Talking

I think about you all the time, I said. From when I wake up in the morning until I go to bed at night. It’s like I can’t change the channel. My mind has one channel and it’s you. Sometimes there will be a commercial break where I’ll focus on something else for a while, but I always go back to you. You’re the only thing on.

That’s nice, he said.

It’s kind of exhausting, I said, because I worry a lot. I constantly worry about you dying. I know it’s pointless but I can’t help it, because you being alive is really important to me. It’s like the thought of you dying is scarier than the thought of me dying.

Uh huh.

Because the thing about people is, we only really care about ourselves. We are all deeply self obsessed, solipsistic, egotistical–the center of our own universes. So when we meet someone who makes us stop thinking about ourselves, even for a second, that must be a big deal, right?

I guess so.

Sometimes I feel like if I don’t suck your dick I’ll stop breathing.

I like that.

I could be addicted to you, probably.

(…)

Isn’t it strange how we all create our own personal definitions of beauty–how what’s beautiful or important to one person has no bearing on what’s beautiful or important to the next? Like it’s weird to think that people in the street look at you and just think you’re some skinny, stretched-out kid with a fucked-up face and a nose that’s too big and a pelvis that sticks out way too far, but to me you’re basically, whatever, perfect or something.

Uh, thanks.

And saying all this makes me feel kind of embarrassed, exposed, stupid… but there’s not really a way around it. Because if there was one magic word I could say that would express all of this stuff to you I would just say it, but that word doesn’t exist, so instead I have to blab on and on and not really make sense in order to try and at least semi-explain myself and how I feel. And I don’t know if I’m succeeding but I feel like this is the best I can do with what the English language has to offer me. And I’m probably chewing your ear off, but I’m not even close to being done.

It’s OK, he said. I like hearing you talk.

Photos @ Will McBride

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14 Responses to Talking

  1. ? says:

    Are those photos, like, allowed?

  2. huh says:

    what is UP with the size of the dick on the first photo???

  3. I've been waiting my whole life for someone to say those things to me. Still waiting…

  4. Amy says:

    I'm uncomfortable with these images and that disturbs me. These are beautiful, artistically photographed young boys. It's unfortunate that our society condemns such things under the guise of protecting children. Natural beauty is reverential.The photographs complement your lovely story. They're vulnerable, yet completely uninhibited. Nice work, Miss Carly! I love this blog.

  5. :) :( says:

    "Because the thing about people is, we only really care about ourselves."This stops when you have children, or you fall madly in love.

  6. daze says:

    i love this

  7. ok says:

    I wasn't sure how I felt about it until the last line. Well done. I love these flash stories you do. So much better than stupid slave shit or hipster dating advice.The posters above me seem to think that the boy(s) in those two pics are children. They just look like children correct? It's 3-5 of broom sticks and falling asleep with the taste of HIV in your mouth for anything else. It's not a matter of morality; it's technicality and legality. Baby Brooke is fine because the supreme court already said so; anything else is putting your readers in danger. But excuse my aggression, as I figure those are just boyish men.

  8. bree says:

    this is about hamilton?

  9. AmandaT says:

    I really love this.

  10. veronika says:

    beautiful

  11. stella says:

    at least the first boy is obviously a kid, not some boyish man. mcbrides photos are somewhat (in)famous – there has been much controversy about whether they were legal art or illegal child pornography (google his show me! photo book).

  12. sweden says:

    ummm isn't this child pornography???i don't want you to get in trouble for posting these, even though it's "art'just a little weirded out /uncomfortable here for the first time ever, being a long time fan of your blog.

  13. me says:

    These are very well known (yet controversial) images by the famous photographer Will McBride, and are easily found many places on the internet.

  14. Ciota Locha says:

    I love this photographer.

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