Intro: Secret Diary of a Sugar Baby

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Hi! I’m, well… I’ll call myself Vivienne. I grew up in LA, but I currently live in New York, where I work in a gallery. I’m 26, and have been a sugar baby for three years now. I suppose my years as a sugar baby have resulted in some pretty interesting experiences–everything from the regular mundane, upscale dinners where I pretend to care about the stock market for the sake of my date, to ridiculous penthouse orgies, to awkwardly hot Swedish maid role-plays. I’m used to it now, so it all seems pretty standard to me. However, Karley recently interviewed me, and seemed to think my stories were interesting enough to support an ongoing diary-style column, so, here we go!

This isn’t technically my first column; I just wanted to introduce myself. In an attempt to make a good impression, I want to share some screengrabs I took recently, while watching this beautiful vintage porno. It’s a French porn from the 70s starring Brigitte Lahaie. I found it accidentally the other night, and now am obsessed. If you want to watch the whole film you can find it HERE

Nice to meet you. You can expect my first official “diary entry” soon!

xo Vivienne

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Slutever’s 5 Recommendations for Life

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It’s the weekend–yay! But that’s not an excuse to turn off your brain. Sorry :(

I love getting recommendations about things to watch, read, listen to and look at from my friends and the people I respect. There’s just so much content in the world (aka on the internet) these days, that a little guidance is helpful. Below are five things that I’ve seen/listened to/read in the past week that either made me smile, made me smarter, or blew mind :)

1. Richardson Magazine’s kinky clothing

Screen Shot 2015-02-28 at 6.40.26 PMPeople who read my blog are likely familiar with Richardson–the, shall I say, academic sex magazine. (One of my favorite interviews I’ve ever done was with porn star Tori Black for Richardson’s cover.) Well, Richardson makes clothing and accessories alongside their ever-progressive magazine–stuff like kinky T-shirts, bomber jackets, impossibly sexy swimsuits, and–a personal favorite of mine–the Richardson keychain, which dons the sex/life motto “play hard, play nice, communicate.” You can shop on their website, or at their store at 325 Broome St, New York, NY 10002.

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2. To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This

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More than 20 years ago, the psychologist Arthur Aron succeeded in making two strangers fall in love in his laboratory. Last month, the New York Times published an article by a woman who put that technique to the test. The results are indeed surprising. Read the article HERE :)

 

3. Adam Carpenter’s daily-dance Instagram

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Few things make me as un-depressed as Adam Carpenter’s Instagram. He posts a new 15-second dance every day, and has become known in some enlightened circles as “Instagram’s dance king.”  You should follow him right now because you will be a happier person for it. Oh, and as you may remember, Adam acted with me on the lolz new-age web series, Be Here Nowish. (P.S. A second season of Be Here Nowish is coming out this Spring, yay!)

 

#DressForLess @jeffconrad music made me #crump for deals

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getting hyped for our skype conference call. #BusinessTops A video posted by Daily Dance (@adamscarpenters) on

#SelflessSaturdays I am the modern male Mary Poppins

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Soothe The Beast. #SaxOnSunday

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4. Esther Perel’s Ted talk, “The Secret to Desire in a Long-Term Relationship”

It’s no secret: in a long term relationship, even if we still love our partner, we often stop feeling really excited about fucking them. So, how do we change this? In her witty and insightful Ted talk, Esther Perel talks about erotic intelligence and how to sustain desire. She argues that good, committed sex draws on two conflicting needs: our need for security and our need for surprise.

 

5. The Andy Warhol documentary, by Ric Burns

Somehow I’d never seen the famous, 2006 documentary about Warhol by Ric Burns until recently. It’s the quintessential film about the artist, and although it’s super long (4 hours in 2 parts), it’s worth watching, even if you just watch a part of it. Sure, we all know a lot about Warhol, but it’s still amazing to see all the old footage of New York in the 60s, 70s and 80s, The Factory, The Velvet Underground, etc.

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13 Of The Funniest Things Ever Said About Self-Love

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Historically, masturbation has gotten a pretty bad rap. It’s been said that jerking-off can cause blindness, will make you impotent or infertile, can lead to mental illness, or, arguably the worst of them all, will result in you burning in eternal hellfire. However, that hasn’t seemed to deter most of you. I personally have never touched myself, so I’m off the hook no matter what happens, unlike you perverts. Below are 13 of the best things ever said about masturbation.

1. “The good thing about masturbation is that you don’t have to get dressed up for it.” — Truman Capote

2. “You cannot blame porn. When I was young, I used to masturbate to Gilligan’s Island.” — Ron Jeremy, Twitter

3. “Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.” — Woody Allen, Annie Hall

4. “Even if times are tough and you’re enduring a terrible heartache, it’s important to focus your anger on a vibrator, not another person.” ― Chelsea Handler, My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands

5. “I have masturbated myself out of serious problems in my life. The phone doesn’t pick up because I’m masturbating. And I have excused myself at the oddest times so as to not make mistakes. If Tiger Woods only knew when to jerk off. It has a true market value, like gold bullion. First of all, I don’t jerk off because I’m horny. I’m sort of half-chick. It’s like District 9. I can fire alien weapons. I can insert a tampon. No, I do it because I want to take a brain bath. It’s like a hot whirlpool for my brain, in a brain space that is 100 percent agreeable with itself.” — John Mayer, interviewed in Rolling Stone

6. “My first time I jacked off, I thought I’d invented it. I looked down at my sloppy handful of junk and thought, This is going to make me rich.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

7. “Among all types of sexual activity, masturbation is, however, the one in which the female most frequently reaches orgasm.” — Alfred Charles Kinsey, Sexual Behavior in the Human Female

8. “We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation.” — Lily Tomlin

9. “It’s easy, fun, and no one gets hurt.” – Louis C.K.

10. “Masturbation: the primary sexual activity of mankind. In the nineteenth century it was a disease; in the twentieth, it’s a cure.” — Thomas Szasz (fellow of the American Psychiatric Association)

11. “I jerk off inside books and give life to words, leaving concepts stuck together you probably never heard.” — Immortal Technique, rapper

12. “If masturbation’s a crime, I’d be on death row.” — Gilbert Gottfried

13. Jackie Treehorn: “Interactive erotic software. The wave of the future, Dude. One hundred percent electronic!”

The Dude: “Yeah, well, I still jerk off manually.”
The Big Lebowski

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The Cutest, Weirdest and Most Tragic V-Days Ever

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And…. the winners of the Vagina Valentine’s Day Contest are….?!!?

Last week, I asked people to send me their stories about the best, weirdest, most romantic, grossest or tragic thing that ever happened to them on Valentine’s Day, in exchange for one of my Slutever Vaj Tees. I finally picked the winners!  Also, I hope you’re having a good V-Day. Mine so far has been awful, actually, but I hope seeing Fifty Shades this afternoon will make it better (I pre-bought tickets obvi).

  1. The strangest:

Valentine’s 2014 was my best. My wife and I are in an open marriage. My wife was 1,000 miles away in Colorado with her ex. I was back home in Seattle. She skied all day followed by epic sex against a wall, and peppering me all day with loving texts of gratitude for a marriage with the space and trust for a magical mingling of her past and present.  -Cameron Leeds

  1. The cutest

Never one for grand, expensive gestures, the most romantic gift I’ve ever given was one of my dresser drawers. I put it in wrapping paper and gave it to my girlfriend for Valentine’s. Nothing says romance like “Here’s a place for you to put your shit when you’re sleeping over.” –“Win, Lose, or Drawer”?

  1. The funniest

My girlfriend and I celebrated by buying Our First Strap On (neither of us have ever fucked a guy). Lights down low, sexy playlist, etc. Then we put the lights back on full. Then we opened our laptops. The night ended with the two of us googling “how do straight people have sex” and confusedly watching heterosexual porn. Turns out dudes have a lower centre of gravity than women, which enables them to thrust easier, but seriously, I can’t make it work unless the person getting fucked is on top. –by, Wonj

  1. The most extreme:

Small cities are notorious groanzones for gays. Valentines 2014 found me tied to the bed of a group-sex-obsessed friends-with benefits. When my hot (previously assumed straight) cousin walked in, my obvious reaction was to calmly explain, in a room of erect strangers, that his uncle isn’t actually my biological dad. #BestVDayYet

  1. The most tragic

​We had arranged to come to my house to eat shrooms together. I had picked them in advance but the psilocybin through my skin made me prematurely trip. When he rang I thought I was an alien. I didn’t feel ready to abduct him. ​The V-day was a disaster, given that we were on different planets. — Dinosaur Godfrey

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