To the lustful:
Having copious amounts of awkward teenage sex is totally warranted, even encouraged. Just remember these three vital rules:
1. Always wear condoms, even though they do kind of suck.
2. Sex with someone you love is a million times better than with someone you don’t, but both can be fun.
3. For fuck’s sake, swallow! (Spitting is highly unladylike.)
It is often said that the teen years are one’s most prurient, the sexual zenith. This isn’t exactly the case. I’m twenty-four and I definitely still want to fuck everything I see. I have friends in their thirties who only remove the cock from their mouths long enough to eat, drink and put on lipstick (mascara, conveniently, can be applied during fellatio). Just last week I discovered that my fifty-two year old radical Christian mother watches Youporn. Basically, we’re all horny. What’s unique about teen lust, however, is that it’s clumsy and insecure and essentially just more retarded. In other words, pure.
Photos @ Ross McDonnell
I then went on to speak about the time I lost my V-card, but I’ve already blogged about that, so I won’t bore you with the same story again. If you haven’t read it, you can do that HERE. Although I actually just re-read that entry and puked in my mouth a little bit. Revisiting old writing (or any work, for that matter) is such a horrifying, embarassing experience. Never look back; that should be our new motto. So instead of reading that maybe you should read THIS instead, a recent interview with Woody Allen in the New York Times, with a section about how he’s never watched a movie he’s made after its release, for fear of becoming depressed. We can all learn something from this.