Concept and artwork: Maria&Karley@assholeartists.com
ays felt sorry for those guys. They get such a bad rap…
So I was watching this horrible 80’s porn the other day and I was super turned on and this hot black dude was licking Nutella of some girl’s clit and she was moaning and I was moaning it was all hot and sweaty and sexy and it made me wonder… what would it be like to fuck a shark?
Ever since my trip to the London Aquarium a couple weeks back I can’t seem to think about anything but sharks. I just love them—so dangerous yet so elegant, so savage yet so beautiful. Sort of like Sarah Michelle Gellar in that move Cruel Intentions, except not at all.
My obsession with the animal started off innocently—watching videos of shark attacks on Youtube, drawing pictures of sharks naked, etc. It later progressed onto excessive Google sessions, searching things like ‘shark orgy’ and ‘erect shark cock.’ Finally, my fetish reached its peak when I found myself watching a video of a hairy Italian man in a shark costume fucking a fat woman doggy-style in a swimming pool… and getting totally wet. (The video is called ‘A Shark Fucking a Whale,’ if you want to look it up.) Like… should I feel weird about this?
But back to the point—what would it be like to fuck a shark? Well, I decided to ditch the vintage porn and instead finish myself off to thoughts of being pummeled by a Great White. And let me tell you, if it’s anything like my fantasies, making love to a shark is incredibly hot. I mean next level hot. Fuck—sharks are just so, you know, wet and streamlined and muscular and stuff. I’m getting hard just thinking about them. Plus they’ve got that whole rough and ready thing going on. I’m way into that.
The only problem with this fascination, however, is that I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make my fantasies a reality. I mean, seriously, where the fuck am I going to find a shark? Plus, I don’t know for sure, but I’m assuming zoophilia is illegal. Ugh, I feel like an outcast of sexual society. It blows not fitting in. This is what pedos must feel like. I’ve always felt sorry for those guys. They get such a bad rap…