Gay Porn

Jack, Mavi, Little Matthew

“…Uhhhh, wait… what was I talking about? Umm… fuck, shit, I can’t remember… whatever.” Bunny’s laid out on the floor, faded jeans and a shredded white T-shirt, his face buried in a copy of The P.I.X fanzine. “Oh, yeah… uuhhh, like… lube is expensive, right?”

“Umm… yeah,” answers Mavi, lazily. Mavi’s our newest friend. She’s from Italy, speaks really loudly, and has a shaved head apart from a single ponytail that sprouts from the tippy top of her skull. “Wait… what did you say? I wasn’t listening.”

“What, me?” asks Bunny, not looking up. He looks fucked. He always looks fucked. He’s not, though—he’s just really good at making himself appear only half there. “Uhh… I can’t remember. Oh, yeah… whatever, uh, like, lube is expensive.”

“Oh… yeah,” agrees Mavi. “Wait, what’s lube again?” Her English is kinda shit. “Oh, no wait, never mind… I know what that is.”

The two of them sit in silence, not looking at each other, thinking about either sex or Tyra Banks or nothing. After about ten minutes Bunny sits up, brushing his long blond hair from his face. “If you’re going to make a gay porn you’re gunna need a lot of lube, right?” he says to me.

“It’s soft core,” I say. “There’s not going to be any actual fucking. I mean, unless the guys want to, but I doubt that, considering most of the boys I’ve cast have been straight.” I look at him. His glazed-over eyes are fixed on the floor. “Why, you wanna be in it?”

“Uh… no,” says Bunny. “But I’ll help, like, hold the camera or whatever.”

“”I’ll help cast it,” says Mavi. She looks turned on.

“I’ll style it,” chirps in Little Matthew. He’s wearing a floor length Balenciaga gown, four inch heals and a black feather headdress. “Does this outfit make me look famous?”

If you haven’t already clock on, my latest ambition in life is to become a pornographer. I do this about every six months—find a new “life goal” with which to obsess over. Last time it was winning the X Factor. This time it’s, well, gay porn.

“I want it to be really hot,” I say, “like scarily hot. The guys need to be really thin, pretty, sort of androgynous looking. They can be gay or straight, but if they’re gay they can’t be too camp. I want to capture the act of two boys exploring each other, maybe even for the first time. And for this to work it has to be real. I don’t mind if it looks awkward, it just has to be, you know, beautiful.”

“…Uhhh yeah… wait, what? Oh yeah, umm… yeah whatever that sounds cool I guess,” says Bunny. He sounds kind of disinterested and like he doesn’t care, but that’s just his thing. I think it’s because his parents didn’t love him when he was a kid or something. “Where are we gunna film it?”

“In our squat, on my bed,” I say. I’m picturing two half naked boys on my bed, kissing, touching each other. It’s hot.

“Well if we’re going to make a gay porn, we should probably watch some gay porn for inspiration, right?” says Mavi. I nod in agreement and she walks off to get her computer. She returns and we spend the next two hours on Cam4.com watching hot guys fuck. When it’s over Mavi turns to me and says, “That was cool, but our porn is going to have more, you know, LOVE in it, right?” And I say “Yeah, it is.”

Pics from Tyranny of Planets

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