My search for an intern is finally complete. I ended up not choosing any of the losers that actually applied for the job because they were all way lame. Instead I went with Stan—a random kid I found in the grocery store and thought was hot. Stan is nineteen and from south London. He’s been my slave for four whole days now and he’s super great. I love having him around so much that I’ve actually asked him to move in with us into our new squat. I’ve been introducing him to people as my boyfriend, which I think makes him feel slightly uncomfortable, but whatever, I make the rules bitch.
I was too lazy to write a blog post today so I got Stan to do it for me. This is what Stan has to say:
Hiya, Stan here. Being Carlie’s intern is dope. It was either this or an editorial internship at the Observer which would have probs been cool but way less sexy and I wouldn’t get to watch Hollyoaks as much. I do all kinds of crap here and I’m learning a lot. For example, yesterday I learned how to dye hair roots. I also learned all the words to “Since U Been Gone” by fat American reality TV pop star Kelly Clarkson. But mostly I spend my days watching Hollyoaks while Karlie is sleeping or puking because of her alcoholism and active nightlife. When she’s awake and not barfing she sometimes makes me feel her boobs which is weird. Sometimes she hits me. Sometimes she’s a mega bitch and yells at me for things like shoplifting the wrong size tampons or messing up the giant pile of trash in the living room which is apparently some kind of art installation.
Today is a busy day. Carlie is passed out but I’m helping her cast a soft-core gay porn which she’s filming in the basement. I’m also filming the gay porn during the times when she can’t hold the camera properly because she’s too wasted. I’m not gay I think but Carlie makes me test out all the guys auditioning, which includes kissing and sometimes hand jobs. I have to go now, the prostitute that lives in the kitchen needs to check her Facebook on my computer.