Self portrait by Darren Cullen
As I’ve previously mentioned, irrationally hating things is one of my greatest pleasures in life. It just makes me feel good about myself. I can’t explain it. However, I do like some stuff on occasion. Here’s a list of a few things I hate, and I few things I don’t.
HATE: People Who Say Fierce (And Mean It)
i.e. stupid fashion kids and presenters on low rate “style” television shows aimed at frumpy suburban mothers. These people make me feel physically ill. The only person who can get away with saying ‘fierce’ and mean it is Tyra Banks, and that’s only because she’s a drag queen, whom normal people rules don’t apply to.
LOVE: Deaf Guys
So hot right now. The chicest accessory for fall. The only problem is I don’t know where to find them. Sleeping with a deaf guy has been on my To Do List for some time now. How can we make this happen people?! I didn’t learn the British sign language alphabet for nothing.
HATE: My Flatmate Hannah
Ugh she’s so annoying. Her stupid cats constantly piss all over my clothes and eat all of my food. This is because she’s never home to properly look after them. She’s always too busy off raving-out in random fields with her random raverdog friends who all have hair made of neon plastic and reflective cargo pants that make them look like eco-warriors from the future. Eww. I have no tolerance for people who are different from me.
Simply could not live my life without it.
HATE: Flaccid Cock
A.K.A. the only variety of cock I don’t like. Thankfully I’m hot enough that I’ve never actually had to encounter one of these first hand, but I still hate the idea of them. The worst is when they have that weird excess foreskin hanging off the end like the limp head of a dead anteater.
LOVE: Gareth from The Office (UK)
I’m in love with him and his bowl cut makes me crazy and I want to put his skinny legs around my face and his emaciated chicken arms in my mouth. I even like the way he has those huge, dark bags under his eyes, that, paired with his ashen complexion, make him look like a skeleton dipped in wax.
Seriously hate them. Although I do have to admit their style was fierce.