Rants, Feelings & Opinions

Pee Smoothies

May 6, 2012

Don’t you hate it when you’re peeing into a guy’s mouth and he starts puking? GOD, fucking amateurs.

Yesterday Mistress Dee and I were peeing on a guy, as per usual. Dee has been giving golden showers for years now and is famous within the scene for being able to piss for over two minutes straight. (She can control it so it comes out at a steady, medium-to-light flow.) But yesterday she had to go really bad, so she asked me to time her on her iPhone while she pissed into the sub’s mouth, to see if she could break her record of 2 minutes and 20 seconds. So the guy laid on his back on the floor and Dee stood over his face and pissed for a solid (I kid you not) 2 minutes and 59 seconds. It was INSANE. And the guy drank nearly every drop of it. He just opened up his throat and was straight-up chugging her piss. It was pretty amazing to watch.

Then it was my turn. I knew my performance was going to pale in comparison to Mistress Dee’s, but by that time the guy was already burping up gross piss burps and complaining of being “full” (eww) so I figured it didn’t matter too much. Plus, I recently learned this new trick where I can keep one foot on the ground for balance, and put my other foot on the sub’s throat so that I can literally choke him while pissing into his face, so at least I had that little gem to offer. (That doesn’t sound like it would be hard but it actually is–you try pissing while balancing on one foot.) So anyway, I started doing my thing and a few seconds into it the guy started vomiting! Lying on his back, vomiting up mouthfuls of pee and then swallowing the regurgitated urine again because he didn’t want to waste any of it. I was like “Uggghghh dude, get yourself together actually.” It was kind of gross. Then I made a joke about how if he was too full to drink my pee now that I could bottle it up and he could have it as a snack later–maybe even mix it with a banana or something and have a pee smoothie. And then Mistress Dee shouted, “Oh my god, pee smoothie! That’s genius!” and I was like “What do you mean?” and she was like “We should make pee smoothies and sell them for $100,” and I was like “Wow, that is a great idea, you are so smart for thinking of that!” and she was like “Thanks, you are so smart too!” and then we laughed in slow motion.

So… this summer Dee and I will be selling smoothies with our combined urine and two fruits of your choice for $100. Order in advance and then come over and get a fresh glass! Email karleyslutever@gmail.com to order. No time wasters.

YUM!

Photo by Nobuyoshi Araki

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21 Comments

  • Reply Cylinder no.4 May 6, 2012 at 9:47 pm

    Will the fruit be organic? I am not touching anything that isn’t organic.

    • Reply karleyslutever May 6, 2012 at 10:06 pm

      obvz organic

      • Reply Cylinder no.4 May 7, 2012 at 12:31 am

        You need to come up with a whole line of smoothies. Perhaps take it on Dragons Den: business plan, financial projection, hand out samples.

  • Reply Kreetard May 6, 2012 at 10:03 pm

    what’s the going rate for a cup of piss? I found a craigslist buyer who very quickly agreed to $50 a cup and now I’m worried that I may have missed a chance to make far more money.

    • Reply karleyslutever May 6, 2012 at 10:05 pm

      I don’t know… $50 seems good. I’ll make 50 on this deal.

  • Reply Oh_hi May 6, 2012 at 10:52 pm

    pee is very alt & cutting edge.

  • Reply Frank May 7, 2012 at 2:42 am

    For some reason my first thought was, ‘I wonder which fruits would go with pee?’

    Pineapple seems like a good bet.

  • Reply K May 7, 2012 at 2:45 am

    I am a submissive and i have never been peed on but it is one of those things that i would love to be forced to do by a domme. I think a woman squatting and peeing on you is just about the ultimate type of submission.

  • Reply hazedaze May 7, 2012 at 5:23 am

    laughing in slow motion and making organic pee smoothies is how i want to spend the rest of my life.

  • Reply pssh May 7, 2012 at 8:50 am

    Hows about a frozen Peesicle to enjoy on a hot summers day? …refreshing

  • Reply Lorenzo May 7, 2012 at 9:02 am

    I am sorry to say this, I mostly enjoy your blog and your writing but this is getting kind of disgusting…and I don’t think any irony or wit can reverse that. I know the point of this blog is to show that everything in sex is ok as long as it is consensual, but I’m frightened that in the end is showing the exact opposite: that in intimacy, even if it’s not cool or cutting edge, there are, and there should be, boundaries others than free will (and is there free will after all? A men enslaved to his frustration to the point that is paying to puke for drinking urine is really free?).
    Maybe I am projecting, but I think you are aknowledging it too. I think you’re a good writer, and I think your talent isn’t necessarily to be feed with increasingly revolting experiences to be productive.

    • Reply Mathias May 7, 2012 at 11:53 pm

      It would be interesting to hear what kind of boundaries you’re thinking of. No offence, but this sounds like the typical religion-infested moral post when you don’t give us examples on what kind of standards one should rely when it comes to whether or not perfoming a certain act of sexuality. At least in your opinion of course.

      • Reply Lorenzo May 13, 2012 at 1:09 pm

        I can’t give you any example or standards, because I am not a moralist or a religious officer. This is exactly the point, I think that there are no code o dogmas in sexuality. Reading this blog I came to realize that also “everything is ok”, in the end, is a dogma, and doesn’t always work well, like every dogma. I think that everyone should find where their boundaries are, and I also feel that embracing the “everything-is-ok-as-long-as-it’s-consensual” dogma, renouncing to think with our own mind if what were doing is truly right for us, can cause bad consequences: like a guy puking under our foot.

  • Reply berry pie May 7, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    yea, like pee is free and everything. we can drink it everyday, all day if we want. there’s no need to puke over it.

  • Reply Andre Legacy May 7, 2012 at 7:28 pm

    haha this reminds me of when danger aron it was winter and he made a snow cone, pissed on it and ate it..

  • Reply B May 7, 2012 at 10:20 pm

    I am laughing in slow motion at the grotesque nature of this blog… the fact that it was written… and the relative amount of win in the comments.

  • Reply HETHER FORTUNE May 8, 2012 at 12:48 am

    GENIUS

  • Reply courtney May 8, 2012 at 1:27 am

    tell us how many you actually sell?

  • Reply duende May 8, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    a classic Matthew Stokoe moment.

  • Reply pisslover May 11, 2012 at 2:25 am

    good work i’d very much like you and your freind to piss all over me,would i be able to stuff my cock in your ass and piss inside you?

  • Reply Mary May 13, 2012 at 1:51 am

    On a random note, does anyone know who that girl in the picture is? She’s exquisite.

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