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Intern Part 4

September 10, 2009

Applications to be my slave– oops! I meant intern – have been flooding in lately! And since Stan has become more just something I stare at and occasionally get to change my underwear, I figured, why not get another?! However, reading through people’s CVs got way boring, so I decided to ask the applicants for some more pressing information about themselves. You know, stuff I care about, like what they look like and which celebrities they want to fuck. Here is a selection of my most recent entrants. And please, let me know what you think. I trust your judgment implicitly – as long as I agree with it.

erin

Erin (aka Rainbow Starcloud Flowerchild), 19, York

Describe yourself in seven words.
Attracted to both boys and family pets.

What’s the best thing about you?
That would be my face. I did drama at GCSE level and it really pays off in day to day life. I can pull any expression you throw at me. Sad, happy, excited… you name it, pal, I can do it. People are normally very impressed with this and I always receive praise. Both that and my singing.

Why do you think you are right for the internship? What are your skills?
I am right for the internship as I am very easily manipulated and accommodating so I would cater to ALL your needs. Yum yum. I also have some cool rollerskates, which I have learnt some rad tricks on, my dog pulls me along on them too.

Name three people you’d like have sex with and why.
1. Des O’Connor: Now, not when he was younger – and preferably in the shower.

2. Mark Renton: Vulnerable and hot, especially in the hallucinating baby on ceiling scene.

3. Enrique Iglesias: Self explanatory? I like his mole.

Daniel Devine, 20, London

Describe yourself in seven words.
Daniel. Devine. Is. Bad. At. Describing. Himself.

What’s the best thing about you?
My record collection.

Why do you think you are right for the internship? What are your skills?
Because I have no other interesting jobs at the moment.

Name three people you’d like have sex with and why.
Keira Knightley: Do I need to elaborate?

Pocahontas: I’m feeling native.

Anyone who will let me.

dan-brighton-30

Dan, 30, Brighton

Describe yourself in seven words.
Clean, fast, cheap, sarcastic, meretricious, dedicated, articulate.

What’s the best thing about you?
I’m a great person to have around – entertaining, fun, good conversation, and I’m a funky dancer.

Why do you think you are right for the internship? What are your skills?
I’m a great writer, both analytical and imaginative. I’m dedicated to writing. Also I make a great cup of tea and I’m tall enough to reach things on even the highest shelves. Oh and I have an English degree.

Name three people you’d lo like have sex with and why.
Sarah Silverman: She looks so good but she talks so bad!

Shakira: If you watch her new video on mute with the radio on it’s actually quite good.

Anyone who gives me a job – and that’s a promise you can cut your hair with!

leanne

Leanne, 19, London

Describe yourself in seven words.
Concealed, sporadic, phat, sarcastic, diligent, imaginative, waster.

What’s the best thing about you?
My life is a shambles – a useless, confused existence where love and money are a rare occurrence. Yet somehow things aren’t all bad.

Why do you think you are right for the internship? What are your skills?
I’m right for the internship as I really feel my life is wasting away. I have the drive to do something I’m interested in and wanting to learn about. I’m not going back to uni because it’s not hands-on enough. For the moment, my drive is getting this internship and seeing where it can lead to. I am not focused on a set area or just have a dead mindset to only learn that one square of skill. I’d be there for the whole. I’m also a photographer.

Name three people you’d lo like have sex with and why.
Yannis Philippakis: If he fucks like he makes music, he’ll be like a god or something.

Peter Serafinowicz: He was in Black Books and Spaced, and a lot of other shows. He was the first guy I had a remotely sexual dream about, and his voice does to me what it does to Fran in Black Books.

Florence Welch: I don’t think I’m gay but I would be
for her.

bruno

Bruno, 24, Dublin (via Argentina)

Describe yourself in seven words.
Charming Argentinian following his heart and your blog.

What’s the best thing about you?
I’m helpful and open-minded.

Why do you think you are right for the internship? What are your skills?
Me and you would get on really well. I make music and write all the time. Seeking new lands, music, art forms, and seeing people pass in the streets is something I love, then I write about, at least I try.

Name three people you’d lo like have sex with and why.
The girl off the internship article photo, because that’s why I am applying.

Liv Tyler, so I can hear her elfin orgasm, and maybe get near Aerosmith and tell them how I don’t like them.

Finally I think I would have anal sex with the Argentinian president because she has maybe never had it, so she can feel what she does all the time with us.

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14 Comments

  • Reply Sarcastic Bastard September 10, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    I'd go with Erin for the cool rollerskates.

  • Reply Fucking Freak September 10, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    Leanne or ErinLeanne would go gay for a girl, 'nuff said.And you could so totally get Erin to put you on a skateboard and have her dog drag you around on it.

  • Reply sandraaa_xo September 10, 2009 at 5:36 pm

    i loved Daniel. the most entertaining one to me anyway. and i like his picture.

  • Reply Dizzietron (AKA Hadiza) September 10, 2009 at 8:21 pm

    This is a joke right no self respecting person could consider having one of the others over Bruno. Imagine having that peice of hotness as your personal slave.

  • Reply rrrich September 10, 2009 at 9:47 pm

    Bruno, because he wants to fuck arse. The others are dull as fuck.

  • Reply hopeful_romantic September 11, 2009 at 12:36 pm

    Leanne because I'm worried she'll kill herself if you don't give it to her.

  • Reply Iara. September 11, 2009 at 7:20 pm

    I like bruno 'cause I'm from argentina too and i'm also a big fan of your blog like he is.AGUANTE BRUNO!

  • Reply rachie September 11, 2009 at 9:35 pm

    Bruno is the best!

  • Reply rachie September 11, 2009 at 9:36 pm

    even though his 7 word description is 8 words.

  • Reply alicelander September 12, 2009 at 12:37 pm

    don't hire Erin. she is 19 and still talking about her GCSE's. her life must be really boring.

  • Reply Anita September 12, 2009 at 6:14 pm

    Erin is soooo hot. And so is Daniel.xxxxooooooooo

  • Reply Nastasia September 12, 2009 at 8:55 pm

    Leanne is nice. And if she's not the best , she's Photographer so at least you will have some crazy and beautiful (if she's good) picture of all your adventure. So , Leanne. Obvs.

  • Reply julia September 22, 2009 at 9:14 pm

    hahah i think i know bruno

  • Reply finder77 February 22, 2010 at 4:23 pm

    I like Dan, Leanne, and Erin. Yessss. How did you get SO MANY applicants?

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