A New Meaning for the term ‘Black Friday’


Heinous, fat slob Americans scored themselves another point on Friday morning when a giant tribe of crazed bargain-shoppers crushed a security guard to death as they stampeded their way into a Wal-Mart on Long Island, NY. Thirty-four year old Jdimytai Damour was killed when over two-thousand evil bastards, some of whom had been waiting outside Wal-Mart for over seven hours, bombarded their way through the doors in a holiday-shopping rampage, fighting to be the first to get their fat, grubby fingers on the store’s post-Thanksgiving Day sales.

Are you fucking kidding me? This is literally the most soul-rotting story I have ever heard. I swear, I’ve been making a conscious effort lately to try and improve my misanthropic view of humanity, but when shit like this happens, it makes it difficult to believe everyone isn’t just a complete retard ready to brutally murder anyone who gets in the way of their flat screen TV.

If it were up to me these “humans” (and I’m using that term lightly) would be slowly skinned alive and hung from the rafters in Wal-Marts all across America, to remind frenzied consumerist swine everywhere what happens to greedy pigs. This world is bizarre.



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