Last week I wrote a blog post about my ongoing obsession with Colin, the wheelchair kid out of The Secret Garden. This entry followed a written love letter I sent to Colin’s work address, with the intention of conveying my eternal affection for him both as a beautiful, damaged child as well as an adult (sort of), in hopes that we would one day meet and get married and have lots of little wheelchair bound babies.
My dream has come true. Finally, weeks after sending the letter, Colin (real name Heydon Prowse) has publicly responded to me via his website Don’t Panic, basically saying he loves me too!!! Well… sort of. He did it in a slightly roundabout way, referring to me as a “pervert” and saying that I’m both “inappropriate” and a “sick and unhinged individual,” but I read between the lines. I could feel the underlying sense of lust in his words, his fervent desire for me. And anyway, those are compliments, right? I’m into being thought of as sick and unhinged. That’s hot. Well, it’s better than “normal” and “boring” anyway.
You can read Colin’s entire post on Don’t Panic HERE. [Be sure to scroll down to see the “cry for help” email he sent the NSPCC. What a joker!]
So, in response to his evasive, love-torn message, I’d just like to say: Colin, if you’re reading this, you don’t have to be shy anymore! I feel the same way! I understand you may be scared to profess your love as shamelessly as I have, but don’t worry, I will be here waiting when you are ready. So please my dear Colin, be true to your heart. This is our time. We’re meant to be together.
And one more thing. Before we take our relationship any further, I need to say something in my defense: I realize that my original letter may have been slightly overbearing, but just so you know, I’m not that crazy. I mean, is it really that weird that I masturbate to pictures of you as a kid? Let’s be real Col—you seem slightly over self-aware these days. I wouldn’t be surprised if you jerked off to pictures of your child self as well! (Also, I resent being referred to as a “hipster blogger.” Look in the mirror.)
So in conclusion, I still love you Colin. I really do. I still dream about you, still fantasize about holding you, licking you, smelling you—still want you inside me (pubic hair or not). You can’t fool me you silly boy; I’m an expert at playing games. I know you’re just playing hard to get. So stop with the mixed messages Colin!!! Are we gunna fuck or what?!?!