By Karley Sciortino / pic Ellen von Unwerth /
It’s good to know what’s going on in the world… ish. From now on, I’m going to help keep you informed on what’s happening outside of your apartment, at least in the world of sex and relationships. Here’s the first installment of my weekly sex roundup! Continue reading “Slutever’s: This Week in Sex News”
By Karley Sciortino /
A couple weeks ago, I took over Purple magazine’s PURPLE TV, with a week of videos on censorship and freedom of expression, curated by me. In case you missed it, I’ve condensed it to my 5 favorite highlights, now watchable below, including an extract of an early Russ Meyer skin flick that helped change the censorship laws in Hollywood, to the activism of early Playboy, to John Waters just being his progressive self… and more!
Censorship has been a hot topic in the media recently—the continuing battle against government censorship of the internet, and the recent UK porn ban are two topics currently under heavy discussion. Sure, we’ve come a quite a way since the time of book burnings, and whitewashing pieces of history from children’s textbooks. We congratulate ourselves for our freedom to speak. And yet on a daily basis we are consuming and sharing information through the heavily patrolled, omnipresent censor-world of social media. Below, I’ve selected five videos that look back at censorship throughout the decades, and the pioneers who helped fight for out freedom of expression. Watch and learn!
1) John Waters on Free Speech and Censorship
This is a speech given by JOHN WATERS—the iconic filmmaker, and one of my heroes—about free speech and censorship. As always, Waters is insightful and so funny, discussing everything from porn, to rap lyrics, to RICHARD PRINCE.
2) Immoral Tales (extract)
WALERIAN BOROWCZYK‘s Immoral Tales (1974) is a series of four erotic short films, strung together into a feature, that tell somewhat bizarre tales of incest, lust, jealousy, masturbation, loss of virginity and bloodlust. Borowczyk made the film as a reaction to censorship laws becoming more lax. This is one of those four shorts, that involves an art-orgy, of sorts. lol.
3) Huge Hefner Interview – Playboy, Activist and Rebel
Today, a lot of people think of HUGH HEFNER as a creepy old man in silk pajamas. What we forget is that Hefner was a major social pioneer of 20th century, as well as a campaigner for freedom of censorship, human rights and abortion rights. This 5 minute news interview is a brief history of the social sexual and values of early Playboy, and even shows Hefner’s romantic side.
4) The Immoral Mr. Teas, by Russ Meyer (Extract)
Directed by the king of sexploitation films, RUSS MEYER, The Immoral Mr. Teas (1959) is about a man who sells dentistry appliances, who sees hot naked women wherever he goes—though only in his imagination. It was the first American movie to show female nudity outside the context of naturalism (i.e. a nudist colony), and is considered to be the first commercially viable American “skin flick.” Its success helped pave the way for more lax censorship rules in Hollywood, which at that point were still enforcing the production code (a code enforced in Hollywood that was intended to uphold “moral standards,” but was essentially just used to censor filmmakers). This film played a big part in liberating Hollywood, and the emergence of more risqué adult cinema from then on.
5) Interview with Margaret Sanger, Pioneer of the Birth Control Movement
MARGARET SANGER was the lead crusader of the birth control movement in America, and is literally the baddest bitch who ever lives. She devoted her life to this fight, and went to jail 8 different times for her efforts. She opened the first control clinic in the United States in 1916 (for which she was quickly jailed), but the organizations she eventually established evolved into Planned Parenthood. Throughout her life, she continually fought censorship in the name of social freedom. This is a 25 minute interview with her from 1957.
Look how cool I look! All the cool kids are wearing vaginas on their chests these days. You should too! Luckily for you, I’m giving away three Slutever vaj tees to the winner of the Slutever Vagina Valentine contest, yay!
Here’s what you have to do to enter:
1. Email a few sentences to karleyslutever@gmail.com about the best or weirdest or most romantic or tragic or grossest or lolzest thing that ever happened to you on Valentine’s Day. It can be a story about a V-day gift you gave someone, a romantic V-day evening you had, a story about how you spent V-day alone with your cats–whatever! However, it has to be 50 words or less. I’m very #busy and #important and don’t have time to read a Valentine’s novel.
2. Sign up to the Slutever newsletter HERE! I promise not to spam you! I only sent them out like twice a month (if that). But you have to be signed up to get a free shirt.
Submissions must be made by the end of this Sunday, Feb 8th. Next week I will publish the 3 best stories on my blog, and the winners will get a vaj tee! If you want to submit but you don’t want your real name published with your story if you win, that’s OK, but just let me know what pseudonym you want to use when you email you story.
As some of you know, I’ve been hosting the new season of the VICE web series, People Who Just Had Sex. The show is sponsored by Tenga, the Japanese sex toy brand. I’m a big fan of Tenga because they make discrete vibrators that aren’t so fucking loud that they ruin the whole experience of sex (as many vibrators do). I also like the aesthetic of Tenga’s toys–for example, they did a line of mens toys that came in Keith Haring-print cases, and a separate line with art by Jiraiya, a famous homoerotic manga artist. Also, the vibrators for girls are really cute, pink, and feel like marshmallows.
Anywayz, the lovely people at Tenga were kind of enough to give me some sex toys to give away to you guys, my readers, as an early Christmas present–yay! The three toys above are what I have to give away. (Note the festive still-life I created in order to display them for you.) All you have to do to be eligible for the giveaway is to sign up for the Slutever newsletter by typing your name and email address where it says “newsletter” on the righthand sidebar of this page. I just recently created the newsletter, and I promise I won’t bombard you with crap, but rather will brighten your email with some sexy sunshine every other week or so.
Here’s what I’m giving away:
1. The large cylindrical toy is the Double Hole Cup. It’s for boys, and it’s basically a fake vagina/butthole that you can fuck from both ends, and each end feels different. It’s also good for gay couples because you can fuck it simultaneously. Watch an instructional video HERE.
2. The egg shaped one is the Egg Cloud. It’s for boys, and it’s basically a super stretchy egg-shaped masturbator that feels like dipping your penis into a cloud, apparently. It looks tiny, but you’d be surprised how much it stretches (I’ve seen it used). Watch an instructional video HERE.
3. The Iroha is a tiny vibrator that’s quiet, which makes it great for use during sex, and it’s also tiny, meaning it’s perfect for tossing in your purse if you’re the type of woman who likes to masturbate on the go. Watch an instructional video HERE.
On Wednesday Dec 5th I will choose the winners at random, and then email the winners for info on where to mail your lovely Christmas gift :)
Pube undies by Marianne Murray (and btw she made these before the whole American Apparel pube mannequin thing)
I have a female friend who I’m at art school with, and she recently started texting me erotic photos and porn, and then last night she texted me asking me to fuck her. I was shocked! I said I couldn’t, but then she responded saying the sex would be incredibly hot and different. I’m confused actually, because I don’t really like her and I wholeheartedly don’t want to have sex, however I know that will make her sad. By the way I’m 26, she’s 21, but I prefer women older than her, like 35-45. What should I do?? Zach
As a general rule, if someone tries to have sex with you, you should have sex with them back–it’s only polite. However, if you wholeheartedly don’t want to, or you have to be somewhere else because of an emergency, etc, then there are methods of getting out of it. For example, why don’t you text her saying, “Hey, no hard feelings but I think we’re better as friends… but maybe you could introduce me to your mother?” Alternatively, if that seems too difficult or insensitive, you could use my preferred method, and the next time she contacts you for sex just say, “Oh shit sorry, I can’t hang tonight, I have a birthday party to go to.” And then the next time she sends you a sexy text, you make a similar excuse, and if all goes to plan she will eventually just gets the hint and stop sexting, allowing you to ease with only mild awkwardness back into the friend zone, after which you can both pretend like the whole thing never happened, even though you’ll both always remember that it did, and it will probably be somewhere in the back of your minds every time you speak to each other from now until eternity.
I’m a 19 year old French girl, and I’m wondering: Do you ever feel bad after a one night stand? I’ve had a few in the past couple months and I just hate the feeling afterwards, like the guys didn’t take my number and it made me feel like an “easy girl.” It’s not like I expect guys to fall in love with me just because we have sex, lol, but I still feel disappointed afterwards, like I’m not “the one.” You might think, “You’re just not cut out for one night stands,” however when I’m in the moment I feel good, and very sure of myself. The weirdness and regret only come the day after. How do I cope with that? Also, do you think you have to to wait to have sex to form a lasting relationship? AnnaMaria
Well, I have a few ideas about this. First of all, most people have experienced feeling not-the-best after a one night stand, because things that seem like good ideas in the early hours of the morning often reveal themselves to be unnecessary acts of stupidity and desperation the following day (especially when you’re riding the subway home in painful high-heels, covered in the bodily secretions of a mediocre stranger). So you’re not totally alone there. However, this is 2014: you don’t have to wait for a guy to ask you for your number! Especially if he’s already been inside you, for pete’s sake. Have you ever considered that after you parted ways, your one-night-stands might be wondering why you didn’t ask for their info? The morning after a random hook-up is a vulnerable moment for both parties, so you can’t put all the responsibly on the guy. However, it’s also important to consider: Did you really want to see those guys again, or did you just want them to want to see you, for the sake of your own ego?
I generally think that regret is counter-productive, because there’s no use wasting time feeling sorry for yourself about a past decision that you can’t change. Deal with it, it’s been done, move on with your life. However, when regret is useful is when you find yourself continuously regretting the same behavior, because then regret becomes a warning sign that you need to change something. I’m not suggesting that you’re not cut out for causal sex all together, but it does seem like the way you’re engaging in casual sex isn’t working out for you, and something needs to be adjusted.
Casual sex has the power to make you feel totally amazing and satisfied, but it can also make you feel like a piece of shit. The difference in results usually has to do with the person’s motivation–i.e., are you having casual sex for the “right reasons” or the “wrong reasons”? You know it’s a “right reason” when your decision to have sex is very clear and autonomous. For example: you (soberly) find someone attractive and interesting and want them inside you; you’re curious and want to explore your sexuality, and think anonymous sex is an important experience to have; or, you’re horny and want to experience something new and different. Now, here’s some “wrongs reasons”: peer pressure; because you’re drunk; pressure from a guy; or, because you’re secretly hoping that the sex will lead to something more serious, while pretending to yourself and your partner that the encounter is purely physical and fun. And judging by your question, I think that last “wrong reason” might be the case for you.
I don’t think you have to wait to have sex to form a lasting relationship. However, I also think that drunkenly fucking guys and then not making an effort to get their phone number is not the best way to get a boyfriend. Your behavior is making you feel bad so you should try something different and see if it makes you feel good! Go out with someone from OKCupid, don’t blackout, wait a few dates to have sex, and who knows… maybe something ~magical~ will happen, lol.
I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for a couple months and I’m happy about the relationship, however when it comes to sex… well I’m kinda new at these things. He does everything perfectly to me and I’m satisfied, but I have no idea how to please him. I’m scared that if I suck his dick, for example, I’ll look like a complete slut, and I don’t want that! What should I do? Quinn
OK what? On one hand, it’s nice to know that people like you can still exist in the modern world. However on the other hand I feel scared about your cluelessness and think you need to watch some porn right now. I guarantee your boyfriend watches porn–or at least he has in his lifetime a considerable amount of times–so this will give you some insight into what’s going on in his mind when he jerks-off and/or thinks about sex. After you’ve watched a woman with bad plastic surgery being anally gang-banged and then bukakke’d by a group of prison inmates, you’ll understand why the image of your girlfriend giving you a blow-job could never be seen as slutty, but only as a gesture of true affection and intimacy (even if you’re making porn-face). While pornography is pretty well known to misinform men as to how to please a woman (i.e. “the easiest way to make a girl cum is to bend her over, smack various parts of her body with your hands and then vaginally spear her without foreplay”), porn can still be a good source of basic information–i.e. what goes where, possibilities of positions, etc–and it will likely inspire you with some sexy ideas.
If after that you’re still paralyzed in bed, why don’t you just ask your boyfriend, “What do you like?” or “How can I please you?” Sometimes the hardest-seeming problems have the simplest solutions! Of course, when asking questions like these, delivery is important. Try not to scream the question or to sound overly panicked. Rather, if you make your voice sound all breathy and comforting, like Scarlett Johansson’s voice-over in Her, I’m almost positive you’ll get the response you’re looking for.
P.S. I originally wrote this post for Vice
My friends Alexandra Roxo and Natalia Leite–the writers/directors/stars of the upcoming web show Be Here Nowish, which I’ve written about in the past and also play a part in–have made a new documentary series for VICE. It’s called Every Woman and each episode follows the girls on a different gonzo-journo adventure, as they investigate what life is like for women in various professions around America. In episode 1 they travel to New Mexico to walk in the shoes/heels of a group of truck stop strippers. You can watch the trailer above.
Everyone knows that having an extensive IRL vocabulary of the newest internet slang will help you to make friends and trap sexual partners. Thankfully, my friend(ish) Nimrod Kamer has made an instructional video about today’s coolest youthisms, specially for Slutever. Alongside him is the wonderful Sophie Wilkinson. Watch and learn guys!
If you’re unfamiliar with Mr. Kamer, he’s a dialect-oracle, meme-prophet and social media climber who writes about all that’s hot and modern–for example Twitter etiquette, the correct usage of the finger hashtag, and how to blackmail celebities using Wikipedia–for places like Wired, The Huffington Post, and VICE. He also gave an extremely inspirational TED talk about Wikipedia, called “Wikiedit The Change You Want To See In This World.” Great title, huh? I am honored to say that Nimrod is now a contributor to Slutever.
Come to the Body Actualized Center in Bushwick tonight for the “Future of Love: From Sex to Superconsciousness” symposium! I’m going be speaking on a panel with Daniel Pinchbeck, Labanna Babalon, and other sexologists, artists, tantrickas, philosophers, dommes, healers, etc. I’ll also be screening a video on “BDSM for the bedroom” and giving a little live Dominatrix performance as well. lol! CUM ALONG!
Hey Sluts! Lots going on this V-day! Turns out sex bloggers are hot commodities on this grand, commercial day of love. Here’s what I’ll be up to over the next couple of days. It would be great if you could join me!
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Tonight I’m hosting a pre-Valentines Day film night at the Spectacle Theater–an art cinema in Williamsburg, Brooklyn. I’ll be showing a collection of classic erotic shorts, stag films, some of my fave sex scenes from movies, some random arty sexy stuff, and I’ll also be debuting a new romantic short film I made :) And all of this will only cost you $5! Showtimes at 8pm and 10pm. And don’t worry, we won’t be showing any actual porn or anything “too sexy,” because that would be #awkward.
Then tomorrow night (V-day!) at 7pm I’ll be reading a sexy short story at this erotic reading in Manhattan. Flyer above. I’ll be reading along with some other hotties from publications like Jezebel, Thought Catalog, Fleshbot, and more. I’ll be one of the first people to read so cum early :)
And finally, later tomorrow evening I will be a guest on the very funny, live comedy show Running Late with Scott Rogowsky, at the People’s Improv Theatre in Manhattan. I’ll be giving out some special V-Day dating advice (lol) and showing a clip from the VICE Slutever show. See you there! <3
Pic @ Jonathan Leder
Read my latest advice column, originally for Jezebel!
I’m a 26-year-old European exchange student currently studying in the US for five months. I have a (relatively new) boyfriend back home who I’m totally into, and before I left we agreed to be monogamous. But now I have a dilemma: I love Chatroulette, and I usually skip over the random masturbating men, but recently I’ve been fantasizing about not skipping over the dicks and engaging in some hot, anonymous Chatroulette-cybersex. Would that be cheating? I want to think not, but I also realize it’s different than porn — it’s an actual sexual interaction with another human being. My boyfriend and I Skype sometimes, but it hasn’t turned into Skype-sex. And besides, the fantasy is more about the anonymity of it. So: cheating or not-cheating?
–G
Well, the concept of “cheating” is subjective, as it completely depends on the boundaries you’ve set with your partner. I realize that probably sounds like moralistic, guidance counselor speak — like as if any couple actually gets together and says, “Hey! Let’s spend the evening drawing out a detailed map of our relationship’s boundaries! BYOCrayons!” However, if you and your boyfriend engage in a reasonable level of communication, then you should hopefully have an understanding of what you both want and expect out of the relationship.
Think of it this way: some people (AKA prudes and religious freaks) think that simply watching porn is cheating. Others consider masturbation cheating, because they support that whole “But what were you thinking about?” argument. (Like as if anyone actually masturbates to the person they’re dating—idiots.) Then, there are people on the other side of the spectrum—for example people in open-relationships—who are totally cool with their significant other taking part in the casual gangbang. Basically, when it comes to cheating, there’s much room for interpretation. In my opinion, the best way to answer these types of moral questions is to reverse the situation in your head, and then think about how you would feel if he did the same thing to you. Would you be OK with your bf jerking-off with some random internet ho? I think the answer to your question lies in your response.
On another note: Bitch, you crazy. Why the heck would you agree to be monogamous with someone you just met, right before you moved to a foreign country for five months?! Five months is sooo long. I wouldn’t be surprised if your vagina sews itself shut by the time you get back. You’re in a new country, meeting lots of new people (AKA a new crop of human dildos), so why limit your potential experiences by devoting yourself to someone you barely know? Do you love this guy? If you do, OK fine, but if not I advise that you wait until your journey abroad is over before putting your vagina on a diet.
Ever since I started having sex I’ve always shaved my vagina without even thinking about it. It may look a bit nicer, but it’s a pain in the ass having to plan ahead and make sure you’re pristinely smooth every time there’s the possibility of sex. I don’t know if I’d like it grown out, but I think I want to try it. But I’m terrified the guy I’m sleeping with will freak out! It’s my body so I can do whatever with it, but should I tell/ask him about it before the experiment begins? Where do you stand on the ‘to shave or not to shave’ debate?
-Reba
Don’t shave. Shaving is for girls in spaghetti strap tank tops who love tanning and have that mysterious type of hair that’s like vaguely crunchy but also somehow permanently wet?? (How the fuck do they do that by the way?) Seriously, every time I see a completely shaved vaj all I can think about is the skin on an uncooked chicken leg—you know what I mean? Like all fleshy and raw, and covered in little bumps. That is not glamorous. When a guy looks at your vagina you want him to be thinking about a mysterious cave of unknown pleasures, not how good it would taste with BBQ sauce.
Shaving is OK for porn stars, because porn is exaggerated and separate from real life (i.e. a realm where it’s totes casual to look into the depths of someone’s gaping butthole), so it’s OK for porn vaginas to be over-exposed and vaguely grotesque. That’s hot in porn world. It’s also fine to shave if you’re a teenager, because teenagers are clueless and haven’t worked out what looks good on them yet. (Also, teenage boys are idiots and generally can’t figure out where the clit is, so it’s probably best not to make things even more difficult with additional hair obstacles.) We all shaved our vaginas in high school, just like we all wore Uggs and got zebra stripe highlights and thought Kelly Clarkson had a “cool, funky style.” But now we’re older and wiser, and this sort of aesthetic ignorance is just unacceptable.
Do not ask the guy you are sleeping with about this, because his opinion doesn’t matter. Listen to me, because I know everything: The premium bush style is a well-groomed triangle. Keep the hair around the lips too — why not? — but remember to wax your butthole for the love of god. For vagspiration, think 80s Madonna circa her Sex Book (#IconicVaj), 60s Jane Birkin (#VintageVaj), Chloe Sevigny (#IndieVaj), and Kate Moss (#ModelVaj). Basically, classy adult women do not shave their vaginas.
Dear Slutever, I am a 26-year-old boy, and though I’m not a virgin, I am terribly inexperienced. I’ve recently started seeing a girl (yay!), however I’ve been having a little ejaculation problem. The problem isn’t that I cum too quickly, but rather that I stay hard all night and can’t ejaculate! It’s no problem for me to get hard, and stay hard, but it just requires too much mentally and physically for me to reach the point of orgasm. Am I not emotionally connecting? Is my problem psychological? Should I find some way to ‘sensitize’ myself?
Yours,
M
There are lots of reasons why you might be experiencing jizz problems. Medically speaking, the condition of not being able to orgasm is called anorgasmia, and it can be brought on by a variety of factors. For example: a lack of comfort with intimacy or physical contact, past history of sexual abuse or trauma, disease, trust or communication issues with a partner, the use of SSRIs (commonly prescribed for depression), or — ta da! — anxiety. From what you wrote, it sounds like you’re just experiencing some nerves. You’ve got virgin-vibes and are sort of freaking-out about it, but that’s fine, because over time you’ll learn things and gain confidence. And also, it’s important to remember that you can still have sex that’s hot and fun and rewarding, even without an orgasm. Duh, us girls do it all the time! (And we hate you for it.)
On another note, have you ever thought about just faking it? Under normal circumstances I would say faking orgasms is a bad idea — for both boys and girls — because you don’t want to build a sexual relationship around something that’s false. However, if the not-cumming thing is really stressing you out, then maybe pretending a couple times will help take the edge off a little bit. And who knows, maybe just knowing that you can fake it, as a last resort, will ease your mind enough that you’ll be able to cum for real. (Although if you are going to fake it, remember to use a condom, otherwise your gf will be all like, “Uh, where’s the smoothie?”)
And lastly, this might be a shot in the dark, but your inability to cum could also be due to over-enthusiastic masturbation. Dan Savage talks about this a lot — about how over stimulation from watching a lot of hardcore porn, or from squeezing your dick too tightly while jerking-off, can lead to problems reaching orgasm when faced with an actual human vagina. In the words of Savage, you have to vary your routine: left hand, right hand, a little lube, a lot of lube, firm grip, loose grip. You don’t want to ruin yourself for partnered sex by using the “death grip” — a fist clenched tighter than any human throat or pussy can clench — during solo sex.
