My Boyfriend is Gay


I knew it was too good to be true. Now, don’t get me wrong. My boyfriend has always been a sensitive guy. I like that about him. I don’t mind the fact that he constantly wears pastels and occasionally enjoys wearing my nighties when we have sex. But there’s being sensitive and then there’s just being a massive gay, and he’s treading dangerously close to the line.

I had an idea that something was up about a month ago when I noticed my boyfriend emerging from the shower with what looked like the remnants of mascara dripping from his eyes. I didn’t think much of it at the time. I mean, plenty of boys wear makeup, right? That’s not weird. It’s just rock and roll. No big deal. My boyfriend isn’t a raging homosexual. He’s just avant guarde. This is what I told myself anyway.

My gay-dar came into affect again a couple weeks later when the two of us went on a date to see Sex and the City, and, to my despair, my boyfriend cried throughout the entire thing. And I’m not talking just teary-eyed either. I’m talking full on, nose sniffling, giant gasps of breath sobbing to the point where the old couple next to us asked him if he was ok. When asked him what the fuck was so sad that provoked such a drastic reaction, he replied merely, “I just feel so bad for Carrie. I mean, men can be so horrible sometimes.” Whatever. Sex and the City is a comedy you freak. Pull your homosexual self together.

Still, within a week I managed to put the waterworks out of my mind, and was back to living happily inside my own little bubble of denial. That was, however, until I opened this month’s issue of i-D Magazine to find a picture of my boyfriend in full-on beauty mode, smiling seductively under a headline that read Pretty Boys: Men Who Love Makeup! And it wasn’t just that. What made it worse was that he was pulling what was possible the gayest face I’ve ever seen a human being make. It was a face that said, “Hello gay men everywhere—look how sexy I am. I’m gay too. Let’s get together and do gay things—things that don’t involve vaginas whatsoever, because I find those super gross.” Ugh. I’m freaking out.

So what am I supposed to do? Ignore it? Pretend it never happened? Should I buy a strap-on and offer to wear a fake beard when we fuck? I’m seriously confused. Is it me? Am I so repulsive that I’ve turned him off women forever? I mean, it wouldn’t be the first time. My high school boyfriend of two years is currently in the Broadway version of Hairspray. Literally. Oh why God? WHY?



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7 Responses to My Boyfriend is Gay

  1. okay, it’s probably time to count your underwear incase they start going missing and beware if he wants to dress up as a girl for a party.

  2. “Dog Egg”I thought I was the most surrealistic ever but this is cream.

  3. bp says:

    You could ignore it, but he’s going to have to end up telling you someday.

  4. bp says:

    You could ignore it, but he’s going to have to end up telling you someday.

  5. Robbie Marx says:

    not you he’s just gay probably born that way your understanding and kind to offer the strap on and mustache lol there are no vaginas on the mind of gay men

  6. Catherine says:

    I am in the same situation. I have been with my bf for seven years and never even suspected he was gay until i found several adds he was running on gay dating sites and found msgs other guys had sent him that had obviously had a sexual encounter with him. He STILL will not admit it even though I am completely open minded and assured him that I don't mind. Now I just sit back and wish I could go back and tell last years me that it was not my appearance that stopped him having sex with me :-(

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