I hereby introduce you to Slutever, a new fuzzy, lo-fi garage band with edgy lyrics who don’t give a fuck about stuff. Like we need another one of those. Slutever is Rachel and Nicole from Philadelphia. At first I despised Slutever because they totally jacked my name. (Just to clarify, my blog existed long before the band and is far more culturally relevant.) However, I recently gave in and listened to their music, and, though I hate to admit it, it’s not as horrendous as I originally predicted. Their self-released debut EP, Sorry I’m Not Sorry, is now available for free download HERE. It’s pretty cool, you should download it. Or not. Slutever.

Are you guys lesbians? You look like lesbians.
Nicole: No, I’m into boys, but I won’t hesitate to tell a girl she’s cute if she is.

Rachel: I’m boy crazy and fall in love with any gangly, smelly, grungy boy that passes me on the street. I’m also super into the dude from Breaking Bad with cerebral palsy, and love dudes who stutter, so I feel like my type is pretty similar to yours, Karley. I only like extremely awkward and emotionally unstable boys.

I swear a year ago fucking guys with cerebral palsy was super edgy. Now every lesbian in an indie band wants a boyfriend who’s part retarded. What do you know!? Anyway, have you fucked each other yet?
Nicole: We totally made out in a hot tub once. It was my 19th birthday and we were playing spin the bottle with a bunch of friends. For some reason, everyone flipped the fuck out and got all excited when my bottle landed on Rachel. My friend was pouring out water all over our heads the whole time we were kissing. It ended the game. It was weird.

That’s vaguely hot. So, do you guys get lots of compliments on the band name that you stole from me?
Nicole: Yes, totally.

Rachel: Our name is probably the only reason people like us.

You said it, not me. What does Slutever mean to you?
Nicole: Slutever can be apathetic, or aggressive just as easily. As a band name it pretty much reiterates whatever our songs are trying to say. Probably because “slutever” is how I feel about almost everything. It’s dirty and it’s whatever and it’s my life.

Where did you first hear the word? I stole it from my friend Josh who used to say it in high school instead of ‘whatever’ because it sounded more lolz.
Nicole: I saw the word on a friend’s Facebook as a picture caption and instantly realized that it was the perfect band name for us. It just is!

Rachel: Honestly, if our band name wasn’t Slutever it would probably just be What The Fuck.

How long do you plan on being a band for? Because I keep getting Google alerts that I think are for my blog but are actually just about you, which is super annoying!
Nicole: Oh god, fuck those Google alerts. I seriously don’t care if ALICIA IS THE BIGGEST SLUT EVER. You’re gonna have to cope with band-related hits for a while, though. Slutever forever!

Gay. So, you’re playing at Vassar College soon. That’s like 2 minutes from where I grew up, and it’s where my mom works! Maybe I’ll come and we can hang out and do some 3-way scissoring and then cuddle and then start a 3-way relationship. Would you be into that?

Nicole: Yeah sure, why not? Slutever!

You guys are such sluts! I love you!