Sex + Love Advice

Ask Slutever: Should I be Double-Teamed by a Couple Twice My Age?

January 16, 2016
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Life is full of hard decisions… By Karley Sciortino. Image by Ellen von Unwerth

I’m an 18 years old and I like pushing my boundaries in all aspects of my life. So, in a sort of social experiment, I joined a dating app. Suddenly this 37-years-old guy tells me that him and his girlfriend want to have a threesome. It seems both exciting but also like a bad idea. My first time was sort of emotionally painful, as the guy just acted like it was Ibiza even though we were neighbors and went to the same school. So I really want to avoid being hurt by sex again. What do you think?

To threesome or not to threesome—the modern slut’s dilemma :) In order to answer this question, you have to ask yourself: Why do people get hurt? Well, usually, people get hurt when their expectations of a sexual or romantic experience aren’t met. For instance, with your neighbor, it sounds like you wanted or expected something more meaningful to evolve from your sexual experience, and when it didn’t—because he just wanted sex and your expectations didn’t align with his—you felt rejected or used in some way. That’s totally understandable; we’ve all been through that. However, the best way to avoid being hurt by sex is to be as realistic as possible about the situations you get yourself into, and what you’re going to get out of them. The situation with your neighbor was more ambiguous, however this threesome situation is very clear.

Allow me to explain exactly what’s going on here: A much older couple want to have sex with you because they think it will be a novel and sexy experience to fuck a hot, young girl. That’s it. Most likely, they will have sex with you one time and then not want to continue seeing you. And that’s fine, so long as you’re doing it for the same reason: i.e. you want the novel, fun experience of fucking a much older couple one time. This is transparently just a sex thing. And while of course you should expect them to be nice and caring during your date, you shouldn’t expect this sexual experience to turn into something more. They might not even want you to sleep over—not in a mean way, but it might cross an intimacy/emotional boundary for them as a couple to have a third person spend the night in their bed. But if you fully understand that, and are turned on by the idea of being the Lolita, and probably being sort of worshiped by this couple for a night, then yes, I totally think having a threesome with them could be a very fun, unique, sexy, and—who knows?—maybe even transformative experience.

If you think you’re down, why don’t you suggest meeting up with them for a drink or tea one day, and see if you like them IRL before making the decision? You can always leave! Remember that. But if you like them, you can go for it, and then you’ll have a cool story about being double-teamed by a couple twice your age to tell at dinner parties.

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