Ask Slutever

I’m in a steady long-term relationship with a guy and we both want to have a threesome with another girl. Amazing. I have a girl in mind–a friend of mine–and I discussed it with my bf and he’s pretty into her too. So, how do I propose the idea of having a sexy hotel weekend with me and my boyfriend to her without sounding hella creepy and losing a mate? Seems risky and I’m kinda freaking out about it. Also, what are our alternatives? Would it be better to do this with a random girl than with a friend? Although it’s actually pretty hard for a couple to pick up a random chick, as they’re crazy sought after. Help–tips for a good threesome please! Anonymous Candy

Choosing the right threesome partner is a delicate and complex operation. If you mess it up you could ruin your relationship and life forever.

j/k?

Group sex is cool. I like it in a completely different way than I like “regular” sex. I enjoy the playfulness of it, and the fact that it can be really wild and silly and random, almost like a vacation from the often more emotional/intimate sex had with one partner. I also think that threesomes have the ability to bring couples closer together. When I would have threesomes with my ex, it really felt like something we were doing together–choosing a person to do it with, planning how and where it would happen, discussing it afterward–all of that planning and anticipation became part of our erotic experience. Also, bringing another person into the sexual equation can teach you and your partner things about what each other are into, and it’s just fun to push your sexual boundaries together. (Also, if you’re lazy 3somes are cool because you only have to do half the work, duh.) However, you obviously have to take into account that deciding to have group sex will involve watching the person you love fucking someone else in front of you, and not everyone is necessarily down with that.

In my experience, when having a threesome with someone you’re dating, it’s best not to have the third person be a close friend, or someone who you guys see on a regular basis. It just gets a bit messy, because no matter how open-minded or sexually carefree you are, jealously (annoyingly) does exist, and there might be a moment in your threesome where for whatever reason you feel uncomfortable with what’s happening, and even if five seconds later you don’t care and are having fun again, even that moment of doubt may change the way you feel about your bf or your friend forever. Maybe not, but maybe, ya know? Like you said, it’s a risk. Whereas if you fuck someone who is more removed from your lives, there are less emotions involved in the experience, which allows the threesome to become its own non-reality no-consequence supernatural sex bubble. Or ideally it does, anyway.

Some of the best threesomes I’ve had have been with people visiting from out of town. Those are cool because you’re generally excited to see the person who’s visiting, but then after you fuck them they fly back to wherever it was they came from. So basically, if either you or your bf have a sexy female friend visiting, you should pounce on them. Or, if you want to go a different route and fuck someone totally disconnected from you, you could always find someone online. There are lots of adult dating sites, such as XXX Sex Guides, where you can meet like minded people looking for casual hook-ups (that goes for threesomes or otherwise), which are helpful for finding a “random” to hook up with, without having to be that creep lurking around the bar, trying to lure strangers back to your free-love dungeon.

In terms of how to ask a person for a threesome, I’ve found a good way is to just text them saying, “Hey, you wanna get threesome’d?” It’s best to be casual about these of things. When it comes to group sex, formality can be a bit awkward. And don’t worry about being rejected by the threesome-ee, because they usually say yes. And if they don’t it’s because they’re in a relationship or prude or have herpes.

And lastly, let’s be real, alcohol helps. It takes the edge off, and just generally makes you less inhibited and more horny. Although don’t black out, because memories are good to have sometimes, and don’t pass out, because being a passed-out drooling slob person is neither sexy nor glamorous. No one wants to be asleep at the orgy.

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