I’m A Lesbian I Think

March 13, 2010

Pic by Bella Howard

I’ve been thinking for a while now about becoming a full-time lesbian because being a lesbian is really in and edgy and probably guys think lesbians are hot or something, right? Who knows. I definitely don’t. Recently I’ve come to realize I actually have no clue what guys are into, which is another reason why queer seems like the best way to go. Plus most guys in London are secretly gay anyways.

Generally speaking, once I get an idea in my head I become obsessed with it to the point of sickness. I can’t think about anything else. It hits me like a plague. I’m same with people. When I decide I like someone I become totally consumed. Needy. Desperate, even. It’s a massive flaw in my character, I know. Still, because of this it’s no surprise that since starting on this lesbian vibe my mind has been flooded with thoughts of, well, cunt.

I meet April at a bar. She’s blonde and hot and wears a lot of eyeliner and has a slight lisp, all of which I’m into. I buy her shots of tequila and we talk about our mutual love of yellow tartan. We make out for a while and I say something way too forward like “I want to fuck.” She says we can’t go back to hers because she lives with her boyfriend, and that he’ll probably be there. I normally don’t like bringing people back to my squat because it’s super gross, looks like a cave and smells like semen / soup, but I’m pretty avid about this whole lesbian thing so I make an exception and invite her back to mine.

We arrive home and she immediately starts taking off her clothes. Her tits point up slightly, which I like, and her legs are really long and unshaved which makes me feel better about not having shaved mine in like four months. We lie down on the bed. Her mouth tastes like tequila and cigarettes, which is surprisingly an alright combo. She sits up and wraps her legs around me. She scans the room slowly, pausing when her eyes meet the book on my nightstand—Closer, by Dennis Cooper. She picks it up and begins flipping through its withered pages. She smiles seductively. She looks like a girl out of a movie who I can’t place.

“I’ve read this book,” she says. “It’s really fucked up.”

“Yeah…” I say. “All of his books are basically about gay sex and murder and child porn.”

“You want me to read some now?” she asks. “Might be hot….”

I say OK and as I go down on her she opens to the middle of the book and begins to read aloud. In her slight lisp she says:

George lay facedown on the living room rug. One of the two guys caressed his ass, then used some fingers to open its hole so wide George felt cold air rush in. “Maybe,” Tom said, to which Philippe answered, ‘Good.”

How had Philippe put it? “Your asshole looks like a child’s pout…” George couldn’t remember the rest. “Shit, baby.” That was Philippe’s voice, so George pushed a couple of turds out. “What does he normally eat?” Tom asked. “Hamburgers, french fries, candy bars…” “I could have guessed.”

She pauses to close her eyes, tilt her head back, breath deeply. She stays frozen, apart from her chest slowly rising, falling. “Keep reading,” I say. She reads.

Two fingers slid up his ass. Since he’d met Philippe, George had learned how to count them. Two more joined in. He hadn’t taken that many before. “Not bad,” he thought. Someone felt for his lips, pried them open and four fingers slid down his throat. “He’s got a big mouth,” Tom whispered, “I love that.”

George gagged a few times. “Let it loose,” Philippe said in a soothing voice. George didn’t want to, then he was vomiting.

April moans heavily and the book falls to her side. I look at her. She looks hot I guess… I don’t really know. All I can see is the bottom of a chin. “I liked it better when you were reading,” I say. She opens a book and between long, heavy breaths she reads:

Hands started roaming all over his clothes. First they followed the shape of his skeleton, inching along, like it was covered with braille or something. Now they took hold of his crotch… She trails off… “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.”

“Keep fucking reading,” I say, but she’s not paying attention to me. Not mentally, anyway. Physically yeah. She cums, I think. It looks rehearsed, but maybe I’m just being paranoid.

Is there a difference between being bisexual and being promiscuous?



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  • Reply Adriano March 13, 2010 at 7:49 pm

    Most guys in London aren't secretly gay. U Just hang with vice magazine asexual fggts. But yea. Those guys are way closet homosexuals

  • Reply Ange March 13, 2010 at 10:49 pm

    Awesome post.

  • Reply Annelizzle March 13, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    Reading Dennis Cooper reminds me of being the last person in my third grade class to understand multiplication. Same with Sotos, but his stuff's worse because it's just one endless 4chan post. A 4chan post that cost me ten dollars.Good luck with the rug-munching.

  • Reply neomumenu March 14, 2010 at 2:18 am

    "I was like, Am I gay? Am I straight? And I realized…I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?" — Margaret Cho

  • Reply Avitty March 14, 2010 at 5:58 pm

    April sounds like a bit of a wankstain but I still applaud the lesbian escapades.

  • Reply anita March 15, 2010 at 4:57 pm


  • Reply julia March 16, 2010 at 12:01 am

    i read dennis cooper on the tube while seating in front of a row of freaks and its so hot and it makes me so horny.

  • Reply Cesar March 17, 2010 at 7:16 pm

    Who're these two??

  • Reply Nastasia Alberti March 18, 2010 at 1:22 am

    you can find better than her though. She doesn't look that great…Or whatever.

  • Reply dorian. March 18, 2010 at 11:40 am

    hahahha..i just accidentally discovered this blog and it was sum seriously awesome reading dude. and wheeee to the dykeness. as i motherfuckin am producing the same shit around here in another country. keep it cumin (Y) ;P

  • Reply bybellazine March 23, 2010 at 11:13 pm

    lol karley you realise that the couple in the piccie are a boy and a girl, but its just a boy who really looks like a girl?

  • Reply Decibella March 24, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    LOVED IT – this is my cherry popping post of Slutever – and unlike my first fuck – I thoroughly enjoyed it – and I cum. (well I had a wank in the toilets at work after reading)looking forward to the next installment xx kisses missus

  • Reply Karley March 26, 2010 at 1:01 pm

    OMG really!? I'm into him where is he?

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  • Reply Gayby July 2, 2012 at 7:34 pm


    Reading this blog from the start and pretending it’s a fucking book.

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