How This London PhD Student Became a High Class Escort… by Accident

anitsOne minute Lula was having an innocent conversation with a stranger at an art gallery, and the next a circle of European businessmen was sending her designer dresses, paying her to party, and feeding her glamorous junk food.

It’s like a modern-day Cinderella story—minus the part about being a servant. Read my latest Sugar Babies column for Vice HERE :)

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Slutever’s 5 Recommendations for Life

tumblr_l44lvs6LfD1qzzxybo1_1280A few weeks ago I wrote a post where I recommended 5 wonderful pieces of internet that I felt had made me a smarter and/or happier person, or at least someone who’d be more interesting to talk to at a dinner party. You guys seemed to like it, so I’m doing it again. So, if you’re looking for a way to spend the precious final hours of this winter holiday, I suggest you watch, read and/or listen to the below:

1. Nick Broomfield’s Fetishes

Fetishes is a film made by the famous British documentarian, Nick Broomfield, in 1996. Personally, it was one of my first extensive introductions to BDSM. It was filmed at Pandora’s Box, the most elegant and infamous S&M parlor in New York, and it’s extremely informative–you will learn about everything from Domme/slave relationships, to rubber, to infantilism, to asphyxiation, to mummification–and it’s also beautifully shot, and incredibly funny. And it’s important to be informed about this stuff because duh, everyone is going to be talking about BDSM in 2015, aka the year of the 50 Shades movie! And lucky for you, the film is now fully available to watch on Youtube, yay!

2. The Happy Hooker

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This is one of my fave books ever, obvi–it makes the perfect birthday gift for your slutty friends!  It was written in 1971 by the amazing Xaviera Hollander. The book is Hollander’s memoir, and talks in amazing and hysterical detail about everything from her first sexual experiences, to becoming one of New York’s highest paid prostitutes, to eventually becoming the madam of New York’s most upscale brothel… until she was eventually deported from the USA on the grounds of “moral turpitude” (tragic). Hollander also wrote a famous advice column for Penthouse magazine called Call Me Madam, which ran for 30 years. The Happy Hooker is considered a landmark of sex-positive writing (my hero!). I suggest you run out and buy it now!

3. Radiolab’s “Patient Zero”

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Most of you are probably familiar with the podcast Radiolab. I admittedly only started listening to it regularly a few months ago, but in my recent bing this episode was definitely my favorite. “Patient Zero” explores the single figure at the genesis of an outbreak–the person who sets it all in motion–by looking at some of the most iconic Patient Zeros of all time: Typhoid Mary, the genesis of the AIDS epidemic, the origins of the Ebola outbreak, and it also asks: who invented the high-five?

4. Camille Paglia interviewed by Bill Maher

Camille might be the most controversial feminist of all time, and some of her ideas are insane and kinda nonsensical, but I can’t help but love her. This interview she did in 1995 with Bill Maher on the show Politically Incorrect–about feminism, and many other things–is one of my favorites she’s ever done.

5. “Prey,” an essay by Kathleen Hale

kathleen hale, victim of sexual assault

This incredible essay is an upsetting but important read. In it, writer Kathleen Hale describes the incident of her college rape, the ensuing two-year-long rape trial, and how she went from prey to predator. Hers is an incredibly important story, especially now, in light of the current backlash against colleges for their continued mishandling of rape cases. You can read here essay HERE. 

p.s. If you want to buy one of my lovely Slutever Vaj T-Shirts (featured on me in the Happy Hooker pic) you can still do so. Details on how to buy one HERE.

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Ask Slutever: Am I a Lez?

Despair-1Pic @ Alex Prager

I’m a 22 year old girl, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 year, and I’ve been thinking about having sex with girls for over 3 years. But if I’m honest with myself, I’ve always known, in the back of my mind, that I like girls. I’ve cheated on my boyfriend–I kissed a few girls, had sex with one of them, and I think I fell in love with one of my girlfriends. But to me it wasn’t really cheating because I felt I had the right to explore my sexuality, and did not feel any guilt, but rather extreme happiness that I was getting to know myself better. I love my boyfriend to bits, and I feel like he’s the only man I can be with (our sex life is still great), but at the same time I feel absolutely zero attraction for other men, and feel like a teenage girl with butterflies in my stomach every time I see a hot girl. I’ve told my bf that I like girls, but he just got horny and said we should have a threesome. I wouldn’t mind that! We’ve been trying to find the right person to do it with for over a year but it’s not easy. But when I tried to explain to my bf that I really really like girls, he seemed unfazed.

Anyway, the point is that I don’t know how to explain to my bf that this is more than a fantasy for me, and that I think if I repress these feelings now I will be unhappy forever. But at the same time I don’t want to end my relationship with him because I’m scared of losing him for something that’s maybe just a phase. I know I can’t have everything, but I wish I could. I’m so confused!

Yay, you’re part gay, how exciting!! I personally believe that a person’s sexual orientation can change and evolve with time. (Look at me! I’ve been a lesbian for over two years now. Didn’t see that one coming…) Maybe you’re discovering a part of your sexuality that you didn’t know existed when you met you boyfriend. Or maybe this is a new facet of your sexuality that’s here to stay. Or, sure, maybe these lez feelings are “a phase.” But so what? Why should that make them any less valid?

I don’t get why, when it comes to sexuality, people so often regard “phases” as being silly or insignificant. It’s like, if you had a phase where you suddenly really craved coffee despite never having been interested in it before, no one would say “don’t bother drinking coffee because you might stop craving it eventually.” That’s a stupid analogy, but do you know what I mean? Even if your newfound lesbianism is a phase, don’t you think you should capitalize on it?! If this is your only gay/bi phase, then you should sleep with as many girls as possible before you phase-out and miss the opportunity entirely! Quick! Or, if you actually do prefer girls, for the long term, than you might as well start your crossover to the darkside sooner rather than later, right?

It’s so funny and predictable that your bf thought your attraction to girls was hot, but not a “serious” issue. Men are so egotistical; it’s insane. I had a similar situation with my ex boyfriend. Although I told him I was bi, he never really took it seriously–the only time he noted my bi-ness was when it meant we got to have threesomes. He literally told me that I could sleep with girls on my own, despite he and I being in a monogamous relationship, essentially because he didn’t find women threatening–like “yeah, you’re in an experimental phase, that’s cute,” type of thing. But the joke was on him because I ended up leaving him for one of the girls he found so unthreatening… mwahahaha.

Anyway, the point is: yes, you have every right to experiment with your sexuality, and you should! But you can explore and experiment without cheating on someone at the same time. It’s not really fair to your boyfriend that you’re sneaking around fucking other people. (And I’m pretty sure that even though you didn’t feel like you were cheating, it was still technically cheating–lol). I would never tell you that you should dump him, because I don’t know you, or him, or your relationship well enough to make that major decision for you. But I do think you should consider whether you are hesitant to break up because you’re just scared of change, or of being alone. Of course, those are valid things to be anxious about–5 years is a long time to date someone, and breaking-up sucks. But the fact that you said, “I think if I repress these feelings now I will be unhappy forever” seems like a major sign to me! In life, people far more often regret things the things they didn’t do than the things they did do. 

Also, you’re just 22! You’ve been dating the same person since you were 17! I assume it’s not just that you want to have sex with girls, but that you want to have sex with other people in general. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that it’s unlikely that you’re going to be with this guy forever. That doesn’t mean it was a failed or regrettable relationship. It just means it’s not the only relationship you’re ever going to be in. If you’re boyfriend is important to you, he can still be in your life as a friend after you join the lesbian mafia.

Posted in Sex + Love Advice | Tagged , , , | 7 Comments