Friends I’ll Never Meet: Anthony

Anthony has been in a wheelchair since he was thirteen, after a tumor on his cervical spine caused him to lose his ability to walk. About a month ago we became internet/phone friends after he responded to a Craigslist ad I posted, searching for strangers to have weird sex conversations with (as one does). We recently had a lengthy discussion about all the good/bad/kinky/scary things that go along with having sex as a wheelchair user. Anthony is from Guyana and currently lives in Brooklyn, New York.

When was the first time you had sex?

Before the tumor I had fooled around with girls, but never full on fucking. For seven years afterward I wasn’t sexually active, as I was always home in bed or in a hospital somewhere, and didn’t have the independence to get around. When I was twenty I moved from Guyana to America to attend a rehab facility. I got to know a lot of people there, which helped my sexual confidence. I lost my virginity at 20 to a staff member at the rehab facility. We fucked in an exam room.

Does the idea of being with someone who fetishizes disabled people turn you off, or are you into it?

I don’t have a problem with it. Some people are against that, but if it’s directed at me then sure, game on! If I like the person too, obviously.

Have you ever been with someone who was really turned on by your disability, and wanted to play it up while having sex?

For sure. When I was 21 I was in a serious relationship with a woman eight years older than me who was really into people in wheelchairs, really into people with disabilities—just into the culture in general. That’s not all she was about, but it was a large part of her.

What was she into sex wise?

She liked accompanying me to the restroom, sitting on me in public, things like that. We fucked in the chair a lot. I guess she felt my wheelchair made me easily accessible, and easy to dominate.

Anything else kinky?

She liked having sex in public. The first time it happened we were by the waterside on the East River. She was wearing a summery dress and sitting on my lap, and she covered me with her dress and pulled down my pants, and the next thing I knew I was inside her. She was putting on a show as well. To be honest, people tend to avoid staring at people in wheelchairs—it makes them uncomfortable—so in a way it makes me inconspicuous. I can get away with more. Also, sitting on the lap of someone in a wheelchair looks pretty innocent.

So did you have sex in public often?

Sort of, yeah. We did it at parties, in parks, in movie theatres, places like that. Sometimes in her office. We did it so many times that after a while it just became normal.

That’s hot. Are there any other sexual perks to being in a wheelchair?

When I used to go to strip clubs in college I definitely got special attention because of the chair. Dancers would step down off the stage onto me and onto the chair. I don’t seek out the special attention, but I enjoy it immensely.

Can you think of a specific occasion where it was a plus?

Once I was at a club with some friends and there was a dance competition happening on the stage with girls in bikinis. I couldn’t see anything because I was seated, obviously, and my buddy was trying pretty unsuccessfully to push me through the crowd. Then some drunk guy randomly pushed in front of us and started leading the way, shouting, “LAST WISHES! LET HIM THROUGH! MAN NEEDS TO SEE SOME PUSSY TONIGHT! LAST WISHES!”

Oh my god that’s kind of dark.

It was sort of dark, yeah. But it worked. I got right to the front.

And what about the negatives? Is your disability ever a sexual hindrance?

There are obviously limitations. Like OK, I can’t stand up, but there is so much more that can be done, ya know? I work with what I have. There have been points in my life when I wasn’t strong enough to be “on top,” but I’ve found that women really like to be on top anyway, so it works out.

How often do you masturbate?

Do you want to hear something weird about my history with masturbation? I never masturbated until I was 20 years old, after I was already sexually active.

WHAT?! How is that possible? What about all the horny teen years?

Well I was in the hospital for all of them. I had no privacy. After the tumor I was never alone, not even in the bathroom or shower. I always needed assistance. I knew what masturbation was, and of course I would get turned on at an intimate moment in a film or a book or whatever, but I could never do anything about it.

What about at night? Surely you were alone when you were sleeping.

I was, yeah. But then what? I couldn’t move. Think about the situation in the morning…

Oh shit. Yeah, embarrassing. So when you finally masturbated at 20 was your mind blown by the infinite possibilities of autoeroticism?

Sort of. It happened in the rehab facility in America. I had grown strong enough to shower by myself, and I was sitting in the bath and the water from the pipe was coming down onto my penis, and I started getting harder and harder, and then finally I just exploded. Masturbation became more frequent after that…

Have you ever had sex with someone disabled?

No.

Would you be interested in it?

It’s not something I’m against. When I like someone I like them regardless of their situation. Sure, it would be easier for me to date someone without a disability, but I can think of harder things in life.

Have you ever considered joining a dating website geared specifically toward disabled people?

I’ve tried it. I ended up meeting with a woman who had a disability—her hands weren’t formed properly. We liked each other, but there just wasn’t any real fire.

What’s your ultimate sexual fantasy?

To sleep with more than one woman at once.

Group sex, always lolz. What’s your favorite sexual position?

I love it when a girl is on top facing away from me. It’s a good view. Reverse Cowgirl, I think it’s called. I’m also into mutual masturbation. To see a woman pleasuring herself really turns me on. Even though you’re not necessarily touching the other person it’s still very intimate.

Do you have a girlfriend at the moment?

No. I was out of commission for a while after getting pneumonia this past December. On Saturday I went out in Manhattan for the first time since being sick for something that wasn’t a hospital check up. I’m getting myself together slowly.

Have you ever slept with a guy?

No, it’s not something I think about really. I like women, probably too much.

Did you find it weird that I approached you specifically to talk about sex?

Not really. I like the idea of someone trying to get inside me head regarding my sexuality. I think often people regard people with disabilities as being nonsexual, but that’s not so, and I think it’s important that people realize that.

So you’re saying you think people write you off sexually because you’re in a wheelchair?

The thing is, you can’t really tell what others are thinking unless you get the chance to speak to them. I have no control over my situation, so I just do my thing and try not to let it get to me.

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