Meet my new friend – the male escort and all-around sexual deviant, Kid. Kid is a 19-year-old philosophy student from London. He’s a skinny punk who somehow managed to turn out totally weird and erudite despite the fact that his entire family is super ghetto. A lover of extreme, fucked-up and illogical sexual experiences, recently Kid’s malignant sexual curiosity has led him to the oldest profession on earth. Why do I know so many hookers?

Hi Kid! How would you define your sexuality, if at all?
I would say I’m opportunistically sexually oriented. I can be sexually attracted to almost anything, if I try hard enough. I’m generally more attracted to men than women, mainly because I find it easier. I enjoy the lack of emotion that comes from having a relationship with a man.

What is it about prostitution that interests you?
I’m really fascinated with the psychology of it. I’ve always been interested in the interaction between someone who provides a service, and someone who pays the other to do so – especially in this profession. I just like the bizarreness of it all, and the variations surrounding each experience.

When was the first time you sold yourself for money?
It wasn’t that long ago – around October. I’m a member of a dating website, and a middle-aged surgeon messaged me offering me £150 to let him massage me. It seemed like too good an offer to pass up, so I went with it. I’d been propositioned before – online, in clubs, on a bus once – but I was never really into it before this. Plus, I was especially poor at the time, so I guess it was really necessity above all things.

Did you enjoy it?
I did, yeah. I was kind of scared at first. Being a surgeon, I thought the guy might cut me up or something, but it turned out OK.

What was it like?
He took me to a hotel, and was very meticulous and controlling of the whole situation. He told me when and where to take my clothes off, how to lie on the bed, even when to open and close my eyes. He gave me a massage and tossed me off, and then I went home.

Have you had any negative experiences so far?
I had one that was a bit depressing. It was with this gay Christian police officer. He was really dumb and awkward. We met up in his shitty town, where he brought me to the shopping centre to buy me some underwear. Then we went back to his house where I tried on the underwear while he tossed off. His house was full of gay police memorabilia, and dusty framed photos from when he was a contestant on Deal Or No Deal, and photos of him smiling next to low-grade celebrities like Vinny Jones and stuff. I guess I just felt bad for him.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been asked to do?
I recently met a guy online who wants to meet me in a toilet, put a lunchbox under the stall and have me shit in it. He keeps sending me emails asking me to describe my shits. I guess he wants to fantasise about what’s in store.

That’s sick. Are you going to do it?
I probably will, actually. It sounds really funny.

When was your first sexual experience?
I was eight. It was with a childhood friend – she was slightly older. She pulled down her knickers and essentially asked me to have sex with her. I remember her saying, “I do this with the boy upstairs all the time.” It was quite sinister, actually. We stood up against the wall and I shoved my pathetic eight-year-old dick inside her. There was no sexual attraction involved, but I remember it feeling quite good.

What’s your relationship with sex when you’re not “working”? Is sex sacred/ disposable/ routine?
Generally I think of sex as a vehicle for your own masturbation. Personally, I’ve had most of my best orgasms alone. Although I have had some quasi-mystical experiences with sex. I think if you mix sex with magic and ritual, then it can become quite profound and quite frightening. I find the whole idea of sex quite frightening, actually.

Have you ever been attracted to anything non-human?
Yeah, definitely. I’ve done things with animals before. My old dog used to lick me quite vigorously. I never fucked it, but he made me cum. It happened about four or five times.

Have you ever felt exploited, or any guilt in conjunction with what you do?
Not really, no. I don’t think I have the capacity to feel bad in and of myself because of what I’m doing, although I’m not immune to being disgusted by a situation.

What do you hope to get out of your days as a male escort?
I want to see how I fit into this world, and to find out what my limits are, if I have any. Also, one of my favourite books is 120 Days of Sodom, which is basically just whores recounting their stories of whoredom. I like that one day I can recount my sexual tales to people, maybe even make some money out of it. That would be really fun.

Sort of like a Homer, but for pervs. I’m into it.



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