London Fashion Week Is Susan Sorandom
For the past five days I’ve been covering London Fashion Week for Vice. When I first moved to London, fashion week (or as I like to call it, Free Drinks Week) was really exciting. All the shows and parties seemed so elicit and cool, and everywhere you turned there was free champagne, fancy canapés and hot male models. Now, post global economic breakdown, free drinks are few and far between, and the goody bags at shows have things like key chains and pens in them, rather than the lipstick and jewelry of the past. Lame. Plus, no one cool even shows in London anyway. Like, Vivienne Westwood Red Label? Seriously, no one cares. Anyway, here’s some of the stuff I got up to this past week.
As expected, all the freaks slithered out of their fashion hovels for the commencement of LFW AW10 last Thursday. By 9AM the main tent at Summerset House was already crawling with fashion week FAILS. Here’s a few of my faves–number one being this fat guy with a vagina on his head.
As a general rule, people in London dress retarded. Sometimes it works, which is why so many people in this city look so interesting and unique. However, some people just take it way too far, AKA these dudes. Too much guys, too much.
From far away I thought this was The Ting Tings, but when I got closer I realized they were just normal people dressed like futuristic, nu rave sex robots.
In the press tent there were giving out free boxes of ham. Glamorous!
This is me eating a piece of ham really hard. Being super fabulous all day really works up an appetite.
On Saturday night I went to the Dazed and Confused and JW Anderson party. Randomly that kid with too many teeth who won X Factor was there. Why is his face so big?
Flipping through fashion magazines lately, you’d think fashion was more about being naked than it was about wearing clothes. I mean, the latest issue of Love was basically just a pamphlet of supermodel vaj. In light of this, a couple of my friends and I went to the Christopher Kane party at Shoreditch House on Monday night, and brought some fashionable nudity to the crowd.
At fashion week everyone is so avant garde and over-it that you can literally stand outside an elite party with your shirt over your head and the words “LFW” and “LOLZ” written across your tits, and still no one will notice you.
DJ Anarchic Female was there, looking fierce in Christopher Kane from ages ago. I can’t work out if he’s a tranny or not.
Designer Dr. Noki was in town too, looking insane as per usual.
This person said they were a fashion editor – probably why her and her friend were wearing all black. Very phashion.
Scottish fashion designer Louise Gray going through her blue period.
Me looking try hard by the pool.
At around midnight they stopped serving free pizza, at which point we made a quick escape, but not before snapping photographer Peter Alexander looking OK.
All in all it was a pretty uneventful phasion week. Still, it was better than last season, when I basically just got mega wasted and embarrassed myself in front of fashionistas for a week straight.
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