Ask Slutever



1. I absolutely hate the absurdity and cheap-polyester-dress-American-tradition surrounding Prom, but I feel like I might end up regretting it if I ditch. Plus I don’t have a date and all of my friends do (though their dates are pre-pubescent acne scarred teens who can’t carry a conversation that extends beyond the weather). Is all this trashy and annoying hype overrated, or should I go dateless and probably end up making fun of sluts/hating it? LOSER, Loserville

You have to go! I know Prom is kind of cheesy, but it’s a major “life thing”, and if you don’t go you’ll totally look back and regret being “too edgy” for the prom, even if it doesn’t turn out to be the greatest night of your life a-la teen movies. I went without a date to my prom too, no one cared. An important thing to remember is: everyone only really cares about themselves. Everyone is too busy with their own meaningless problems to be paying attention to you or anyone who isn’t immediately affecting them, and that’s the honest truth. 

Also, having lived in the UK for a while, I know that British people–along with many other people outside the USA–are so jealous that Americans get proms. You’re an American teen, you have to go to prom. That’s what we do here. Just like British teens get pregnant and Jewish girls get nose job


2. Should I shave my pubes for a boy? Does he have the right to ask that? How can I get my plaything to love hair? Bella
Bella, baby, pubes are in right now. Hairless vaginas are for porn stars, babies, and people with tans. Below is some photographic proof that all of the hottest girls on earth love bush.

3. I’m in love with a friend’s boyfriend and he wants me too, I don’t know what to do! Well, I know what I want to do, but not what I should do. I’m kind of the most non-religious person in the world, but I’m really beginning to wonder – will stealing this guy make me burn in hell? Emma, TX

I don’t think this is a question of religion, it’s a question of your character. A good friend would NEVER fuck their friend’s bf! That is fundamental GIRL CODE dude! Don’t you watch Jersey Shore? Jeez! Plus, if this guy wants to fuck you then it sounds like he’s a no good cheating piece of shit anyway. There ARE nice, interesting, intelligent people out there. I know assholes may seem appealing at surface level, but all they’re really good for is a hate fuck. Don’t go for the asshole, and more importantly, don’t BE the asshole!



12 Replies to “Ask Slutever”

  1. Surprisingly solid advice! Don't shave your bush if you don't want to, and don't fuck your friend's boyfriend, you cunt. Why do people like this even have friends?

  2. Not sure about us brits loving prom (the girls like it I suppose) but I'd go.A little bit of hair down there is certainly fine with me as long as its tidy. One of the best things in the world: when a girl is wearing slightly transparent underwear and you can see that hint of darkness…oh golly…

  3. I'm a 21 year old male, so tale this as you will, but I went to prom twice and I sort of regret it. I mean, had I been 'too cool' to go, It'd be whatever. Go if you want, skip if you want, and fuck what you think you'll think in the future

  4. Haha, the minute before I read this I told the guy to fuck off. I didn't really enjoy the idea of being an asshole.

  5. Well ghostface, avoiding thinking about the future is not always the best answer if you don't want to end up a fuck-up with nothing to show for yourself.

  6. another, i think you're referring to what 'b' said, and i don't really think that's what he meant. he said 'fuck what you'll think in the future', not 'fuck thinking about your future'. yep.

  7. one way to get a guy into muff is to ease them in. keep it groomed & tidy. i like it hairless around the lips (especially if you're expecting some oral action) & a triangle on top. but seriously if hair is a deal breaker for a guy then he's not worth yr time.

  8. I went to prom! Without a date. It was everything I expected it to be, another chaperoned dance that almost everyone from high school attended. If you like high school dances, go! If you don't, it's nothing special.As for the boyfriend, well, if he's in a monogamous relationship and is OK hurting his girlfriend, fuck him, that's no one to love. If it's just lust between you two, mebbe he should talk about monogamy with his significant other. Now, polyamory, that's just beyond my poor little brain's comprehension.

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