Ask Slutever

I’m an avid Slutever reader, but I feel like I’m your polar opposite. I’m 17 (female) and am tres sexually inexperienced, but I go to a college where EVERYONE has had sex. I’ve never had a serious boyfriend and the most I’ve done is kiss a boy, but I was dumb and told my new college friends that I wasn’t a virgin, and also there’s this boy I’m dating and he thinks I know a lot about sex, and now I don’t know what to do… xxxx Naomi

Has EVERYONE really had sex, or do you just think they have? As I’ve been trying to get across in my ‘Am I Normal?’ posts, sometimes when you think you’re the only one doing (or not doing) something, really, you’re not. There are probably a lot of people at your college in similar situations to you. Everyone lies about sex all the time (see: faking orgasms, lying about “your number”, exaggerating the size of your dick on gmail chat, etc.). That’s just the way life goes.

And furthermore, 17 is so young! I know you feel ancient and like you should have lost your V-card, like, a million years ago, but you are basically a fetus and need to chill out. You have a million years ahead of you to have intercourse with a million different people. The first time is coming–probably soon–but there is no need to rush it, because as much as The First Time generally turns out to be less important than your virgin mind envisages it, it would suck to have a negative experience just because wanted to “get it over with”.

And lastly, in response to you’re boyfriend thinking you’re experienced, I’m going to let you in on a little secret: sex is not hard. If you have ever seen porn, or a sex scene in a movie, or even if you are blind and have never seen anything ever in your entire life, once you are in a sexual situation, you will be able to figure it out. Basc you just stick it in and then wiggle around a bit. The end. If you don’t want your boyfriend to know you’re a virgin, don’t tell him, and there is no way he will ever know. I guess some girls bleed when they lose their virginity, but you can prevent that but just sticking your fingers in there ahead of time (which you should be doing anyway, because it’s fun or whatever). I wish you the best!

Dear Slutever,

I’m 26 and have been dating a guy for 2 months. I’ve never been the type of girl to buy lingerie or wear sexy underwear–all of my undergarments, and regular clothing for that matter, are pretty standard. But the thing is, this new guy’s ex was a gogo dancer (lol), and I’m embarrassed even typing this, but I feel like I need to step up my game to compare to whatever weird underwear dances she was probably doing for him in the bedroom. Should I start buying lingerie? Is that important to guys? Please help. Karen, OR

This question made me laugh, mainly because I recently asked a similar question to my friend Dev, which you can read about here. If you don’t feel like clicking that link, it went something like this:

Me: Hi, I’m in Victoria’s Secret breathing into a paper bag, trying to decide whether or not to buy this overpriced lingerie. Do guys not even notice stuff like that?

Dev: Seriously, we don’t give a shit! Just get naked!

I think Dev has a point. Unless your underwear is totally gross or unclean, it’s fine. Also it’s probably a really bad idea to compare yourself to a lover’s ex. (Who am I kidding? As if that’s possible.)

However… talking from personal experience, wearing sexy underwear does make me feel sexier. It’s like… you know when you have sex that you’re not expecting to have, so you’re not prepared and are accidentally wearing the gross, stained underwear you normally save for when you’re on your period? And even though he probably doesn’t notice it makes you feel less sexy, which in turn makes you less confident, which makes the sex worse for both parties? Well, I think your situation is similar to this. My advice is, if you are going to be worried about your boring underwear every time you fuck this guy, then just get some new underwear. Nothing too fancy–I suggest either black or red lace bra and panties. Lace is always hot, but without seeming too try hard. And even if he doesn’t notice, it will put your mind at ease and you’ll probs feel like more of a babe. It’s a win win!



10 Replies to “Ask Slutever”

  1. To the girl with the lingerie issues. Because his ex was a go go dancer does not mean she was good in bed. Usually, guys make their ex's super interesting just to make you insecure. It is a very childish way to test you that you like them. If I were you I would do the opposite of his ex. Ignore those stories. The more uninterested you are to please the more he will like you. Boyz are all the same.

  2. I agree with lala. He should not be talking about his ex–NO ONE should ever talk about their ex to a new boyfriend or girlfriend. duh! And if he is that means he's insecure. But yeah, like Lala said, the more u seem liek u don't care the more he will want u to care,

  3. Lingerie girl: if his ex was a gogo dancer, it's possible he's looking for contrast by dating a nice straight laced girl like you. Lots of guys like cute rather than sexy.

  4. I just saw the dreamers! it was really sexy sometimes but the politics were a bit forced! that scene with eva green pretending to be the venus de milo……

  5. To the lingerie girl, I used to be a go-go dancer and at the end of the night those sexy costumes smell like cigarette smoke & BO and thus weren't coming anywhere near the bedroom (and weren't clean again until my next gig). Also generally when you shake your ass for a living, you don't really "bring your work home." So rest assured, she probably didn't do anything fancy. Also, I've had boyfriends more turned on by a cotton thong from american apparel than a $300 set from agent provocateur.

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