So my slave is turning out to be a massive LET DOWN just like every other slave I’ve ever had. Well, I shouldn’t say that, that’s mean, as we’ve sort of become “friends” beyond the fact that he buys me things. He confides in me a lot, which is guess is a sign of friendship? For example he often sends me 2,000 confessional emails about how he cries every time he has sex with a woman. Or about how much he loves Brandon Flowers, and how down to earth he seems and how he’s inspiring him to want to be a singer. Or about the time he was meant to go see MGMT with this prostitute he met off collarme.com, but how she actually stood him up and he went by himself. Or about the 16 year old girl he buys phone credit for but who (ironically) will not answer his phone calls. And the list goes on…
But BASICALLY, if you are going to get a slave I recommend you find one who is not unemployed, which my slave now is after he recently quit his job. (WHY?! You obviously have precious people to support!) He told me that he can’t afford to pay my rent this month, and that he needs a month of no book buying to get some money together so he can pay his rent. So I guess his rent is more important than my rent now.
Or maybe he’s annoyed me with me? Annoyed that every time he calls me I tell him I can’t talk because I’m in the middle of something really important, even if it’s like 1am. Or that I make fun of everything that comes out of his mouth because it’s all so painfully pathetic and embarrassing. Or that the reason he craves being treated like shit is because he actually is just sort of shit in general. I can tell sometimes when I say things like this he genuinely feels hurt and offended. But it’s also just like WTF DUDE? I thought you wanted to be abused?! I thought that was the entire point of this relationship?! Make up your fucking mind.
Also, p.s., his new thing is that he photo-shops his face onto pre-existing photos of me and various male friends. I can’t upload them for obvious reasons, but seriously! Lolz!
See! Mixed messages!
Also, he’s recently been trying to covertly become friends with Bunny because he’s random and has no shame. He’s trying to employ me as part of his plan to “accidentally run into him” during an upcomming visit to London, which is why I now get emails like this: