Uncategorized

Porn Life

November 9, 2011

Bunny by Kristin Vicari

Bunny tells me I should chill out and stop being so creepy and rapey and that it’s not cool or sexy to recruit drunk girls to have threesomes with like I’m choosing teams for kickball.

“Not everyone wants to fuck you,” he says, his mouth full of bagel. “You seem to have trouble grasping that concept. You can’t just walk up to strangers in art galleries and invite them to have group sex with you and your mute boyfriend. It’s scary. People are scared of you.”

“As if. I’m more subtle than that.”

“You’re not.”

“Also, please don’t call it ‘group sex’. You make it sound like some new age, team bonding excerise.”

“All I’m saying,” he shrugs, “is that you should potentially rein in your horniness a bit. It’s not a good look. I find overtly horny people quite repulsive.”

“Oh god, me too,” I say. I then think for a moment about whether this statement is actually true and realize that yes, for the most part, it is. “I guess I hate myself kind of.”

I’ve wondered: does porn imitate sex, or does sex imitate porn? Lately a large part of my life has been spent trying to recreate the porn I watch. I watch a video of a paraplegic “rape” scene. Five hours later I say to my boyfriend: “OK, let’s play a game. I’m paralyzed from the waist down from a tragic water skiing accident. You’re a Swedish criminal who just escaped from jail and you break into my bedroom to find me sleeping, naked and helpless. OK… go.” He never plays along but he never actively says “no” either–he just kind of silently stares into middle distance–which makes it easy for me to keep the fantasy playing out in my head.

I’ve never necessarily wanted to be fucked in my back yard while being strangled with a garden hose. I didn’t not want it, I’d just never thought about it before. But then last week I came watching an Xtube video with a similar sequence and now it’s all I think about.

Recently, Tea told me that her love of gangbang porn has made the idea of sleeping with just one man at a time seem inadequate. “How the fuck am I supposed to get off to just one lousy dick?” was what I think she said in the middle of what seemed like a near psychotic breakdown. The porn we watch, it seems, informs what we desire.

I say to Bunny, who isn’t listening, “Do you ever find that things come out of your mouth during sex that you never would have said if you didn’t hear them over and over in porn or in movies?”

“Don’t ask me. Sex makes me nauseous.”

“Things like ‘Don’t stop’, ‘Your dick feels amazing’, ‘Fuck me harder’…”

“Eww,” he winces. “Do you actually say ‘fuck me harder’? That’s so embarrassing.

“I do sometimes. I think I do anyway… I don’t even know. If I do it doesn’t actually mean anything. It’s just something you say. One of those expressions that sound like someone else is talking: “Fuck me harder”, “He will be greatly missed”; it’s the same kind of thing.”

“I guess so.”

Comments

Comments

You Might Also Like

20 Comments

  • Reply hannahbananna November 9, 2011 at 7:20 am

    OMG yes!! Watching lesbian porn is what made me want to try out sex with a girl. It looks so hot and cute and fun. I was right.

  • Reply dalas v November 9, 2011 at 10:05 am

    143

  • Reply LB November 9, 2011 at 11:08 am

    karley, you are amazing, and super hot. But sometimes it seems that you are relying on Hamilton, Tea, Bunny, and others as props for an otherwise blundering blog about you peeing on people.
    Just saying.

    • Reply lolita November 9, 2011 at 4:01 pm

      Wrong.

      Karley, I think you should write about Bunny MORE. I love all of your London stories about Bunny’s beautiful weirdness.

    • Reply karleyslutever November 9, 2011 at 4:32 pm

      @LB: What should I write about then?

      • Reply mt November 11, 2011 at 4:39 am

        Not in a “I want to see you naked way”, but a video diary of your sex life would be fascinating.

        • Reply elocin November 15, 2011 at 10:17 pm

          i for one like seeing you naked :)

    • Reply S. November 9, 2011 at 5:14 pm

      Highly disagree.

      • Reply karleyslutever November 9, 2011 at 5:25 pm

        OMG Sofia I’m such a fan of yours! xx

  • Reply EyeSpy November 9, 2011 at 5:48 pm

    I like a girl who’s down for some good ol’ fashion role play!

  • Reply cailin November 9, 2011 at 8:00 pm

    i think they can complement one another but the best sex i’ve ever had had to do with deep feelings of love. are you aware of tantric sex ?

    • Reply karleyslutever November 9, 2011 at 8:49 pm

      I agree with the love thing. Feelings alert!

      And yes I know about it but have no experience with it. Sounds kind of scary TBH.

  • Reply Lisp November 10, 2011 at 12:55 am

    Karley you’re so funny. You seem like the best girlfriend ever. I didn’t know who else to tell but you, but I’ve just got myself a master.

    • Reply karleyslutever November 10, 2011 at 2:56 am

      Congratulations!

  • Reply Liz November 10, 2011 at 3:24 am

    Totally! I saw a threesome somewhere and when done, it was better than I expected. Sometimes porn just gives you good ideas!

  • Reply evars November 10, 2011 at 10:34 am

    i say fuck me harder and mean it. it’s true i felt kind of stupid at first but trying to psychically communicate that i want to be fucked harder didn’t work, so i just ask.

  • Reply Lisp November 10, 2011 at 1:11 pm

    Is it weird that sometimes I really enjoy porn, and fetishes and all of that and then five minutes later I find them hilarious and all they do is make me laugh?

  • Reply est November 11, 2011 at 5:07 am

    Ugh. Why is Bunny right about everything. I have to stop the overtly horniness too.

  • Reply sh November 15, 2011 at 2:22 am

    yes! those are all totally things i say and that i obviously gleaned from cheesy porn movies… i always wonder what kind of noises people who have never seen porn make during sex

  • Reply FrostyChud November 24, 2011 at 1:14 am

    I recently caught herpes from a girl whom I believed to be my soul lover. She broke up with me via e-mail two months later. She was not my soul lover…just a girl with a pretty smile. I wrote a long letter to my father. Suddenly pornography seemed disgusting to me. My problem is that I can’t enjoy the multiplicity of life because I see symptoms everywhere. Take this blog. My first reflex is to see nothing but hysterical acting-out and a strong death drive behind all of the bright colors and varieties of enjoyment on display. The modern obligation to push transgression & perversion beyond its sad & typical traditional masculine forms into the limitless field of female sexuality seems like an absolute catastrophe for men and maybe for women as well. I’m sitting at home. My life is sad. I wish I were having fun with you and your friends. Karley, you have an honest smile and a witty narrative voice. Are you a feminist? Fuck that, you don’t have to apologize to anyone, especially not a bunch of hysterics. What’s the point of being a damn bohemian otherwise? I have lived the bohemian life but these days I am not too successful at anything. Like I said…I have a tendency to focus on the One at the expense of the Multiple…the death drive…whereas what I should be seeing…is the dignity of the embedded multiplicity of your life…which you appear to live in reality…but this is not easy for me…fuck the damn One…but that said…the problem with the One is that it is there…and it is true…and I can’t not see it…the One can’t be unseen once it’s been seen…how many occasions for having fun have I missed because I can’t ignore the One of the death drive? The long and the short of it is that you are fantasizing about being raped…but maybe peace is not better than chaos!

  • Leave a Reply