Slave Whatever

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
The slave casually performing a self-choreographed dance routing to The Killers over Skype

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So my slave is turning out to be a massive LET DOWN just like every other slave I’ve ever had. Well, I shouldn’t say that, that’s mean, as we’ve sort of become “friends” beyond the fact that he buys me things. He confides in me a lot, which is guess is a sign of friendship? For example he often sends me 2,000 confessional emails about how he cries every time he has sex with a woman. Or about how much he loves Brandon Flowers, and how down to earth he seems and how he’s inspiring him to want to be a singer. Or about the time he was meant to go see MGMT with this prostitute he met off collarme.com, but how she actually stood him up and he went by himself. Or about the 16 year old girl he buys phone credit for but who (ironically) will not answer his phone calls. And the list goes on…

But BASICALLY, if you are going to get a slave I recommend you find one who is not unemployed, which my slave now is after he recently quit his job. (WHY?! You obviously have precious people to support!) He told me that he can’t afford to pay my rent this month, and that he needs a month of no book buying to get some money together so he can pay his rent. So I guess his rent is more important than my rent now.

Or maybe he’s annoyed me with me? Annoyed that every time he calls me I tell him I can’t talk because I’m in the middle of something really important, even if it’s like 1am. Or that I make fun of everything that comes out of his mouth because it’s all so painfully pathetic and embarrassing. Or that the reason he craves being treated like shit is because he actually is just sort of shit in general. I can tell sometimes when I say things like this he genuinely feels hurt and offended. But it’s also just like WTF DUDE? I thought you wanted to be abused?! I thought that was the entire point of this relationship?! Make up your fucking mind.

Also, p.s., his new thing is that he photo-shops his face onto pre-existing photos of me and various male friends. I can’t upload them for obvious reasons, but seriously! Lolz!

See! Mixed messages!

Also, he’s recently been trying to covertly become friends with Bunny because he’s random and has no shame. He’s trying to employ me as part of his plan to “accidentally run into him” during an upcomming visit to London, which is why I now get emails like this:

Comments

comments

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15 Responses to Slave Whatever

  1. mandar says:

    He looks doughy, like my ex boyfriend…..pffffft *fart noise*

  2. someone says:

    WTF hes a twig. Maybe not by Karley's definiton of a twig but by normal definition on a twig

  3. Helen says:

    he's quite obviously poorly in the head and you're being, well, a bitch by encouraging him as he evidently doesn't even have enough money to look after himself let alone you and whoever else is selfish enough to gladly take his money. Stop taking advantage, can you not pay your own bills?

  4. julia says:

    PLEASE!!! I WANT BUNNY TO BRING HIM HOME!!

  5. stella says:

    he's so not a twig.

  6. x says:

    Helen needs to get over it. That's what he wants, and his mixed messages just means he wants a change of pace, but I ultimately see him going back to asking to be abused by someone if it isn't her and the few other random people he's found. This guy's a pimp. Kind of literally, but I meant in the 'badass' kind of way, too. Bunny's right, though. Your slave is wanking way too hard, that sounds like it should not be possible to hurt your cock that badly just from jacking.

  7. vlada says:

    Hey Karley, why dont you have your email adress infor,ation on your blog page, as it used to be before?need your email, where can I find it?

  8. book bitch says:

    do i really look doughy??? i personally think thats a bit harsh.

  9. e says:

    i don't think you look doughy book bitch. i think you should probably get help rather than paying someone else's bills and what not. although your master (karley) is fairly attractive, so i can see why you would want to… and btw it's 'alluded' not 'eluded'. JUS' SAYIN' BB

  10. Anna says:

    oOOoOOoooooooooOOOooooooooooooo funnnzzzzzzzzzz

  11. quackenbush says:

    Man, Bunny can't give tips on wanking if he's asexual.

  12. author says:

    Karley, I would encourage you honestly to stop accepting the money of your "slave" and suggest he talk to a therapist. it would be a different matter if he had a large disposable income but i think that if you could look at this situation more objectively, beyond your own needs, you might find your actions in these circumstances unethical. Though i can definitely imagine that if a stranger was paying my rent, i would be eager to try to rationalize the situation in my favor. so while i can relate to you here i feel compelled to remind you that this is an actual human being on the other end of the line, even if he is begging you to consider himself less than that.

  13. Hvhgkvjgiu says:

    Fuck it, take him for every penny he's got.

  14. sweden says:

    i need a slave to pay my rent so i can buy more shoes

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