Rants, Feelings & Opinions

The Cutest, Weirdest and Most Tragic V-Days Ever

February 14, 2015


And…. the winners of the Vagina Valentine’s Day Contest are….?!!?

Last week, I asked people to send me their stories about the best, weirdest, most romantic, grossest or tragic thing that ever happened to them on Valentine’s Day, in exchange for one of my Slutever Vaj Tees. I finally picked the winners!  Also, I hope you’re having a good V-Day. Mine so far has been awful, actually, but I hope seeing Fifty Shades this afternoon will make it better (I pre-bought tickets obvi).

  1. The strangest:

Valentine’s 2014 was my best. My wife and I are in an open marriage. My wife was 1,000 miles away in Colorado with her ex. I was back home in Seattle. She skied all day followed by epic sex against a wall, and peppering me all day with loving texts of gratitude for a marriage with the space and trust for a magical mingling of her past and present.  –Cameron Leeds

  1. The cutest

Never one for grand, expensive gestures, the most romantic gift I’ve ever given was one of my dresser drawers. I put it in wrapping paper and gave it to my girlfriend for Valentine’s. Nothing says romance like “Here’s a place for you to put your shit when you’re sleeping over.” –“Win, Lose, or Drawer”?

  1. The funniest

My girlfriend and I celebrated by buying Our First Strap On (neither of us have ever fucked a guy). Lights down low, sexy playlist, etc. Then we put the lights back on full. Then we opened our laptops. The night ended with the two of us googling “how do straight people have sex” and confusedly watching heterosexual porn. Turns out dudes have a lower centre of gravity than women, which enables them to thrust easier, but seriously, I can’t make it work unless the person getting fucked is on top. –by, Wonj

  1. The most extreme:

Small cities are notorious groanzones for gays. Valentines 2014 found me tied to the bed of a group-sex-obsessed friends-with benefits. When my hot (previously assumed straight) cousin walked in, my obvious reaction was to calmly explain, in a room of erect strangers, that his uncle isn’t actually my biological dad. #BestVDayYet

  1. The most tragic

​We had arranged to come to my house to eat shrooms together. I had picked them in advance but the psilocybin through my skin made me prematurely trip. When he rang I thought I was an alien. I didn’t feel ready to abduct him. ​The V-day was a disaster, given that we were on different planets. — Dinosaur Godfrey



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