Getting Real

August 25, 2011

Dear virtual BFFs,

I think it’s about time I gave you an update on my life. I realize that for the past, well, year or so I haven’t been writing as much about myself, or my everyday endeavors and/or “feelings” as explicitly as I used to, and I think it’s time for a change. 

When I started this blog four years ago, I had no secrets. Admittedly, my over-sharing cost me a couple friendships, as it took me a while to work out that not everyone wants the details of private life blogged about on the interweb. But now I feel like I’ve gone to the other extreme and hardly talk about myself or the people close to me at all, and when I do it’s in the form of really vague, “deep” short-story vibe posts that are cool too but are different from the confessional diary-style posts of yesteryear.

Why am I thinking about this now? Well, I was reading Tavi’s blog this morning, and my eyes were welling up with tears of joy as usual, and I started thinking: why do I love this blog so much? Sure, I like seeing pictures of her in cool outfits and reading all of her real-talk fashion musings, but that’s not really why I keep going back to Style Rookie. The real reason Tavi’s blog is so addictive/powerful is because she shares everything with us, even if it’s embarrassing or uncool, and in the end we really feel like we know her and how her teenage brain works. We see pieces of ourselves reflected in her idiosyncrasies and insecurities, and it makes us feel more comfortable in our own bodies and minds to know that we are not alone. Really, I don’t know where I’d be without her.

So, the new goal is to find a happy medium where I can talk about my issues/desires/problems honestly (without offending anyone), and also interview deaf people who fuck aliens or whatever it is I’m into these days. Deal? OK.









 I wish I was Anna Karina circa 1961

So… news! I work part time at a Chinese food restaurant, which is invigorating. Basically writing pays really badly, and I was sick of not being able to afford cheese and having to steal my underwear from H&M, so I needed to get another job. At first I was kind of embarrassed to write about it, but then I was like, ‘Wait, when did I become so vein that I can’t admit to spending most of my Saturday nights serving drunk people fried rice?’ Man… I should have been a DJ.

Also, I have a boyfriend. His name is Hamilton and I used to internet stalk him kind of, and then one time I awkwardly hung out in front of his apartment in a wedding dress, and then somehow I convinced him to date me. He must be stupid. I was always afraid to write his name on here for some reason; I guess I felt like it would jinx it. But as someone who is constantly writing about boys and dating and being obsessed with people, it seems silly to be weirdly secretive about that. 

Also, I’ve been really sick with a kidney infection these past couple weeks. Ugh, so gross! I had to cancel appointments with a couple of my domme clients, because obvs they can’t drink my infected urine. #LifeIsHard

And lastly, I live in New York now, and have for over a year. Not sure that’s clear, since a lot of my email friends seem to be confused and want to organize London hangouts. But like hello, I’ve moved on. (P.S. Actually what really happened was that I got deported because I was living there without a visa. See, sharing!)

Thank you and goodnight. 



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  • Reply a w August 25, 2011 at 7:44 pm

    karley, you are my tavi

  • Reply Marion August 25, 2011 at 7:53 pm

    I think I speak for most of us when I say we had guessed who your boyfriend was. Or maybe I've been stalking you much more than I thought.

  • Reply vvvv August 25, 2011 at 9:32 pm

    this made me so incredibly happy, completely and totally, permanently and without hope, forever and ever I love Karley, and that's enough.

  • Reply stalker # 999 August 25, 2011 at 9:36 pm

    out of the closet finally! midget midget! rubber rubber!

  • Reply stalker # 999 August 25, 2011 at 9:43 pm

    and drink industrial amounts of cranberry juice for the infection

  • Reply Aimee August 25, 2011 at 10:35 pm

    aww, good for you karley!

  • Reply Beee August 25, 2011 at 10:52 pm

    …I hadn't guessed about the boyfriend…I thought it was Bunny!!

  • Reply R August 26, 2011 at 12:08 am

    Yeah it was clear he was your boyfriend after you described him as a dying bird.

  • Reply Dolly August 26, 2011 at 12:17 am

    I love reading your blog Karley. it seems like you and i would be mates irl.such a shame you moved out of london just as i was moving inand i'll probably never live in new york.. as ace as that would be- i think american food 24/7 would make me into a BBW or someshitdoes your boyfriend mind you having clients?email me, you seem fun

  • Reply your mom (not really) August 26, 2011 at 1:56 am

    I'm glad you've decided to cut yourself open again and let us see what's inside. also, it makes me really happy that you and hamilton are together. i used to read your posts about your mad infatuation with him and couldn't help but being able to relate to you. welcome back.

  • Reply popcorn August 26, 2011 at 2:34 am

    She's Bunny's fag hag, not girlfriend.

  • Reply sarah August 26, 2011 at 2:39 am

    You actually have been pretty confessional as far as your dom adventures go. I kinda figured that you were talking about Hamilton in your past posts. I really love your videos and I wish you made them longer. Perhaps you can give us a tour of your apartment or something, I think we got used to seeing home pics especially during the squally days.

  • Reply w August 26, 2011 at 2:59 am

    we love you karley!!! when people ask me who's my favorite artist I always answer karley sciortino I now ur not actually an artist but reading slutever is definetely as life changing as seeing a ron mueck in real life . <3

  • Reply Grace August 26, 2011 at 3:13 am

    This has made my week, I have missed your personal posts. You are my favourite thing to read ever, thank you Karley. Love always and 4eva.

  • Reply George August 26, 2011 at 3:18 am

    Yayy!! I'm really looking forward to your new posts! Also, you're videos are always really funny you should make more!!

  • Reply lala August 26, 2011 at 5:52 am

    You rock !!! I also suffer of kidney infections and kidney stones. You can find it in Whole Foods it is call Stone breaker. If you take it on a daily basis it will clean your kidneys. Besides that it has other great properties.

  • Reply lala August 26, 2011 at 5:54 am

    Karly you are pretty awsome all the way

  • Reply SLUTEVER August 26, 2011 at 6:20 am

    Thanks for all the love in the comments! Seriously, it made my day. Also thanks for all the kidney-related advice :)

  • Reply Kronsteen August 26, 2011 at 9:08 am

    That sucks. Still it's cool that you got your dream dude though. . I'm actually crying as I read this but that is only because I have pink eye and have pus tears.

  • Reply Ling-ling August 26, 2011 at 9:35 am

    I love this.

  • Reply xoxo August 26, 2011 at 11:22 am

    Karley, way to go! It's my first comment here but needless to say this post pretty much resumes everything I like about your blog and your life – no fucking pretentiousness around! It is like it is.

  • Reply boy August 26, 2011 at 8:38 pm

    "karley, you are my tavi"this^ being able to write about the weird stuff *and* having to work at a Chinese restaurant is what makes some blogs really special to people.

  • Reply orsolya August 27, 2011 at 12:07 am

    I wash rich bitches hair at a salon for money.I am hopelessly in love with one of my sexy bosses whom I drunkenly kissed at our Christmas party in front of his boyfirend of 15 years. Yesterday my sexy boss had a rosary dangling out of the front pocket of his tight black jeans, the crucifix dangling right near his pierced penis. It did things to me! :O I also offer B/D hair cutting for subbie clients, gagged and straighjacketed.I am doing my Masters in Philosophy for reasons unknown.I am going on a date Sunday, to the CNE which is a big fair here in Toronto with fried foods and ferris wheels and all that, with a live male submissive latex doll that I've been sexually harassing on collarme.com for the past four months.***I love your blog Karley!*** Sharing is caring ;)XXXOOO -Orsolya.

  • Reply Hannah August 27, 2011 at 3:06 am

    HAMILTON MORRIS? Purrfffect couple!

  • Reply rolypoly August 27, 2011 at 3:38 am

    Karley this makes me so happy! Thanks for sharing again! It's why I love you so. And, you are my Tavi too.

  • Reply sid August 27, 2011 at 4:17 am

    HELP ME SLUTEVER! I'm trying to e-stalk Patrick White (Rodeo in Wild Tigers I Have Known) but I can't find him anything on him );

  • Reply rumer August 27, 2011 at 7:28 am

    so, have you met his papi yet or what what's the deal

  • Reply Veronika August 27, 2011 at 9:03 am

    Agree with the fellow TRUE FAN who said that the "sick bird" line (plus several appearances in your videos) gave away your secret boyfriend.* I've been reading this blog for a while and it's nice to hear some 4realz shit (although the freaks/confessions in the past year from other people are priceless treasures). It's really refreshing to hear you talk about your day/saturday night job. *this isn't creepy because i'm attractive/have a vagina amirite. Basically there are blogs that I read, and then there is slutever, and i love you and oh god this is a long comment i feel like phillip seymour hoffman being pathetically gay in boogie nights don't ever change you're beautiful

  • Reply Madeleine August 27, 2011 at 10:06 am

    DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY READING THIS MADE ME?! i don't care if everyone else was too intelligent and figured out who your boyfriend was, because i never put two and two together and this has blown. my. mind. also he is adorable and the exact embodiment of your type, so i can sooooo creepily voyeuristically happy for you!this is on par with me getting with danny pudi or someone. you are officially a one-way long-distance will-never-ever-meet friend, in my mind. awesome.

  • Reply meg August 28, 2011 at 12:17 am

    You are my Tavi too! So glad this is back. <3<3

  • Reply z August 28, 2011 at 1:52 am

    jaaa, i love you too. and "these" posts

  • Reply P August 28, 2011 at 2:14 am

    I LOVE YOU. YOU ARE LIKE MY TAVI. AND I LOVE YOUR PERSONAL POSTS (cause mainly I live vicariously through them).

  • Reply blerg August 28, 2011 at 4:24 am

    your blog is perfect i love it.

  • Reply rutr August 28, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    I love you, Karley. You're sweet, funny and beautiful. I wish you were my friend irl. I'm pretty lonely in my own world. No friends. Your blog makes me happy.

  • Reply cooper August 28, 2011 at 2:04 pm

    the queen is back

  • Reply dani August 30, 2011 at 5:51 am

    so like tell you're boyfriend to make some new videos or something, duh

  • Reply dani August 30, 2011 at 5:52 am

    *your. ack

  • Reply grill August 30, 2011 at 8:39 am

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6T1GlvmeQS8i hope he makes you feel POWERFUL.

  • Reply Timmy August 30, 2011 at 3:25 pm

    luh you gurl!

  • Reply L August 31, 2011 at 12:15 am

    I just said "oh my god!" out loud when i read that you were dating hamilton. fan girling you is the weirdest kind of fan girling.

  • Reply L August 31, 2011 at 12:16 am

    (in a good way)

  • Reply VV September 2, 2011 at 5:45 pm

    Karley thank you so much for posting this I really missed your personal posts!! <3 you foreverrr

  • Reply kylie September 3, 2011 at 6:08 am

    You and Hamilton are so beautiful together. I hope you two get married and have tonnes of kids and all that grossky stuff.In other news, please post more stuff about new york and your adventures there. I would also like to see some pictures of your apartment. I love all the articles you post (sans the kreayshawn farticle) When I come on here to read, I feel like I'm transported to another world, where I get to live vicariously through you. I bet there's a bunch of sad people like me on here, lolz.ps. I could never compare you to Tavi and vice-versa. She is weak. You are so unique. Your writing style cannot be compared to anyone.I LOVE YOU, NEVER STOP WRITING

  • Reply yum September 3, 2011 at 5:40 pm

    I want to fuck your boyfriend.

  • Reply it tots September 10, 2011 at 1:30 am

    I hung out with Hamilton once at a vice party with a friend, but he kept making all these snide comments that felt aimed to make me & my friend feel stupid, which was a bummer cause I was pretty excited to meet him & I'd like to think I'm not an idiot bimbo deserving of that. Nice to know he's a good boyfriend, makes me feel better.

  • Reply Cat September 11, 2011 at 1:38 pm

    YAY!!!you deserve to be forever happy!keep up the beautiful delicate rawness that is so perfect in every way.

  • Reply liz September 11, 2011 at 10:24 pm

    how did immigration catch you??

  • Reply whispas September 27, 2011 at 4:35 am

    I kinda figured you were dating Hamilton as well. I always thought he was super cute and super smart and loved his articles in Vice, and I cant think of anyone who would make a better match than you two. Also I live about 6 blocks away from the restaurant you work at and saw you there a couple of months after I started reading your blog. Stalker alert! Haha no really I've only been there twice, the food is delicious but kind of salty.<3 a lazy girl-crusher

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