my Facebook. No friend requests. Although I did receive a wall comment from my friend Ashton in New York which read, ‘Coming down off ecstasy at a church event with my parents. I want to kill myself.’ That made me smile for at least thirty seconds.
Put out an add on the website Gumtree that said:
Sexy, twenty-three year old curvy girl seeks hot weird looking guys / general freaks. Into tall and very thin. Preferably deaf.
Simon cleans the bathtub